Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/December 19

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You Want Some of THIS!

December 19: You Want Some of THIS! Day (Detroit, MI), Beginning of Blueberry Harvest Season

  • c.4000 BCE - The Chinese invent the concept of revenge, making possible every future martial arts movie.
  • 927 - The Brits conquer and kill all the Engs but named the country England as a sign of good sportsmanship.
  • 1712 - The first blueberry harvest in Canada is cancelled after all the blueberries and most of the blueberry pickers are eaten by bears.
  • 1714 - In New England, crushed blueberries are added to white house paint to create the color Colonial Blue. Many colonists' houses are eaten by bears as a result.
  • c.1860 - Pierre Michaux and Pierre Lallement invent the velocipede, an early type of bicycle. They turn their backs for a moment and the bike is stolen by time traveler John Titor to keep Dr. Who from buying one.
  • 1219 - Some random middle aged guy could've figured out that the year and day were the same (12/19/1219) but he was in the Middle Ages and thus was too busy jousting.
  • 1912 - Some random middle aged gentleman from Britain realises that the year and day were also the same, (19/12/1912) and commemorates his 693-yr old American ancestor by pillaging, drinking and regretting [it].
  • 1963 - Paul Hindemith's pancreas explodes, killing him a second time and 36 others a first time as he flew over Lakewurst, New Jersey. The music community rejoices once more.
  • 1974 - International Christmas Day is announced by the International Foundation of Kids Who Can't Wait Another Week.
  • 2001 - Michael Flatley's gay porn music and dance extravaganza Lord of the Rings is released to a largely horrified reception by janitors who wax floors.
  • 2006 - Mike Ditka saves the world from Vin Diesel anti-chavs. Then Vin Diesel steals his bike.
  • 2012 - Chuck Norris saves the world from Mike Ditka when the Roundhouse (London) kicks him in the foot. Whitney Houston gains intelligence and steals Chuck's bike.