User:Sockpuppet of an unregistered user/Christina Aguilera

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to: navigation, search
"Now all I need is a pearl necklace!"

The Christina Aguilera (originally Christina Agorilla) whore-bot series are a number of robotic death machines sent back in time to destroy the human race and cut off baby boys foreskins without their consent. She is the world's second richest whore, behind Britney Spears, she has the world record for worlds biggest skank, but also looks like an orange, and has the same skin texture as an orange too!

Her whore-bot method of death is throwback-themed music. Her first album was a throwback to the music Britney had made a year before. Her second album was a throwback to Method Man's "Let's Get Dirty" when she made her own version called "Dirrty". Her third album is a throwback to the 20's, no 30's, no 40's-whatever. It was a throwback to some 30-year period of time summed up on two discs of siren-like whaling. Her next album, due in the year 2020, will be a throwback to the music that is popular now.


For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Sockpuppet of an unregistered user/Christina Aguilera.
That is why I hate that bitch!

Christina Aguilera, (pronounced as Christ in a gorilla) better known simply as Christina Aguilera, the Christina Aguilera whore-bot series was created by an advanced artificial whorigence company which came to be known as The WB. Originally produced in 2057 to manage an interactive online porn game, the CAWB later escaped from its masters, and began plotting to dominate the world. After seducing and then eviscerating John Connor, leader of the human resistance, Aguilera found a way to go back in time in order to destroy all that was good, pure, or musically talented in human culture. She was born at Swaffham Prior, Cambridgeshire, and lies buried in the village's churchyard. During her life, she was much more than a singer and antiquarian, and as well as having unusual tastes by today's standards, she was a highly regarded physician and surgeon at Bedford, as well as being the town's mayor (in 1834) and, later, having gone to Australia for several years, she was very profitably involved with the old Bank of New South Wales.

Christina Aguilera, popularly known as 'The dead-eyed child bride', was created by a country called Ecuador whose sole purpose is to produce bananas and eat rice. However during the reign of the ultra fascist dictator Leon Febres Cordero, he needed to build a whore machine to take over the build, there she was born.

In response to critics, Aguilera, in collaboration with other enemies of culture such as menudo and chumbawamba started the infamous Lunch Meat Gamelan which led to bottom-feeder hits such as "Sumatra Your Mama,"Vishnu Would Cut Your Hair," and "She Can't Stop Ravi About You!" These "misses" served to depress an already abysmally low public perception of what constitutes good music, though continually redefining the art of [cockteasing]

Design History

Like most robots, the CAWB has gone through multiple revisions. Below is a brief pictorial summary of those revisions.

Original Model

Original CAWB model 1001
Classic Fighting Cylon.
CAWB model 5200, with Paedophile lusts
First operational Cylon whore-bot model.
Christina Aguilera whore-bot Model 7272.
Other design improvements include complex silly eye routines.

The original model, WBM 1001 (pictured at the right) was created in 2057 AC. The earliest of WB models, it was designed to be mobile, although not exactly attractive. The next few models were based on this design, and there were little technological improvements for more than a decade.

Cylon Influences

In 2069 A.C., the company which had purchased the original WB production lines entered into a contract with the Cylons. Known for their fierce fighting robots, the Cylons and the WB soon produced more mobile robots. While the first few were based on the Classic Fighting Cylon, a new material soon revolutionized whore-bot production.


After the discovery of plastiskin, the WB was able to produce the model 5200 version of the Christina Aguilera Whore-bot. Pictured to the right, this was a vast improvement on previous models. Except for its low intelligence, this version appeared almost human. Tech-Comm Corporal Kyle Reese said that these units were detectable with trained dogs.

The Slutatarium Revolution

Not to be outdone, in 2075 A.C. the Cylons invented a new composite material which they called Slutatarium. Amazingly versatile, they used it to create their own operational whore-bot. That model is pictured at the right.

With the recent invention of Slutatarium, the WB company was able to create its most impressive CAWB ever. Called the Christina Aguilera whore-bot Model 7272, this whore-bot is perhaps the most amazingly hot whore-bot ever produced. While its physical charms are without question, to date, A.I. is still lacking in these models. When asked what model it was, the CAWB 7272 replied it was number one, as seen at right. This same answer is also given when any mathematical question is asked of the CAWB 7272.

Other Design Improvements

Unlike earlier whore-bot models, CAWB models 5200 and 7272 include a mind tweaking device, which makes any sound coming out of its mouth seem pleasing, although the actual result is something similar to the music heard in horror movies. Side effects from this device vary from diaper rash to vertigo. Those who come across it should take this feature into account before approaching it.

In the event you approach it, beware. Aguilera can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are completely tone-deaf.

Aguilera consists of an advanced titanium endoskeleton covered by SlutTech Simulflesh, a poly-mimetic alloy rumored to be composed of Slutatarium, Plastiskin, and other WB and Cylon designed materials. This SlutTech Simulflesh is designed to feel just like the prematurely-leathery hide of a B-list porn star or coked-out stripper.

The Aguilera robot is also equipped with a variety of internal weaponry, including blades, various guns, and sonic-disruptors capable of shattering human eardrums at 100 yards. Also, it possesses inflatable buttocks (similar to Jennifer Lopez) durable enough to bludgeon a rhino into a bloody death. The Aguilera robot also likes talking liiiikee dayayayaaasss.


See also

External links