User:Matthlock/archive1

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Cnorris.pngWARNING:This user knows Chuck Norris and therefore must be either Mr. T, Chuck Norris, Oscar Wilde or dead. Proceed with caution!!!



This user is right-handed.

In Latin they would be Dexter.

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This user is left-handed.
In Latin they would be sinister.
(List of left-handed Uncyclopedians)

FUUUUUUUUUUCK.jpg THIS IS SPARTA!
Straight.jpg This Uncyclopedian is happy to be 100% straight
Biblethumper.jpg This user is Baptist.
This user does not dance.
This user does not drink.
This user does not believe in fun.
Lovejoybox.jpg This user is a Christian

(as long as they put a dollar in the box)

US flag.png This user is American
...and unabashedly proud of it!
(List of American Uncyclopedians)
Paladin.gif This user is a paladin. Hide your demons and undead.
\m/ This user is a metalhead, prone to wearing offensive shirts and headbanging to really loud music. Metalheads also have long hair, but are not to be confused with hippies.
This user is a boy and is made of slugs, snails and puppy dog tails.




n00b This user is a n00b.
VERY OLD PERSON.jpg This user's real age is:
24 years, 7 months and 27 days.

Clock.gif This user has been on Uncyclopedia for
8 years, 11 months and 8 days.

Lotus.gif This user is a reincarnation of Kurt Cobain.

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"This is a userbox. It gives you information about the user you are reading about."
~ Captain Obvious

Captain Obvious CaptainobviousChooseOption.jpg CaptainobviousRed.jpg

DogNewspaper.jpg This user subscribes to the UnSignpost: The periodical without any junk in its trunk!
Guitar-22px.jpg This user plays guitar because it attracts more groupies, and gets more solos than the bass.
Afrogoat.jpg
This user likes goats.
Baaaaahaahaahaahhhh!
DenmarkViking.jpg This user is a Viking and enjoys killing, looting and pillaging.
TheJeeMan.jpg Jesus loves this user, and has blessed this page.
Windows Logo.pngThis user uses Windows because he or she can't get enough of your lover.




Deadbarney3.gifThis user believes Barney is evil and therefore must die.




GN'RThis user is Welcome in the Jungle.



Brain.gif This user's IQ is unknown.

0 This user has written 0 articles because they like to keep busy while shirking real life responsibilities.

Answer to Life.png My edits: 4,686
MEH This user redefines lazy.


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“Hallo Clarice”

~ User:Matthlock on his girlfriend

“OLD JUNK.”

~ User:Matthlock on the above

“Big Cheese, make me.”

~ Kurt Cobain on Matthlock

“Welcome to the Jungle.”

~ W. Axl Rose on this page

“Great movie, OR GREATEST MOVIE?”

~ Matthlock's brother on Commando

“He's Nica-phobic.”

~ That Moldovan chick on Matthlock

“Hello; and welcome to Uncyclopedia. I hope you enjoy your visit and decide to stay. Halló og velkomin til Uncyclopedia. Ég vona að þú njótir heimsókn og ákveða að vera. But whatever you do, do not see this article. For God's sakes, DO NOT SEE THIS ARTICLE. Really, no matter what urge you have, do not see this article. Trust me, it's for your own good.”

~ Matthlock on greeting Icelandic Uncyclopedians

“He's the coolest Australian I know, not to mention the only Australian I know.”

~ Matthlock on Frosty

“A real friend is the kind that follows you around wherever you go and barges into your conversations with other users.”

You know what, now that I think of it, their leader singer is kind of a pussy.”

~ Matthlock on Judas Priest

“Listen to these guys. I think you’d like them. They’re very……………………..uh, Scottish.”

~ Matthlock on the Jesus & Mary Chain

“What’s my drug of choice? Well, do you got some roofalin? Because I think I could use some.”

~ Matthlock on Alice in Chains

“Filming and screening, my picture the scene. Filming and dreaming, dreaming of meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, yeah. Just dreaming of me. That’s all that I do – dream of me. I just dream of me every night. Except for some nights, when I’m dreaming of me banging a good piece of tail. Then it’s not just dreaming of me. But yeah, that’s what I do. I dream of me. Only me, just me. I dream of me.”

~ Matthlock on Depeche Mode

“By every count, definitely better than Modest Mouse.”

~ Matthlock on Built to Spill

“Got my foot bent to the floor, you can feel the engine roar. I got thunder in my head, I’m metal thrashing maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad.”

~ Matthlock on Anthrax

“It’s my belief that ‘Flower’ is Headbanging Heaven

~ Matthlock on Soundgarden

“What is the best duet ever? Obviously, it’s ‘Lady Godiva’s Operation.’”

~ Matthlock on the Velvet Underground

“I’m an Öysterhead.”

~ Matthlock on Blue Öyster Cult

The Greatest Band in the World

~ Matthlock on Led Zeppelin

The Second Greatest Band in the World

~ Matthlock on Joy Division

The perfect music for a cruise.

~ Matthlock on New Order

“They’re like the Clash for Down Under, or is this group British too?”

~ Matthlock on Gang of Four

“I can't get enough of them.”

~ Matthlock on Iron Maiden

“Some people say that he wrote in a very simple style because he was trying to go against the standards that were then changing American writing. But I say that he wrote in such a simple, bland style because words like ‘the’ and ‘cat’ were the only words he knew.”

~ Matthlock on Ernest Hemingway

“This country should be renamed to ‘Brides Я Us.’”

~ Matthlock on Russia

“A guy from that country once came to my doorstep. All in all, I think that he was a scam.”

~ Matthlock on Estonia

“So wait, they were never part of the British Empire?!?”

~ Matthlock on Japan

“Although I have no real way of knowing, I know for a fact that there are people who live in this country

~ Matthlock on Azerbaijan

“The most broke-ass country in Europe.”

~ Matthlock on Albania

“The most unemployed-ass country in Europe.”

~ Matthlock on Macedonia

“The right testicle of Sweden.”

~ Matthlock on Norway

“So um, yeah, my business partner Joel was born in this country. No joke….”

~ Matthlock on Romania

“It's like digging through a junkyard with interesting stuff buried all over the place.”

~ Matthlock on mirror sites

“Have I seen the Andes? Foolish mortal! I created the Andes!”

~ Matthlock on thinking highly of himself

“Feel honored if your name is on here in any way, shape or form. Because that means you've made your way into my heart.”

~ Matthlock on this page

This is me, only less Asian. Sherman.png Smithee-silly-eyes.gif Bernie.jpg Greed is - for lack of a better word - greedy Dafydd el.jpg I think I live here. Babyewok01.jpg BestPicEver.jpg Nigger producer.gif Ualuealualeualueale.gif Blue Ball Factory.gif HERE'S A DUDE WHO KNOWS HOW TO BANG SOME QUIFF.

Party Hard.gif Party Hard.gif Party Hard.gif Party Hard.gif Party Hard.gif Party Hard.gif Party Hard.gif Party Hard.gif Party Hard.gif Party Hard.gif Party Hard.gif Party Hard.gif Party Hard.gif Party Hard.gif Party Hard.gif Party Hard.gif Party Hard.gif Party Hard.gif Party Hard.gif Party Hard.gif Party Hard.gif Party Hard.gif Party Hard.gif Party Hard.gif Party hard.gif Party hard.gif Party hard.gif Party hard.gif Party hard.gif Party hard.gif Party hard.gif Party hard.gif Party hard.gif PARTYHARD.gif PARTYHARD.gif PARTYHARD.gif PARTYHARD.gif PARTYHARD.gif PARTYHARD.gif PARTYHARD.gif PARTYHARD.gif PARTYHARD.gif PARTYHARD.gif PARTYHARD.gif PARTYHARD.gif

VOTE FOR THE RIGHT HONOURABLE FROSTY OR I'LL BE A DULL BOY
 VOTE FOR THE RIGHT HONOURABLE FROSTY OR I'LL BE A DULL BOY
  VOTE FOR THE RIGHT HONOURABLE FROSTY OR I'LL BE A DULL BOY
   VOTE FOR THE RIGHT HONOURABLE FROSTY OR I'LL BE A DULL BOY
    VOTE FOR THE RIGHT HONOURABLE FROSTY OR I'LL BE A DULL BOY
     VOTE FOR THE RIGHT HONOURABLE FROSTY OR I'LL BE A DULL BOY
      VOTE FOR THE RIGHT HONOURABLE FROSTY OR I'LL BE A DULL BOY
       VOTE FOR THE RIGHT HONOURABLE FROSTY OR I'LL BE A DULL BOY

Oscar.jpg File:Oscar wilde mage.JPG Oscar amazed.jpg

USA! USA! USA! USA! AUSTRALIA! AUSTRALIA! AUSTRALIA! AUSTRALIA! Singin' six months ain't no sentence, and one year ain't no time. I was born in Angola, serving 14 to 99! Peace to the fucking Zulu Nation! L'chaim! Hur-rah to the Land of Joyce! I know a chick who's Moldovan if you don't know already I know a dude who's Romanian if you don't know already Hail to once what was the most powerful nation on Earth All hail the mighty flag of Andorra! Muthafuckin' Wu-Tang! STUNG! They're pickin' at me gulliver. YOUR MOTHER SUCKS BIG FUCKING ELEPHANT DICKS. My girlfriend sucks big horse dicks. (And I'm okay with it!) Sucrose b.gif StFgOCr.gif Spinningweed.gif Hitler insults.gif Dancingshermasn.gif FF3 Bahamut.gif Prints money.gif Retardness.gif Retardness.gif Retardness.gif Retardness.gif Retardness.gif Retardness.gif PENUT BUTTA JELLA TIME.gif PENUT BUTTA JELLA TIME.gif PENUT BUTTA JELLA TIME.gif PENUT BUTTA JELLA TIME.gif PENUT BUTTA JELLA TIME.gif PENUT BUTTA JELLA TIME.gif Homerspin.gif Homerspin.gif Homerspin.gif Homerspin.gif Homerspin.gif Homerspin.gif MORE COWBELL! MORE COWBELL! MORE COWBELL! MORE COWBELL! MORE COWBELL! WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME?! I HAVE COWBELL SYNDROME! Napoleon dancing.gif LordOfTheRingsstory.gif Simpsons-1.gif 68643103ef5bc8f78880998dc71baffd.gif Exploding-head.gif We cool bro? Crazy dancing.gif Thatsracist.gif Kickoldwoman.gif Z51905882.gif Usebiggergun.gif Seattlesucked.gif THA BIG PARALYZER, FOO! Chuck norris punch.gif Chuck norris America.jpg Anthrax sign.jpg The Doctor.JPG Kurt Kobain.jpg Japanfrance.jpg Jrrt 1972 pipe.jpg Oh no, it’s the Rapemobile!

HANDS UP, MOTHERFUCKER! HANDS UP, MOTHERFUCKER! HANDS UP, MOTHERFUCKER! This is what my enemies think of me. There's proof that I'm heterosexual. Iancurtis.jpg Oh bother! I’ve turned into a bug. My family, which I alone support, will be so ashamed and scared of me. I guess that there is nothing left for me to do except shrivel up and die. Tceles b hsup.png LOTL-11.jpg These dudes are fuckin’ awesome UKLanding01.jpg Watch out if your name is on this list BONER! Fuckyourwifesass.jpg And THIS is how you fuck a bear!.jpg Naked Lunch.png 2190.jpg Iron-Butterfly-In-a-gadda-da-vid-79355.jpg Napoleon Dynamite time travel.jpg Dempsey pwns Firpo.png Have you seen this boy? Sleeping puppy.jpg

Talal of Jordan.jpg

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about User:Matthlock.

High school student, superhero, godfather, lawyer, rapist, stalker, activist for the rights of the vertically challenged, comedian, Uncyclopedian, Wikipedian, Illogicopedian, Wookieepedian, novelist, short-story writer, alter-ego of Chuck Norris, assistant to Zeus, Communist, terrorist, holy diver, ladies' man and pimp, Matthlock is getting kind of bored and running out of things to do.

To talk to this legend, go see User talk:Matthlock