So how do I contribute to Uncyclopedia? I've written a few articles. Some crap. Some mildly funny. Most of them pretty good. I also love (and am pretty good at) doing Pee Reviews, and specialize in formatting, concept building and image ideas. My articles and reviews can be quickly glanced at here.
Let's just say you've been warned. Ta.
My Article of the Moment
Congratulations on finding this page! It's like a secret "Easter Egg" from us to you, if you ignore the fact that it's not hidden. Let's just call it "interactive"! Which is something Hollywood makes up to flatter dummies who go to the unbelievable effort of purchasing a "customized" iPod skin, or "joining" and official website, or in this case, typing up something in a search box. But having read this far, you're in no position to complain. You're the one squinting to read this meaningless gibberish, while anxiously pretending it's a special bonus for fans like yourself. We've hooked you good. So make it easier on your fanboy ego, keep buying onto the lie. Hey, we all humped your mama last night, and paid her a nickel! Still reading? Of course you are. Of course you are. More...</option>
Holy f***! I'm on a boat, on a river and guess what - it's heading towards a f***ing waterfall. And there's a f***ing leopard trying to kill me and lots of f***ing alligators in the water. What the f*** is this, some lame adventure movie?
So What Happens Next...?
Fuck. I know what you're thinking. There really IS NO waterfall or boat or alligators of that fucking leopard that - aaaaaargh! - just fucking bit off my leg. In fact, there's no Amazon Rainforest either, with strangulatering pythons, bottomless holes with spikes at the bottom or head-hunting pygmies with laser guns. You think it's just a - FUCKING - story! Well - (Fuck of, Leopard, I'm trying to type here) - it's not! It's real! And while you sit your fat arse on the computer and laugh at my troubles, I'm fucking dying here! More...</option>
Gondor is a pussy little country next to Germany and Australia, in Middle Earth. It tends to fight orcs heaps and somehow always seems to defeat the dark forces of Mordor, even though all their soldiers suck.
The word Gondor probably comes from the latin world Holyshitit’slotsoforcs. Either that or J. R. R. Tolkien just couldn’t think up any good names. More...</option>
The FIFA Middle Earth Cup is a soccer/football (whatever you want to call it) championship tournament that originated in Middle Earth. There are so far eight teams and these have been battling it out since the beginning of time. There have been thirty FIFA Middle Earth Cups so far, and the current champions are the Dragons, who simply burn all their opponents.
The FIFA Middle Earth Cup originated when Sauron decided that they weren't having enough wars so he devised a soccer team and challenged the kingdoms of Gondor, Rohan and The Shire to a match. Rohan won and four years later they decided to do it again, but this time the Elves competed and so did the Dragons, who narrowly defeated Mordor in the final. The People With Elephants and Stuff noticed the uproar, and along with the Dwarves of the Misty mountains they joined the Cup. More...</option>
Originating thousands of years ago, Taking in the Washing was once an ancient meditating technique developed by the Japanese, who used too calm themselves before battle. Now it used by mothers to dry clothes. But why should YOU have to know how to do this ancient technique? I mean, you're probably a Video Game fanatic and never leave your room. You probably never change your clothes either. Well, I have to remind you - lazy mothers DO happen. And they most likely will make you do their work for them. When the time comes, will you be ready? Because if you aren't, you'll never get back to that last level on Halo, will you?
So here we present, and in depth guide to a horrible, slavery type chore. We hope you enjoy it. More...</option>
The history of Plastic Soldiers is long, but in the history, one figure stands out. His name was Sergeant Splutpatter, and is still considered to be one of the greatest and controversial leaders of the Plastic Soldiers. Later in his reign he led himself and twenty men on a doomed mission to find the human’s weaknesses and their home base. None of them ever returned. Later his journal was discovered and published into an international bestseller (considering there had never been any books written by Plastic Soldiers before). His story is historic and heart-moving, and is considered one of the greatest example of literature of this age. More... </option>
This is the diary of one of just many Uncyclopedia noobs, and it follows the events of his, er... eventful life on Uncyclopedia. It details the arrival of a noob and his futile battles with an admin, now considered to symbolize the same great battle between David and Goliath. Except Goliath won this time. Easily. It is now considered one the greatest works of literature for all Uncyclopedia noobs and all are recommended to read it. It was first published as 'How to get Banned Quickly', but controversy with 'HowTo:Get Banned' made them change the name. More...</option>
I know. Another bad day. It seems these days every day is a bad day. Let me guess. Your article got huffed. That article that you spent hours, and believing that it was good enough to be a featured article - I know, we all have those days. Well, some of us.
Sometimes when you're having a bad day it's best to shut out the world completely. Clear out your thoughts, calm down, and just forget the world. And is there any better way to do that then DESTROY the world? I know, 2012 is coming, but - hey! - why not finish it early? Besides, it will be a bit of fun! Problem is, the world isn't that soft - or stupid. That's why you have to have a procedure before you embark on your destructive, acopalyptic, phsyco-insane madman mission of doom. Because, you've always have to consider safety first - even when you are blowing up the entire earth and everyone in it - which isn't very safe anyway. So, in aid of all those terrorists, aliens, half dead zombie mutants and Uncyclopedian failures like you, 'HowTo:' has been kind enough to provide the world the first guide to completing this task. More...</option>
Kamino is a planet far, far away, mostly consisting of water. Lots of water. It is often referred as The Big Sea Planet and that place where they made the clones and stuff. Erased from Jedi records, the planet was only discovered by Obi-an Kanobi when he landed there and fought Jango Fett, who promptly fled like a little wuss. Home to many millions of species of fish (they take up the majority of the planet's life), the main species of Kamino are coincidently called 'Kaminoans'. They are long necked alien like beings, and are a nice change to fish. More...</option>
The Mary Celeste was a ship that was sailing to Portugal when it was found completely empty with no sign of a struggle. This became one of the greatest mysteries of the age. Not even Sherlock Holmes could solve it. Ever. Some of the theories speculated were alcoholic fumes, mutiny, aliens, UFOs, sea monsters and a dangerous lack of minties. I mean why didn't it have a plausible explanation like the Titanic? Like the captain and engineers complete stupidity? Plus, they can't make a top box movie out of it either, as we don't know what happened! More...</option>
15 August 2010
CANBERRA, Australia -- With the Australian election campaign in full swing, all the attention is on the leaders of the two major parties. But scientists in Sydney, NSW, have found startling results from genetic extracts from the Prime Minister's and the Opposition leader's blood.
"We were carrying out a routine pathology test on Ms Gillard's blood cells," says one scientist to an UnNews reporter, "when we found large doses of elephant DNA. Surprised, we continued our testing. Then we tested Mr Abbott's blood. It was the same! We have never seen anything quite like it!" More...</option>
With the World Cup over, many people have enjoyed watching great stars play. Lots of these soccer lovers would love to BE one of those stars. Unfortunately, they're not going to be - they just have to face it. So many of them take to video games that make them FEEL like a soccer star. Games like FIFA 10, a high quality soccer game. Today I'm going to review this game, and see if I can feel like a soccer star too.
Logging onto the Game
Putting the disc into the Playstation 2 with a click, I relax as the game loads. It takes a surprisingly long time. After about an eternity of logos, slogans, and copyright-breaking music, the game finally moves into the main menu. So far the graphics look pretty good. I start a new game. Now, who to choose...? I'll be Chelsea, and the other team can be Arsenal. I start the game and am greeted by a badly animated stadium, spectators that resemble cardboard cutouts, and bland product placing. But, it's ok. I think.
I take a look at the controls. Pretty simple, it seems. X to pass, O to shoot... etc... Ok, time to start.