User:Meganew/The Un-Wiki War
|Date: 2001 - 2049|
|Location: The entire planet Earth.|
|Status: Currently in the beginning phase of the war. We are now losing, but the Chuck Norris is leading a strike team to sabotage the Wikipedians' headquarters.|
|Result: Complete victory for the great resistance... we hope.|
|Uncyclopedia (the "Uncyclopedian Resistance") The Federation of Uncylopedian Nations. (Appears in 2036)|| The Wikipedian Alliance. Wikipedia (officially "The Wikiland Alliance for serious and unfunny articles")|
McDonald's (All of these forces are crushed in 2011 to be replaced by the Wikipedian Facist Government.)
|Funny - Democracy||卐 Serious - Fascist|
|A various series of commanders, the most glorious and illustrious, John Freger, who lead the uncyclopedian hacker armies from the tender age of 10 and Captain Connor O'Reily, the physic leader of the European forces from 2000 to 2011.||A bunch of evil megalomaniac Fascists who are currently not on the axis of evil because that would violate several international laws.|
|In total war:50,006,138,122||In total war:117,802,531,663|
|In total in War: 30,782,556,810||In total in War: 58,700,000,000 (records are not clear, as many were killed in "purges".)|
|Invasion of Uncyclopedia - Battle of Nintendorulez - The Battle of AAAAAAAA! - The battle of N00B - The battle of Oscar Wilde - The battle of Captain Obvious - The battle of Kitten Huffing - The battle of Grue - The battle of Your Mom - The battle of Russian Reversal - The Nuclear incident (These are all known by different names by the wikipedians, but they are named things like Combat Syrge G/5/083/221 and other incredibly boring stuff like that. Seriously, you don't want to go into this.)|
“In all my years of writing the funniest and wittiest material ever to grace the eyes of the world's peoples, never before have I seen such merciless destruction... May I live to write another day!”
The Dark Reign of Wikipedia And What Came From It.
In the beginning, there were a bunch of evil megalomaniacs who created the evil website of Wikipedia. Most people fell for the evil lies of these people, until a brave resistance group formed, intent on freeing the world. These people started by stopping the evil machinations of wikipedia and tryed to reduce their stranglehold on truth, justice and freedom. Soon, these freedom fighters had their own website, dedicated to stopping them. They should have been hailed as heroes, but wikipedia's evil mind control and propaganda turned against them. Now, they began actively copying and pasting their articles over Wikipedia's while keeping back-up copies of their own. Eventually, the quantum network bomb destroyed both websites, causing the world to be split into two factions. Good vs Evil, Uncyclopedia vs. Wikipedia.
The First Couple of Years.
As soon as the two factions left cyberspace, the battle for territories was quick, brutal and all too often random. Both sides were inexperienced and often made basic errors. The brief history of territory grabbing:
- The U.S.A. joined Uncyclopedia, because it is awesome. However after years of jokes at their expense, Canada and Mexico joined the wikipedian alliance. There were several bands of resistance in the northern islands of Canada, funded by the forces occupying Greenland. (Greenland was easily captured by uncyclopedia, because at the start of the war, its population was 2 geeks ogling penguins.)
- Uncyclopedia quickly holed itself up in the strong, mountain forts of the Andes, while Wikipedia began enslaving the large countries of Brazil and Argentina. With almost all of the rest of the continent controlled by Uncyclopedia, it was set up to be a pretty close run thing.
- Central America has become a choke-point battle, with Wikipedian forces from Mexico clashing with Uncyclopedian forces from Panama and Southern America.
- Due to the lack of services in poverty-stricken Africa at this time, the place was in utter chaos. Territories were grabbed everywhere and thousands died. No one is really sure what happened here.
- Uncyclopedia flags were quickly flying high from everywhere in Britain, as a very funny country (*cough*). The entire continent was split almost randomly, except for Germany. The occupants of Germany, busy beavering away with the efficiency only Germans have, did not notice the wikipedian menace until it was knocking on peoples doors. (Fascism? Again? Oh nooooo...)
- Uncyclopedia quickly claimed Russia by announcing free Vodka for all. (In Uncyclopedian Russia), Country Seizes YOU!!) The Middle Eastern' hatred of America made it instantly turn Wikipedian. (But their American too. Helloooooooo?) The rest was pretty much normal, except East Asia. East Asia was quickly claimed because of the AAA (Awesome Asian Alliance).
- Australia was quickly captured for Uncyclopedia, with copious amounts of beer. The islands around were plunged into utter chaos and people fought hard, but little difference was made.
In the Beginning... Both sides were using technology that hadn't really become better since the gulf war and were both inexperienced, so that land grabbing was random and many skirmishes were ineffective.
Technological Advances In This Phase
- The Lynx computer system x2000 allowed Uncyclopedia to build their website quickly. They were yet to know of the significance this would have in hacker warfare.
- The Sprite tank. With a new, prototype energy weapon attached to the front, the sprite dominated the battlefield. Despite the fact that they were useless against heavy emplacements, expensive and could be pwned in the right circumstances, they were very effective.
- The Omani Medium Firepower Grenade (OMFG). The Omani medium firepower grenade caused a paralyzing energy explosion to whoever it hit. It turned the tide of several invasion battles in the eastern Asian Islands.
- The "Purity" MKI and "Serenity" MKII automated concentration camps. Wikipedia used this to murder many innocent people and some crooks who deserved lesser sentences. Estimated to have Killed 42,000 in their serving time.
- TheInvertor. Had the ability to reduce hackers to madness by turning their computer into a age of video game porn and 4chan videos. Did not work in Sparta.
- Despite border clashes in Mexico, neither side gained ground. However, naval invasionswikipedians to gain a few more islands there.
- No change.
- Due to several wikipedian communication blunders, invasion forces quickly moved in on Argentina and Brazil, and began slowly gaining ground.
- The two sides quickly consolidated. Uncyclopedia in the South and north-east Africa, while wikipedia consolidated in the congo and north-west africa.
- The Uncyclopedian resistance began offensives in East Europe, while the Wikipedians began an assault on Portugal.
- Several Uncyclopedians were wiped out in the wikipedian offensives on the Middle East, while in southeast Asia, Uncyclopedians from Russia began to invade countries, most notably Korea in which they found one of the head leaders of the corporation, who was found stabbing a panda through the face.
- Several Islands were claimed for wikipedia in their growing plans for an attack on Australia.
Over the 7 years, the two sides quickly learnt to step up their tactics and exploit the other sides weaknesses.
Wikipedians started placing innocent
pornstars civilians in harms way, while uncyclopedia would use cunning tricks taking hours to execute. The most famous of these is the "hooker" technique, where a light attack force moves just out of firing range, and is followed by a larger attack force, to be finished by the main forces.
Technological Advances In This Phase
- The Riversong Attack Satellite. The Riversong Attack Satellite was originally designed to launch A powerful Miasma of energy down on ground targets. However, had very little Hacking protection, so all satellites were jammed in "do not fire" mode by wikipedian hackers.
- The Hirox light fighter. A fast, lightly armored craft with medium firepower, which was well ahead of its time. Was incredibly successful and gave the uncyclopedians very successful until the wikipedians came up with fighters to counter it. Even when it was not state of the art, it was used right up until the The battle of AAAAAAAA!.
- The Virus Gun and Trap II. Old virus traps and guns from the Log War were refitted to destroy all wikipedian hackers by crashing all computer systems. This was done by reprogramming the Log viruses to asplode the computer. SU-10 Spork anti-ship kill vehicle. Still experimental, well known for the destruction of the wikipedian battlefleet
CABAL.There is no CABAL.
- The "Guide" MKIII concentration camp. Used again by the wikipedians to kill 52,500 people, making it more successful than either of it's predecessors.
- The "Regard" handheld semi-automatic machine gun. Fires 50 rounds per second, can penetrate anything short of a medium tank and one soldier can hold up to 2,400 bullets on them at one time. Created towards the end of the phase, it soon began wreaking havoc in Europe, Africa and Asia.
- The "darkstorm" energy battlecruiser. An incredibly advanced battlecruiser, it ruled the seas for 2 years, turning the tide in the uncyclopedian islands of the pacific.
The Tide Turns.
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