User:EStop

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Welcome to EStop's userpage

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EStop is a button that crash-stops dangerous equipment before it explodes, or minces someone. This particular EStop is a laid-back, little-Englander who likes language, laughing and alliterations. EStop is sociable, has no short term memory, mildly eccentric and something else that he can’t quite remember (something to do with remembering). EStop spends half of his life wandering around in a world of his own, or soaring around in a world of his own in a glider; half of his life making things up on a computer, and the other half driving boats (when he is not being an EStop button, which is only about half the time).

He came to Uncyclopedia in 2015 as a ‘’port-of-refuge’’ as Facebook blanked him, Linkedin fired him, Match.com threatened a restraining order and Wikipedia reckon he is idiotic, illiterate and ignorant. Seeing these as positive attributes for a potential Uncyclopedian, EStop was adopted and mentored by Spike and encouraged by Romartus.

EStop enjoys writing UnNews, muddling and misinterpreting current affairs. He strives for a unique angle on real events, and likes to stretch that angle as far as it will realistically go. He tries to give characters personality and depth in a daft, but convincing world described within the serious frame of news reporting. He is not afraid of experimentation and a bit of “first hand journalism”, provided it can be related to real events. Now and again he even makes it work. EStop also likes the fact that UnNews are off the page in a week and no one will ever remember them again.

For full Uncyclopedia articles, he prefers to stick with the topic and write jokes around it, rather than something completely different based on a weak pun or homonym, homophone or homograph; unless it can be funnier and more convincing than the subject. He believes if you click on a link to jokes about the General Election, you don’t want to read jokes about the BBC.

EStop is probably the slowest article writer in the whole of the Wikia empire, because he has convinced himself an Uncyclopedia article should be treated as a painting rather than a sketch. It should be researched, layered, admired, caressed and fettled far more than a straight article. EStop is also convinced parodying as an “expert” is funnier and more convincing to the reader than writing cheap generic jokes that work anywhere. Actually, EStop also has the attention span of…oh…look, an airplane.

He is most satisfied when an article, that has been painstakingly hand-crafted on his potter’s wheel, fired, hand painted and glazed, is described as a funny, easy read.

As well as solo article writing, EStop enjoys collaborations. He likes to think his strengths are creativity and humor, which are, conveniently, open to interpretation. His weaknesses are definitely proze, spelling, and coherence and; punctuation: EStop has far too many apostrophe’s and is always exited rather than excited. The Grammar Police suffer sleepless nights, if they know he is online.


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This user was an UnNews reporter for the:


CONTRIBUTIONS

Featured Articles

Project Gemini - The turn of the tide for Tang, (with Spike).

Hurricane - First competition article, Surprise me! Spring Festival 2015.

United Kingdom general election, 2015 (with Scottpat, Romartus and Everyotherusernamewastaken).

UnNews:Big Tech objects to U.S. spying proposal (with Spike).

UnNews:U.S. corners Palestine rubble futures market (with Squidfest).

Colloquialism

Sex Change Save from VFD.

College kid Save from VFD, taken on to VFH by Spike and His Highness.

Harrogate

Malcolm Turnbull

Kilogram (with Spike)

Helmsley

Community (with Spike)

Boaty McBoatface

HowTo:Get Super Powers with Irritable of contents

Accident

Vatican City with Romartus

Coin With Spike

Air Training Corps

Dog With Spike

Liberal Media With Spike

Saves from VFD/ICU/To be fixed etc.

Latte

Arrogance

Ainsley Harriott

Paranoia

Other Article Tinkerings

Emo TV

User:EStop/London airports‎

In progress

User:EStop/Project Mercury

Green Party (UK)

Navalism

User:EStop/Wetherby

User:EStop/Generation X

Other Pages

User:EStop/UnNews Sandbox

User:EStop/Sandbox

To-do

User:EStop/Napoleon complex

User:EStop/Video

User:EStop/Buy-to-let

User:EStop/Ernest Shackleton

UnNews

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Panic in the skies

UnNews:Giant asteroid headed for Earth; God says no sweat
UnNews:Swift launched into space to even Katy Perry Super Bowl score
UnNews:Weasel first to get woodpecker pilot licence
UnNews:Tommy gives Ivan a good drubbing
UnNews:Han Solo fails glider pilot Bronze badge
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UnNews:Apple releases iPlane app
UnNews:PM getting new plane to fight terrorism

Science and technology

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UnNews:Scientist stops light, chats with it
UnNews:Gardener finds “Seed of Life”
UnNews:Quantum computing predicts Royal Baby’s name
UnNews:Desserts shrink from climate change
UnNews:Earth to be eaten before summer 2016
UnNews:New emojis cleared to help trolls and oldsters
UnNews:Amazon Fire-Phone scrapped over safety concerns
UnNews:Britain on verge of ice age
UnNews:NASA: Normal people to be astronauts, with Spike

Business and finance

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UnNews:Cameron: BP now able to boost wages
UnNews:Poundland under investigation for price fixing
UnNews:HSBC tolerate verbal abuse of Customer Services
UnNews:UK to export North Sea water to the Middle East
UnNews:Bank Robbing sector accused of sexual discrimination
UnNews:ISIS awarded ISO accreditation
UnNews:Trump becomes U.S. CEO
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UnNews:UK to build £25M prison for Audi drivers
UnNews:Chinese money-cat waves at UK
UnNews:Cash-strapped Saudis hump UK on human-rights
UnNews:Dead rich advise saving for afterlife

Politics

UnNews:UK Election countdown who’s who
UnNews:UK declares national “state of apathy”
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UnNews:Miliband tolerates Russell Brand for fifteen minutes
UnNews:Celebrity murderers back National party coalition
UnNews:BBC loses General Election
UnNews:Tory win puts gold-diggers in quandary
UnNews:UK Government to run media
UnNews:Britain signs Declaration of Dependence
UnNews:U.K. Government to vote on Scot hunting
UnNews:Cameron scuppers EU deal for the UK
UnNews:Lord Sewel: It wasn't coke and whores
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UnNews:Corbyn chosen to wrest in peace in the Middle East (With ScottPat)
UnNews:Citizen Corbyn new Labour Leader
UnNews:Harsh winter could trigger Scottish independence vote
UnNews:Tony Blair nearly sorry for Iraq mistakes

Lifestyle and culture

UnNews:Super Mario appears on The Sun's page 3
UnNews:Lionel Richie wants a roof over Britain
UnNews:Arquette uses Oscars to promote older women’s BDSM rights
UnNews:L’Oreal's anti-aging cream... are you worth it?
UnNews:Blizzards not caused by incest
UnNews:King’s College Choir to headline Glastonbury
UnNews:Gingers start race-war on normal people
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UnNews:Thousands of British Kings buried under car parks
UnNews:Tourists to Greece told to bring own gyros
UnNews:Swingers invade Sandringham
UnNews:Kanye enters race for Deity
UnNews:Ashley Madison using bots instead of women
UnNews:Church tells parents to euthanize goths
UnNews:God relaxes rules on Heaven access
UnNews:Brian Sewell tours Heaven With Lucifuge Rofacale
UnNews:Smithers' news not news, says news
UnNews:US regulators frighten Halloween revelers
UnNews:John Lewis Christmas to feature Prime Minister
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Health and education

UnNews:Advisory issued after Measles party epidemic
UnNews:Measles party epidemic traced to Neil Armstrong’s old boot
UnNews:Hospital holds “day to forget” for dementia patients
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UnNews:Residents of New Delhi emit mystery multi-colour gas
UnNews:Apple Watch is psychoactive
UnNews:Australia to sanction good parenting
UnNews:"Sex-ed" students bat for teacher

Global UnNews

UnNews:Obama "goes it alone" on State of the Union
UnNews:Kim Jong Un brings new musical Korea to Eurovision - in collaboration with user:Jimlemon
UnNews:Greek PM: Swimming in poop better than riding dolphins
UnNews:Syriza wins in Greece; leader vows to end Archaic austerity
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UnNews:Wikimedia accuses NSA of sloppy spying
UnNews:Lego court rules “Smart” Barbie illegal
UnNews:Mayor García apologizes for gay sex at festival
UnNews:U.S. Government data misappropriated
UnNews:3D printer accidently creates functioning Terminator
UnNews:US to ban time
UnNews:African-American civil rights activist wrong color
UnNews:Former White House press secretary hired by Tallywackers
UnNews:Big Tech objects to U.S. spying proposal Collaboration with user:Spike
UnNews:U.S. corners Palestine rubble futures market Collaboration with User:Squidfest
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UnNews:China creates sex database
UnNews:Tsipras beats Merkel at Twister
UnNews:Subway rolls out new ads as Jared goes to prison (with Spike)
UnNews:California in grave danger of sinking
UnNews:Star Wars VII blasted for discrimination

Sport

UnNews:Prehistoric golf club committees had gender equity
UnNews:F1 teams told to kill more drivers
UnNews:Baylis appointed England cricket coach
UnNews:Queen Elizabeth II denies doping allegations
UnNews:Sports Direct in the floodlights amid safety fears

Animal UnNews

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UnNews:City rabbits not as nice as country rabbits
UnNews:Animals to become Wi-Fi hotspots
UnNews:Home Office to cull UK population with predators
UnNews:Jenner: Just call me Max
UnNews:U.S. Government data misappropriated
UnNews:Nestle accused of poodles in their noodles
UnNews:Ant-Man killed in patio accident
UnNews:Autumn to spark significant rise in migrant numbers


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