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Cnorris.pngWARNING:This user knows Chuck Norris and therefore must be either Mr. T, Chuck Norris, Oscar Wilde or dead. Proceed with caution!!!
This user is right-handed.

In Latin they would be Dexter.


This user is left-handed.
In Latin they would be sinister.
(List of left-handed Uncyclopedians)


Straight.jpg This Uncyclopedian is happy to be 100% straight
Biblethumper.jpg This user is Baptist.
This user does not dance.
This user does not drink.
This user does not believe in fun.

Lovejoybox.jpg This user is a Christian

(as long as they put a dollar in the box)

US flag.png This user is American
...and unabashedly proud of it!
(List of American Uncyclopedians)
Paladin.gif This user is a paladin. Hide your demons and undead.
\m/ This user is a metalhead, prone to wearing offensive shirts and headbanging to really loud music. Metalheads also have long hair, but are not to be confused with hippies.
This user is a boy and is made of slugs, snails and puppy dog tails.

n00b This user is a n00b.

VERY OLD PERSON.jpg This user's real age is:
25 years, 7 months and 10 days.


"This is a userbox. It gives you information about the user you are reading about."
~ Captain Obvious

Captain Obvious CaptainobviousChooseOption.jpg CaptainobviousRed.jpg

Guitar-22px.jpg This user plays guitar because it attracts more groupies, and gets more solos than the bass.

This user likes goats.

DenmarkViking.jpg This user is a Viking and enjoys killing, looting and pillaging.
TheJeeMan.jpg Jesus loves this user, and has blessed this page.
Windows Logo.pngThis user uses Windows because he or she can't get enough of your lover.

Deadbarney3.gifThis user believes Barney is evil and therefore must die.

MEH This user redefines lazy.

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"The Greatest Thing Since Sliced Bread " redirects here. For the other Greatest Thing Since Sliced Bread , see Butter.

“Hallo Clarice”

~ User:Matthlock on his girlfriend

“¡Salve Señor Matthlock! ¡Tres hurras por el señor Matthlock! ¡Él es nuestro héroe! ¡Él nos ha liberado!”

~ Che Guevara on User:Matthlock

“Where wanker meets genius”

~ Oscar Wilde on User:Matthlock

“No matter how many times I see this movie, I always get Yellow Fever after watching it”

“This man is a goddamn monkey!”

~ J.D. Salinger on User:Matthlock

Yo man, gimme some of that old gangsta azz shit. Ya know what I'm sayin'? Some shit I can just kick back; smoke a fat ass joint to. Ya know what I'm sayin'?

Not a lawyer.
Biographical information

New Hampshire

Physical description




Hair color

Brown; black in darkness

Eye color

Blue and beautiful, like my girlfriend's eyes

Chronological and political information




Gimme long, gimme long Kid Charlemagne, gimme long Kid Charlemagne

Sartre loves LSD. That's the briefest summary I can give of this book”

“I transcend upon your mere lies!”

“‎‎Lars von Trier is ‎the weirdest man on Earth

~ User:‎Matthlock on ‎stating the obvious

“Hailey's a bit off her rocker.”

~ Matthlock on understating things

“‎An oasis is like an island, only the exact opposite”

~ User:Matthlock on God knows what

“I like wolves, they remind me of Duran Duran

~ User:Matthlock on wolves

You were never here and you did not read that”

~ User:Matthlock on the above

“Shut up, Jar Jar!”

Count Dooku looks like Scaramanga!”

“C'mon Anakin, who you gonna believe? Samuel L., or this homo?”

“Wootini! That's the name of my band! Matthlock and the Wootinis”

20 years in the wilderness really got to Yoda's head

“Why don't I have a pet Ewok?”

“I hate this show! Turn it off! I can feel its great nothingness killing my brain cells!”

“Are you Jamaican? .... 'Cuz Jamaican me crazy!”

~ User:Matthlock on his girlfriend

“Are you from Tennessee? .... 'Cuz you're the only Ten I See”

~ User:Matthlock on his girlfriend

“Are you Russian? .... 'Cuz I can feel my blood Russian”

~ User:Matthlock on his girlfriend

“Are you Israeli? .... 'Cuz my love for you Israel

~ User:Matthlock on his girlfriend

“Are you Iranian? .... 'Cuz Iran to you”

~ User:Matthlock on his girlfriend

“Seriously, where are you from?”

~ User:Matthlock on his girlfriend

“I like my ladies the way I like my steaks, rare and juicy, and occasionally with a side of A1 Sauce”

~ User:Matthlock on his steaks

A man of whose contributions to Uncyclopedia are too great to sum up, Barry Julius Raymond Asa Silas Charles Montgomery Peter Clint Roger Del Roy Elias Wilcox Wilson Meyer Andrei Lester Felix John Wesley Irving Ramsey David Stanley Kevin Oliver Elias Alexander Clancy Martin Adam Thomas Lionel Ian Jefferson Kenneth Wilford Winslow Homer Jay Joseph Linus Leonard Matthew Philip Murphy Kurt Ambrose Wayne Julian Milhous Aaron Zachariah Lance Marcus Wilkes Lyle Ned Wallace Erickson McKriegler Harrison Taylor Wooldrum, or User:Matthlock fights for the rights of the average users

His powers


His enemies

This is what my enemies think of me. There's proof that I'm heterosexual

His heroes


I can handle this.

Pages he's created, plans on creating, will create, or will recreate, or will edit with permission of the author, unless somebody beats him to it at making these articles, and if they do, then he'll just raise his glass of milk to them in congratulations of a job well done

The pages I promise to finish by 2036

Matthlock's favorite bands


Other names of Matthlock


[Lando is my homeboy]


People who stole my name

[[1]] - THIS GUY!

[[2]] - HIM TOO!



You fools! I'm going to sue you all! Damn you for stealing my name without permission!

(hide) Secret shames

Matthlock on Mila Kunis


~ User:Matthlock on revealing the above three statements

“Despite those shortcomings, User:Matthlock is still one cool cat”
~ Oscar Wilde

“Suck mah fat ass balls”


“Yeah, you're a woman, right?”

~ Bart Simpson on Oscar Wilde

“No, I'm a dude”

~ Oscar Wilde on Bart Simpson

Dude looks like a lady?”

~ Bart Simpson on Oscar Wilde

“It seems as though”

~ Oscar Wilde on Bart Simpson

“Well, nevermind, I don't roll that way

~ Bart Simpson on Oscar Wilde
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about User:Matthlock.

(hide) Dream life

After leaving from my job as a furniture salesman, I take a wonderful walk back to my home (which includes making a stop to talk with the elfling creatures), a chocolate mansion in a lemon forest in Germany. I say hello to my wife, none, and then I pick up my guitar: A 1996 Jackson Custom Shop Roswell Rhoads and I start singing my song, with a voice like Heaven

- It might happen, SHAH, and monkeys might fly out of my butt!

Something else


Challenges for the reader

Count all the links here and then count all the ones that actually make sense.


If you delete or heavily modify my userpage, you owe me a new one!

See also