I'm still here. Real life got some bullshit thrown at it, and now my internet has turned into molasses circa the winter of '82. Hopefully it stops that soonish.
“after a few hundred pages the story just melds into a big blob of nothingness spiced with chagrin.”
“Now, I know some of you, mostly the guys, might think it’s cool to stand up in church, whip out your wang, wiggle it around like a jiggleworm, and give it a couple whaps to your old mom’s cheek, making a sweet echo effect across the pews.”
“but I prefer to help the world along a path of change, not force change down the throats of others. I never force it. However, if someone was to ask for a little change down their throat, I would be willing and able to push it deep, deep down. Mmmmmm...”
“Frankly, forty minutes is too long to microwave almost anything. Maybe if you were trying to cook a turkey in there; I don't know. I've never tried.”
Nursery Rhymes & Quick Jokes
- Thou - Featured Article 07/02/2008 Top 3 article of July 2008
- UnBooks:A Story, About a Man, that Comes to an Eventual Conclusion - Featured Article 07/14/2008
- Awkward Conversation - Featured Article 07/23/2008
- UnNews:Jesse Jackson endorses McCain; Obama's lead skyrockets - Solid, not great.
- A friendly message from the supporters of John McCain - Increditastic!
- Addition (rewrite) - Rewrite of earlier deleted article. - Fantastical
- UnNews:My country is better than your whole fucking continent! - Boo Europe!
- UnNews:Bad economy forces terrorists to change tactics - Better in concept than in execution.
- I just thought up a really good idea for an article, but now I can't remember it. - Awesome.
- UnBooks:Michael Phelps Makes Me Sick - This is the article that I am most proud of. Featured UnBook. Featured Article 07/26/2009
- Forest Whitaker's Lazy Eye - Awe-Mazing
- UnBooks:The Autobiography of Jesus of Nazareth - Featured Article 07/03/2009
- UnNews:KISS ruins high school graduation - With Todd
- 2000 - The new millennium. It lasted 1 year.
- 2006 - Seriously, February 2006 sucked.
- UnNews:My thirteen colonies are better than your entire grand empire - Boo British Empire!
- James Carville (rewrite) - Might as well put this up here until it gets deleted.
- Martin Luther King Jr.- Try writing anything bad about this guy. It's impossible. Featured Article 03/02/2011
- UnNews:Living creatures found to be bad for other living creatures - People are idiots. 6 months of rust or so... and it shows.
- That time I nearly got an article featured by the community during my sojourn in Uncyclopedia - No, seriously, it nearly got featured.
- Lynx (Character) - Extremely convoluted, or your money back!!! QFA
- UnBooks:Choose Your Own Adventure:One Ordinary Day - And it only took me 7 1/2 months!!! Featured Article 08/15/2010
- Conrack - Yay! I wrote something again!
- UnNews:China adopts controversial new "Having Girls is for Fags" policy - I.... uh.... *shrugs*
- Saturn is a Lying Bitch - 2nd Best Article Spring 2012 PLS Featured Article 07/06/2012 Top 3 article of July 2012
- Professor X - Deep, deep down. Mmmmm..... Featured Article 08/08/2012
Concepts, Templates, Random BS
- User:The Woodburninator/List of Uncyclopedians I like
- User:The Woodburninator/List of Uncyclopedians I can't stand
- UnNews:YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW I FEEL, DAD! - Written in an hour or so. I dislike it, but it was kept, so there you go.
A High Five to These Articles
- Talk:Sania Mirza - Always and forever.
- UnNews:Hey America! Fuck you, too!
- Sania Mirza: A Riposte
- Vandalism Done Right.- Show the continent of America who is boss, my vandalizing friend.
- Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/L33T Nonsense (v2) - Cajek FTW.
- Old School Don't vote for my dog! Call me crazy, but I like this version better.
- My favorite talk page post ever. Left on Ape's talk page. Thank you Sunbeam!
Images I Worked On
- Monkey Olympics!!! - purposely bad.
- John McCain loves bunnies.
- Barack Obama does not!
- Sexy MSPainting it up.
- Maid in China
- If you don't get it...
- Hagia Sophia!
- 5th Year Uncycloversary Logo.
- The Half Blood Prince.