From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to: navigation, search
For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about Queensrÿche.

Queensryche is a Seattle based progressive metal band, well known for their intricate compositions, intelligent lyrics and their general disinterest in anything having to do with music.After releasing a couple of albums, trying gay dresses and making fun of the Roman Empire, their inspiration ceased. This led them to tour with Dream Theater in 2003, who were still a succesful act in the genre. During the tour, they found out that, in order to avoid a writer's block, Mike Portnoy is in fact still an alcoholic. Learning this had a tremendous effect on Geoff Tate's self esteem, resulting in the writing of Operation:Mindcrime II.


Queensryche started out as a means for Chris DeGarmo to become an airline pilot. Because of insecurities about his intellectual abilities during adolescence, he decided to focus on music instead of going to aviation school right away.

Chris then tricked Michael Wilton, Eddie Jackson and Scott Rockenfield into forming a band with him. The guys, who were not that good looking, were easily convinced, as rockstardom seemed to increase their chances of reproduction later in life. To their dissapointment, hiding a away in a basement trying to compose complex music did not change their lives in any way for a while.

Help was on the way however, as former Third Reich officer and leather lover Geoff Tate became interested in renting a basement. An ex student of Dr.Mengele, he needed a place practice the skills he had learned in Germany. Tate was determined to do that as it had been a big personal investment for him to go overseas to study. Personal growth would be a major recurring theme in his future lyric writing.

Chris was broke and almost completely lost interest in the band. He thought it a good idea to rent out his basement during daytime. The high pitched screams coming out of there after Geoff moved in led him to consider to give it one more try. Upon being asked to be the singer for Chris' band, Geoff could do nothing but agree as he didn't want anyone to find out that the screams coming out of there were not his. While Chris called Michael, Eddie and Scott, Geoff cleaned up the blood stains and an hour later "Queen of the Reich" was a fact.

The first four albums

As the titles suggest, the albums "The Warning", "Rage for Order", "Operation:Mindcrime" and "Empire" all deal with Geoff's experiences in Germany. His ability to cleverly disguise his true political views earned the Queensryche the predicate of "Thinking Man's Metal Band." Their hit single "Silent Antisemitism" from "Empire" is a landmark example of his writing skills.

{The use of the word "Wanker" shows that this was actually written by a Brit or Brit wannabe who may not know how passionate Americans can be about their music. The fact that Empire was the FIFTH Queensryche album shows that this was written by an UNEDUCATED Brit. If you are going to be insulting, at least be accurate. Also, Geoff Tate did not live under the Third Reich. Not only was he born later than that era, he was also born to an American serviceman and his wife while stationed in Germany. Even suggesting the antisemitism is no where near "comedic". That is not funny at all. Not even mildly amusing.}

The 90's

The succes of "Empire" had a downside. Geoff realized that the world was not picking up on his true message, which kept him from being prosecuted but made him feel more and more isolated. Tension within the band increased, as Chris was finally taking flying lessons and didn't want Geoff to quit before he did. Geoff's introspective attitude led him to the conclusion that he should radically alter his lifestyle and try new things. He turned to Judaism. The Promised Land album was the result of that.

Michael was not showing up much to rehearsals, but one day walked in furiously, as his bandmates never told him about venereal disease. Scott started complaining about feeling disconnected from the rest of the band, and Eddie felt that in the end none of the other four cared about him.

Chris finally realized why he didn't want to be in a band with these pathetic wankers in the first place. He was so pissed of with how things were going that he wrote "Hear in the now frontier", which no one liked, and left immediately after that to become an airline pilot. That would teach them.

After Chris

It was obvious that Chris was the winner of the group, and writing a decent song without him would be hard. On top of that Michael's balls had gotten so itchy that he could not play more than three notes in row before having having to use his right hand for other purposes. Geoff, who was only beginning to realize what Chris had tricked him into, frantically started looking for solutions. As their next release "Q2K" shows, he had completly lost it by this time, not even able to recite the alphabet. Geoff claimed later that Eddie Jackson was responsible for the album's title.

Geoff was so devastated by this course of events that he started to fall back in his old habits. With Chris dead, he could do whatever he liked. So he hooked up with a guy from a local tattoo shop called Mike Stone, rented a basement and the two tortured Wilton, Jackson and Rockenfield until they agreed upon recording Operation:Mindcrime II. The rest is history.

Tate has once again taken his expertise and interest in old war history to influence the songwriting on the band next album, American Soldier, due in 2009. The album is concept record and collaboration partially sponsored by the Discovery Channel. Several new songs on the album are also inspired by Discovery Channel shows including "Survivorman", "Dirty Jobs", and "British Fraud." The latter inspired by Man Vs. Wild show host Bear Grylls. It was later revealed that the entire album was written by Kelly "Klingon" Grey, Jason "Dirty Underpants" Slater and Damon "Sweaty Nipples" Johnson with lyrics by Geoff Tate. Wilton played all the guitars as guitarist Stone's playing is practically non-existent on the release.

Mike Stone announced his departure from the band in February 2009 citing "creative differences" and his desire to achieve his budding career in this non-existent side project tribute to heroin known only as Speed X with Nick Joe Japanese-Cantanese Asian Hooker of Zakk Wylde's Black Label Society.

The band revealed on February 16, 2009, that Geoff Tate's future-son-in-law and daughter's fiancee Parker "I Wuv My Step Daddy" Wundgren would be the band's "touring guitarist" (read bitch). Wundgren was winner of the band's contest search for a new guitarist, Guitar Hero American Soldier Idol, out of the total 12 entries the band received. Barely legal, Wundgren won't be playing any clubs with the band anytime soon, instead opting to play guitar in the parking lot as the crew pipes him through the venue's speakers. In addition he plans to star in a new VH-1 reality show debuting next fall, Parker Wundgren Wan't Wose, documenting his rise to fame as a rock star in Seattle's most famous bar band and his need to have his diapers changed by Queensryche manager and resident MILF (and second wife) Susan Tate every night. Wundgren is also the fiancee of Susan Tate's daughter from a previous marriage, Miranda. Geoff Tate's first wife, Sue E. Tate (married July 1990, divorced January 1996) is the original Jet City Woman/Hand on Heart but has no connection to Miranda as had been previously believed.

On March 31, 2009, Queens' Srike released "American Soldier". The band's 10th album overall and 2nd with Rhino Entertainment, first week sales were dismal in comparison to Operation Mindcrime 2. One highlight of the album is Tate's 10-year old daughter second wife Susan, Emily, who sings on the pussy whipped ballad "Home Again." The band then embarked on a U.S. tour starting on April 16th with additional musician, "Italian pop star"/Male Cheerleader Jason Ames singing background vocals as the underaged Parker can't sing to save his life as well as playing third guitar on several songs and keyboards.

In October 2009, Queens' Srike embarked on a month long tour with former Desparate Housewife star, Lita Ford. Geoff Tate played the role of the husband, Ozzy Osbourne, during their duet of "Shave My Balls Forever."

Queens' Strike strikes out again in February 2010 by scheduling shows for a special cabaret event for members of its fan club. Being strong supporter of Barrack Niggerbama and a steadfast liberal, Geoff Tate described the shows as a reason to stress the bands' strong support for the gay and lesbian life style.

See also