Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/March 16

March 16: International Toaster Day

• 3 million BCE - Toasters battle waffle irons for supremacy throughout the world. Apple peelers become extinct.
• 1066 - Soldiers in the Battle of Hastings from both the Norman and English sides are set upon by wild toasters; less than two hundred survive.
• 1390 - Bread is invented. Everybody proposes a toast to the inventor of bread.
• 1391 - Sliced Bread is invented. This is the greatest thing invented since bread itself.
• 1392 - Toast is invented. Everybody proposes a bread to the inventor of toast.
• 1823 - George Washington Carver sets out on an expedition to the California redwood forests to study toasters.
• 1843 - The first toaster ranch is established in Peyote, Wyoming, with over three dozen domestic toasters.
• 1883 - Oscar Wilde's poem The Sphinx, widely believed to be a veiled reference to toasters, is published.
• 1931 - During construction of the Empire State Building, a fossil of a Tyrannotoasterus is unearthed, sparking interest in the new field of Toasteropaleontology.
• 1950 - National Geographic discovers that the wild toaster is actually a kitchen appliance.
• 1975 - A toaster from a traveling circus in Alabama escapes captivity and mauls four people and dozens of raw bread slices before being killed by local appliance control authorities.
• 2011 - A crazed toaster kills 1,000,000,000 people after it rode in on the earthquake/tsunami in Japan. It will hit China, Canada, and Russia.