July 20: Window Licking Day (Scotland)
- 14 CE - Romans begin installing glass windows in buildings. Rock throwing becomes a popular sport.
- 1276 - Chartres Cathedral officials make it a sin to lick stained glass windows after dozens of worshippers are found dead in the previous winter, stuck to windows by their tongues that had frozen to the glass. How they were able to do that on windows 35 meters (115 ft.) above ground level remains a mystery.
- 1580 - Sir Francis Drake circumnavigates the globe, after licking windows in over 50 lands.
- 1903 - The Ford Motor Company ships its first car, the Model R, with an engine that powers its four wooden wheels with whale oil.
- 1928 - The government of Hungary issues a decree ordering Gypsies to settle in one place, surrender their Gypsy gold, and take a bath goddammit!
- 1944 - Adolf Hitler survives a bomb blast in the bunker. A build-up in flatulence is blamed. Chef Claus von Stauffenberg is shot.
- 1969 - NASA astronaut Louis Armstrong becomes the first man to set foot on the moon (pictured) when Apollo 11 splashes down in the Sea of Tranquillity.
- 1974 - Turkeys invade Cyprus.
- 1981 - The chemical compound Anime is first isolated in a Japanese laboratory.
- 2017 - O.J. Simpson is released from prison, vowing to find his ex-wife's killer. Thousand of mirrors are mailed to him.