Loser of the Year
|This user is on vacation, holiday, sabbatical, administrative leave, or is otherwise goofing off with the knowledge and/or consent of the Admins. Or, more likely, they've buggered off without saying boo to anyone. Their expected date of return is uncertain. If you're lonely, or you miss them, leave a message.|
Bow Down To My Greatness!
Featured articles in bold. Quasi-features in italics.
- (32 completed; 10 work(s)-in-progress that will be finished by the end of the never)
- Worst 100 Pick-Up Lines of All Time - I was the original IP who created this dreaded list, and, since I created an account, I've added the pictures, improved the grammar throughout the article, rewrote the beginning phrase, and added several of the pick-up lines. Failed VFH because it was a list...
- Reasons for the Holocaust - I'm done. It's good. There!
- Alfred Packer - I saw this when I was going through the Recent Changes one day and I expanded it from just the Captain Planet theme song-type lyrics to an actual article.
- Are You Gayer Than Mr. Garrison? - Mine bitch (technically not mine, but I take credit).
- Popeye the Sailor Man - WiP.
- Albert Fish - Mostly true, but I find it funny as hell.
- Conspiracy theory - They're after me!!!
- Space Ghost - It's decent, but it still doesn't feel complete. Oh well.
- Nancy Grace - WiP. Will finish by summer's end.
- I do what I wanna do - Psychotic. I have no idea.
- Citizen Cyrus - Watched Citizen Kane and thought, "That is a fucking awesome movie". Then, I read something about Miley Cyrus. Then, I watched Robot Chicken's Citizen Spears sketch. That's when I put one-and-one-and-one together. WiP.
- You should talk about ponies - A letter to Bill Richardson - Why Bill Richardson never stood a chance. Received a 41.25 on Pee Review. Failed on VFH. But came back and got featured!!! It barely changed between versions, though...
- Douche - Rewritten for the Conservation Week of September 2008. Vandalism expected to occur. Featured on March 29, 2009.
- 50 Cent - Rewritten for the Conservation Week of September 2008. Vandalism expected to occur. A lot.
- Viola - Rewritten for the Conservation Week of September 2008. As a cellist, I really want to vandalise this...
- Mount Asshat - Rewritten (actually expanded, but it counts!) for the Conservation Week of September 2008
- My mommy - Expanded to keep from being deleted. And the Bat Fuck Insane tag makes sense on it, too. I made the horrendous audio, too.
- Dexter's Battle - 11/13/44 - WiP. Right now, it's just formatting hell.
- Rotten Ovaries - Inspiration comes from dumb high school girls. Serious. WiP.
- A wizard did it - Fuck you if you don't like it. Failed VFH... (Also on Illogicopedia!) Has
This has good article status (which isn't really an official quality-status, but whatever). Featured April 28th, 2010!!! I win! What is it that I win? Don't know, but it's still fucking magical or something!! NUMBER 2 ARTICLE OF APRIL 2010!! Suck on that. AND NOW IT'S NUMBER 2 OF 2010!!
- Idiots - Rewrote. Failed on VFH! Idiots! God! It now has horrendous audio, which needs re-recording to accomadate the party section! Featured by some idiots on April 7th, 2011, GOD!
- Zeus - Rewrote for the Conservation Week of April 2009.
- Obama's America - WiP. Obama is going to kill us.
- A Satyr's Tragedy - Yes. The first new piece of satyr mythology in more than 2000 years. Cause I'm awesome like that.
- High school: an essay by an old lonely man in a retirement home - Read a certain other article, then wrote this crap.
- 1992 - Wrote for the whole "rewrite the Timeline" thing...
- Bitch - Epic rewrite. Featured June 2nd, 2010.
- A wizard did it: A Retrospective (With Socky) - Failed VFH. Douches.
- 1996 - Will finish on August 11th. WiP.
- Hollywood values - Parody of Conservapedia's article on the subject. Featured on May 23rd, 2010. Tied for second best article of May 2010.
- Gramp's Insane Ramblings: Life Lessons - Grandpa is racist. Actually, my grandfather died when I was 8. And I didn't know my other two at all. Yes, I had three grandfathers. Some assholes thought it was too "ranty", so it didn't get featured. Fuck those faggots.
- Christian side hug - WiP.
- Franklin Pierce - WiP. Repeat.
- GRIDS - With Electrified mocha chinchilla. WiP.
- Columbus, Georgia - If only it wasn't completely true...
- Several interpretations of that day's events - Wrote in under an hour. Failed on VFH.
- Minnesota Vikings - Not mine. I stole this from a site about lepers. Failed on VFH, for some reason.
- That time I was plundered in the ass by a Viking during my voyage to a retirement villa - In response to Brett Favre's 2010 claim that he was going to retire.
- Apple - I saw this ICU'd and knew what I had to do (Massive Expansion). This is proof that EVERY article can be saved and rewritten. People need to quit being lazy.
- New York hobos - Chicken inspired. Featured January 18th, 2011.
- Adam West - Rewrite for the first PLS of 2011. Did miserably in the judging (4 out of 6). Featured March 16th, 2011.
- Celebrity Impersonation Syndrome
UnNews Articles I Wrote
- (32 UnNews, bitch!)
- UnNews:PacMan Wanted In Connection To Shooting - Pretty good for a first UnNews article.
- UnNews:Superman holds the first shape-shifting competition of super-heroes - Obvious what I was doing at the time?
- And if you can't tell, I was reading comics ya idiot.
- UnNews:The Joker found dead - Figured I'd go the "He was Joker" instead of "He was a gay cowboy" route. Not really funny, though.
- Third lead article on Jan. 23-25, 2008.
- UnNews:DNC decides to sit Florida's and Michigan's delegates - Satirical view of the whole Florida/Michigan delegate debate. It's all right.
- UnNews:Obama quits church, grabs new endorsement - He finally left... And it only took 20 years!
- Second lead article on 17:29, 2 June 2008, through 22:38, 5 June 2008 (Haha! Right through my birthday! Yay!}
- UnNews:Saudis announce they are increasing gas prices - Damn. How close to the truth can I get?
- UnNews:Dead pregnant marine divorced - Cause I'm weird.
- UnNews:Man sues Sun - Inspired by all the stupid lawsuits out here.
- UnNews:Sewage in San Francisco to be renamed Bush - Sad thing is, it's pretty much true.
- UnNews:Jesus turns on rapture - The rapture is coming! REPENT! REPENT! REPENT!
- UnNews:Today is my cat's birthday - Yes. This is vanity. Too bad nobody cares. Everybody loves cats too much to care.
- Second lead article on 10:26, 4 July 2008 , through 15:22, 8 July 2008 (And apparently the third lead article for about 4 hours on July 8...}
- UnNews:Ebony and Ivory break-up - Got the idea after I saw the Psych promo.
- UnNews:Kennedy has been shot - Great!
- UnNews:My cheating wife pays - What? He got his cable installed...
- UnNews:Cause of global warming discovered - Here's to crazy people calling C-SPAN giving me ideas!
- UnNews:End of Mars - Completely rewrote this piece of random anti-Obama trash to a sensible, kinda funny, and cute article. First article written for September 2008's Conservation Week.
- UnNews:Hey America! Fuck you, too! - Follow up to The Woodburninator's story.
- UnColumns:Holden Caulfeld on America's economic crisis and gay celebrities - What should we do? - The first UnColumn I ever tried to write. I think I failed...
- UnNews:O.J. convicted on all charges - First UnNews about the conviction.
- UnNews:I am hungry - I need something to eat...
- UnNews:North Korea celebrates Miley's birthday - Miley Cyrus is legal and North Korea tries to start World War III. First fucking UnNews in two years and it's this shit. Featured December 4th, 2010.
- UnNews:Local man has no idea who won DWTS last night - HAHA! Fat cunt lost!
- UnNews:Pardoned turkey plans terror strike - Had a spree going... One UnNews a day. Then I missed a day.
- UnNews:Polls indicate Americans are terrified - "Oh no! Everything is so bad right now! I can't believe how bad things are! I'm so frightened! I'm going to sit on my ass in my new Lazyboy recliner, eat popcorn, and watch a bunch old fuckers say how bad things are for me on my new 52 inch plasma TV! OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Featured on January 11th, 2011.
- UnNews:Anderson Cooper wanted in Egypt
- UnNews:Samsung seeks to increase 3-D TV sales in 2011 - Made the image, too.
- UnNews:Child named "Anderson Cooper" following Egyptian protests
- UnNews:Killer android docked at the ISS
- UnNews:Local man masturbated to Anderson Cooper as "God Save The Queen" roared in the background - I watched CNN's coverage of William's and Kate's wedding.
- UnNews:SWAT team holds surprise party at youth center
- UnNews:Chinese President unimpressed by explosions in Jiangxi province Thursday morning
- UnNews:Democrats panic at prospect of Cain nomination
HowTo's I Wrote
- (6 finished; 3 work(s)-in-progress)
- HowTo:Make money without getting a job - Pretty good. Failed on VFG... And VFH. Twice.
- HowTo:Find your name on a list - July 2008 PLS entry.
- HowTo:Find Nicole Brown Simpson's killer - This is gonna be fun! WiP.
- HowTo:Tell if your son is gay - Rewritten for Conservation Week September 2008.
- HowTo:Make Up Statistics - Rewritten for Conservation Week September 2008.
- HowTo:Go outside in the winter - Rewritten for Conservation Week September 2008.
- HowTo:Hide in the closet - Merry X-Mas of 2008. This is my present to you, Uncyclofucks!
- HowTo:Sniff porcupines - Inspired by a quote by JFK. WiP.
- HowTo:Lie about that black-eye - WiP.
Why?'s I Created
- (4 completed}
- Why?:Is a dead body lying on my couch? - I suppose I'm finished. Too bad if you don't like it. Failed to be featured... But is a featured Why?.
- Why?:Jump over that ledge - NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! JUST KILL YOURSELF ALREADY!!!
- Why?:Did I shave my pubic hair! - The effects of too much drugs and a hilarious video on YouTube.
- Why?:De-op every single administrator? - Written in under 2 hours while on a Skype call with Olipro.
- (2 written)
- UnPoetia:Why, oh why, Mister Cat! - Quasi-featured on May 16th, 2011 because there are cat haters on this site
- UnPoetia:Holiday Love - For all you fellows that are gonna be lonely this X-Mas because of some bitch.
- (11 horrible narrations)
- File:My mommy.mp3 - Audio of my own article on my mommy.
- File:Idiots.mp3 - Audio of Idiots.
- File:I will never forget.mp3 - Audio of Colin's I will never forget.
- File:Midkiff Land rape.mp3 - Audio of an article about my cock.
- File:So cash.mp3 - Needless to say, this shit is so cash.
- File:IGotDeseCheezeBurgaz.mp3 - Now, can I have that pee review?
- File:Narrator.mp3 - I'm the narrator. I'm rubbish at this job.
- File:Nigger dun stoled mah page.mp3 - Oli called me up late one night and told me to do it. He forced me to say the nigger word. Moved to Socky's user space after an inappropriate, unjust, moralfaggy VFD.
- File:Horrific rape was victim's fault.mp3 - Audio for Ape's UnNews article that basically blames the chick he raped for letting it happen.
- File:UnNewsTesticleDetachment.mp3 - Audio for Kip's UnNews article that talks about Kip's ball trauma and the molestation of a vacuum cleaner and a dog.
- File:5-year old girl tricks Wisconsin governor.mp3 - Saw Al's UnNews article, called up Mrthejazz, and recorded this.
Other pointless things I wrote
- User:Dexter111344/Funny Naruto-related article
- User:Dexter111344/I am NOT going to do this!
- User:Dexter111344/RAHB's awesome - "Co-wrote" with RAHB.
- User:Dexter111344/Dude - Partially true.