Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/March 26

March 26: Fast Food Day (America), Health Awareness Day (everywhere else)

• 934 - Millions of peasant farmers wish that they, too, could die of a heart attack from overeating just like their king or emperor.
• 1633 - Monkeys invent and perform the Macarena. It would be many years before it would be set to music and gain popularity among drunks and old people.
• 1855 - Oscar Wilde is allowed to attend his mother's social gatherings, contemporarily called 'saloons', for the first time. They greatly influence some of his later life choices.
• 1969 - An early Unix version of Uncyclopedia is developed and tested, but eventually scrapped due to bugs in the software, mostly scorpions.
• 1901 - Chemists work on developing hydrogenated (trans) fats so that underfed individuals could bulk up.
• 1993 - Tarquin Middleton decides that life is worth living... barely. He wishes he could write half as well as that Oxcart Wilde fellow.
• 1997 - A Double Ristretto Venti Half-Soy Nonfat Decaf Organic Chocolate Brownie Iced Vanilla Double-Shot Gingerbread Frappuccino Extra Hot With Foam Whipped Cream Upside Down Double Blended, One Sweet'N Low and One Nutrasweet, and Ice is ordered from Starbucks, destroying the South American economy.
• 1998 - Metal Gear Solid is released in North America, taking 'stealth video games' to new heights and 'going outside' to new lows.
• 2006 - With reports of death and obesity due to overconsumption of fatty foods, huge numbers of Americans add a salad to their double cheeseburgers with double fries and a double shake.
• 2007 - I saw another dog when I was in the car. I barked at him! It was the most exciting thing ever.