Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:Shocking evidence of corruption in Washington lost because I forgot to take the lens cap off
UnNews:Shocking evidence of corruption in Washington lost because I forgot to take the lens cap off[edit]
-- morbid Ape (pwnify) (Riot Porn) 20:32, June 16, 2010 (UTC)
I gots it. --—John Lydon 12:30, June 28, 2010 (UTC)
| Humour: | 6 | In order for this review to make any sense, you should read the Prose and format section first. I would have moved it to the top, but that requires a level of intellegance which, apparently, I have yet to achieve. After reading that section, you can jump back up to here and read through like normal.
The humor is very good here. Unfortunately it’s kind of marred by the whole point of view thing I mentioned above. At least it was to me. I think turning it into a third person account will really make the humor aspect stand out. It will also give you many more chances to inject more humor. I think by approaching it from a third person POV, you can really tap into the humor of being a news boss guy (I know nothing about the news business) and being all pumped to get the story of the century and then some junior reporter hands you a memory card full of blank images. I’m certainly not trying to rewrite your piece here, but I just think that angle would be hilarious. You could even let a little of the frustration of the boss man leak into the article, building up with each paragraph. Again, that’s just my take on it. |
| Concept: | 10 | The concept here is absolutely hilarious. As I said before, I can just picture some cub reporter who thinks he just got the scoop of the century all ready to cash in on his big payday, only to find out he’s got nothing but a couple hundred photos of the backside of his lens cap.
It’s also a very unique approach to tackling an UnNews article. Usually people take the top stories of the time and try to inject humor or try to make up something ridiculous and pass it off as news. Your concept definitely stands out from these tired formats. I wouldn’t change a thing (Other than the point of view of course). |
| Prose and formatting: | 4 | I normally start with the humor section because that’s all that really matters in the grand scheme of things but I felt like the most glaring hindrance to this article was the way it was written. So I shall start here.
Maybe I’m in the wrong, but I always have a model of what an article should be like stuck in my head before I even review it. I usually take a few minutes to read a few of the featured articles of the same type just to get a good feel of what seems to work before I start my review. I say all that to say this; I thought your article was great except for the fact that it’s not an UnNews story. Here’s why I say that. This article is written like some guy is talking to his pals about the shitty day he just had. It’s done very well, but the fact is, I can’t ever picture a newspaper printing anything that was written in this fashion. Which is why the score reflects the way it does here. I would highly recommend changing it to more of a third person account instead of the current first person. This can be easily accomplished by changing a few things around. For instance instead of saying, “Shocking evidence showing corruption at the highest levels of American governance failed to emerge today when I forgot to remove the lens cap while covertly taking photos of secret shady dealings between politicians, businessmen and prominent mafia figures.” You could say something like “Shocking evidence showing corruption at the highest levels of American governance failed to emerge today when an unnamed reporter for UnNews forgot to remove the lens cap while covertly taking photos of secret shady dealings between politicians, businessmen and prominent mafia figures.” If you make the little changes like that throughout the article, it would make it so much better. You could also turn it into a running gag by saying something like an unnamed reporter, then refer to the reporter as being on suspension the next time and finally, refer to the reporter as a former unnews reporter. Granted, I’ve never come close to writing anything decent, but I think it would work. Other than the point of view in this article I have very little to nit pick about. |
| Images: | 8 | I can’t believe I’m actually giving a decent score to a blank image. Technically, it’s not even an image. Whatever. Symantics were never my thing. I happen to think the picture fits very well and the caption absolutely makes it work. If you took the caption out, I would probably hate the image and report you to someone who could do something mean spirited to you, but with the I can almost hear the absolute frustration in the reporter’s voice. You also get one bonus point for possibly the most appropriate use of the F bomb in history. I’m pretty sure the Pope would say it if he was in this guy’s shoes. |
| Miscellaneous: | 7 | Averaged Score |
| Final Score: | 35 | I really think the article the way it sits now is mediocre or border line decent at best. The scored don’t really reflect it because the overall potential this article has is fantastic. I really believe if you work on changing the POV around you have an immediate feature on your hands. It’s a very unique concept and an extremely funny one at that. But I still think it will only work properly from the third person aspect. If you have any questions or want some extra feedback, let me know on my talkie page. I would be more than happy to help out with this one because I think it will be a great one. |
| Reviewer: | --—John Lydon 13:22, June 28, 2010 (UTC) | |