Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Why?:Hit yourself on the head with a baseball bat seven or eight times
Why?:Hit yourself on the head with a baseball bat seven or eight times[edit]
Written for a game I was having against THE where we each had to write an article on a topic given to us by the other. I know it doesn't have pictures. Be merciless. • <-> (Dec 23 / 23:00)
- Merciless is my middle name. So I guess you could say I already am merciless. Sir Groovester | Contributions | Talk Page 09:00, 25 December 2007 (UTC)
- Warm up those 2's! • <-> (Dec 25 / 09:02)
- Funny you should mention twos.... Sir Groovester | Contributions | Talk Page 10:10, 25 December 2007 (UTC)
- Warm up those 2's! • <-> (Dec 25 / 09:02)
Oooh! Your goofy review's score is exactly the same as your real one! I thought only expert reviewers knew how to do that! • <-> (Dec 25 / 10:28)
- Does that make me an expert reviewer then? Sir Groovester | Contributions | Talk Page 10:31, 25 December 2007 (UTC)
| Humour: | 2 | gay |
| Concept: | 2 | lolgay |
| Prose and formatting: | 3 | notbad |
| Images: | 1 | wtf |
| Miscellaneous: | 4 | i dunno |
| Final Score: | 12 | jkjk |
| Reviewer: | Sir Groovester | Contributions | Talk Page 10:10, 25 December 2007 (UTC) | |
| Humour: | 4 | Since perfect honesty seems to be my defining trait, I might as well use it. When I clicked on this article, browsing pee review requests, and saw how many section headers there were, and how each of them was basically a clone of the previous, I didn't really want to read the article.
Redundancy is one problem. I think describing each blow works against you on this one. That's one of the reasons why redundancy is one of the problems. Which is that describing each blow doesn't really seem to me like the best move, because after blow three, my patience ran out. That's why redundancy is one of the problems. Another problem is that with any other article advocating self-mutilation, the pain they bring is a solution to some problem. Here's what you wrote down on why you should hit yourself with a bat "Well, it's better than the alternatives." That's not really a satisfactory reason why. Maybe a reason like, "Your friends and family say that you need to be smacked on the side of your head with a baseball bat. Little did they know that this is the solution to all your problems." That would be a good place to start. But you catch my drift. You need a better reason than "Just 'cuz." In combination with the above two comments, I'd recommend you expand why you should hit yourself with a bat and shrink down each blow. I would recommend that instead of whole sections dedicated to each blow, compress it into a sort of path to enlightenment. My example would be,
If you wanted to go the zen route, this would be a way to do it. Choose what works for you, but please, shorten all the blows because it's damned annoying to read in its current state. |
| Concept: | 7 | I could see this becoming an interesting article in the vein of Why?:Pour Boiling Hot Water Down Your Trousers? and Why?:Remove Your Penis. I think you took the wrong approach with it though. I seem to wrap humor and concept together, since they are inextricably linked together, so look up there for suggestions. |
| Prose and formatting: | 8 | I have no problems. With my life or your article's prose and formatting. |
| Images: | 6 | A tiger and an unconscious man. More than once. You could do better with images. I don't think you're trying hard enough.
At least put the freakin' bat on the page. Maybe a man whose life was changed by hitting himself with a bat, maybe stuck in a coma with a severe head wound. When he wakes up, there'll be no stopping him from succeeding at life. Etc., etc. |
| Miscellaneous: | 6.3 | I hate this section. Scores averaged. |
| Final Score: | 31.3 | To summarize, there needs to be a reason to hit yourself with a bat. Also, the blows of the bat shouldn't be the whole article. |
| Reviewer: | Merciless is, indeed, my middle name. Sir Groovester | Contributions | Talk Page 10:10, 25 December 2007 (UTC) | |