User talk:EStop

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IMPORTANT!PLEASE CHECK THIS FORUM ON FUTURE UNCYCLOPEDIA HOSTING![edit]

Forum:Hosting options for Uncyclopedia (wikia) --Laurels.gifRomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate) ® 12:28, March 13, 2019 (UTC)

You Missed All the Fun[edit]

Glad you found us. Thanks for the UnNews story, Laurels.gifRomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate) ® 20:04, 3 July 2019 (UTC)

Good to hear from you Romartus. So, Wikia decided to become all grown up and focus on Star Wars cannon instead. That's fortunate, the morality police decided the original Uncyclopedia site was too rude for us hairy seamen.  EStop Press here for Room Service 20:34, 3 July 2019 (UTC)
I checked the edit history, you've been away at sea since September 2017. I feared the worst! Had Captain EStop sunk somewhere and we didn't know? Yes, Wikia told us to leave in February this year. It's a long and complicated story but we're here now. No more nipple police or adverts extolling users to go to some fan site linked with merchandise sales. Laurels.gifRomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate) ® 20:43, 3 July 2019 (UTC)
Maintained the head above water in the main thank you. Nothing worse happened than waking up last summer to discover we'd all been sold to some Belgians, that sort of thing used to go on in Portsmouth quite a lot in the 1800s, as you know. Easier than finding a new host for a bunch of rogue wiki wranglers. Nice to see it was handled well by everybody and good to see plenty of activity, with a raft of new admins too.  EStop Press here for Room Service 21:18, 3 July 2019 (UTC)
In the 1800s? You sailed with Nelson?? :) Haha, I can see it's a typo. I have to thank the wonderful skills of people like Llwy-ar-lawr, Snarglefoop, Nigel Scribbler and Spike for their work here. We even managed to bring along a real old timer from the very early days, Carlb to join us on board. So, though we are currently a bit short of users (blame Wikia-Fandom for just closing the site and not telling anyone where we went), uncyclopedia carries on. Simsilikesims is also here. I think that's everyone at the moment. Hope you can stick around. Laurels.gifRomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate) ® 22:35, 3 July 2019 (UTC)
Glad to see you finally sailed to a spot where the connection works! And looking forward to our next collaboration! Spıke Radiomicrophone.gif03:25 4-Jul-19
Good to see you back. I don't think we've met; I'm one of those new admins -- well, sort of new. ❦ Llwy-ar-lawr talkcontribs • 03:44 4 July 2019
Nice to make your acquaintance Llwy! It's cool watch talented coders make these sites dance. Limited technical competence kept me merrily employed with janitorial duties only! Rom, I served under a Captain Nelson once, he saw no ships because he was never on the bridge. And a Captain Kirk - who lost his trousers ashore through misadventure, twice, in Italy. Gene Roddenberry would have been disappointed. I should be around more now - Spike, great to hear from you! [Rest of conversation moved to Talk:Aldi]  EStop Press here for Room Service 08:38, 4 July 2019 (UTC)

UnNews:UK pols lower bar for new Prime Minister[edit]

Goodness! he calls to mind Donald Trump! Spıke Radiomicrophone.gif18:29 21-Jul-19

Yes, thought the same about half way through compiling. The text lifted from the Labour Peers' advert slating Jeremy Corbyn and the Labour management has hardly been changed at all, a bit of compression for the UnNews. It even has the official Labour Party crest, which the Peers are completely entitled to use. Quite a move, classier than a Twitter rant! Would like to frame an original for the bathroom.
You know how Psychologists describe the different emotional phases after a traumatic event... Westminster is frustration, fear, confusion, embarrassment and disappointment… which leads to more frustration, fear, confusion… rinse and repeat; like being Martin Sheen, or Tommy Robinson’s nan. At the same time it feels like you're rubber-necking a never ending car-crash, so awful that there's a sense of guilt witnessing it all unravelling... and so far, no opportunity to move into the remorse, self-reflection and recovery phases!  EStop Press here for Room Service 13:31, 22 July 2019 (UTC)

Yes, whereas the alleged traumatic event is still four months off (and, in my opinion, holding). "Brexit any day now." Spıke Radiomicrophone.gif14:55 22-Jul-19

The EU have said in a recent documentary they are not interested in talking about cheese, wine and BMWs with the Brits, who had planned negotiations around trade. The EU are interested in maintaining the integrity of the EU. If the organization believes it's entire integrity is under threat from one country out of 28 leaving, it does not have sufficient integrity. That's some admission actually, and a stronger incentive than a loss of pesto sales! The issue of the Irish border was therefore never about alignment of trade rules to prevent barriers appearing and kindling disorder. It is about pulling-out every stop to prevent us from leaving on reasonable terms, or at all, as a message to the other 27. They said as much in 2016, even that the UK needed to be "punished". You may remember that there were several countries talking about leaving back then.
And their tactic is working (even if the EU don't really think their integrity is under threat at all). The 27 have got back in their boxes and closed ranks, while we have disintegrated live on the 24h news channels. The EU27 have been adamant they will not re-negotiate terms, I believe them. They don't need to, because parliament are determined to undermine what I think is our only lever: the threat of a hard Brexit.
Hard Brexit may be the nightmare scenario, but one way or another there has to be movement, because this holding pattern is a growing nightmare that if delayed beyond October, will end up worse.
As for trying to square the various elements of the present situation... it's beyond me! It looks like remain or hard-Brexit at the minute, Boris has already said he will leave without a deal if the EU don't budge on the backstop. Either way, now views have been allowed to become entrenched through pitiful leadership, half the country and our leaders are going to be fighting the other half. The first move being preparations for no-confidence vote in the new Tory leader by his own party.  EStop Press here for Room Service 16:35, 22 July 2019 (UTC)
Talking of Brexit..perhaps we need a new article on the Farage Party. Updates required on other political stories too. --Laurels.gifRomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate) ® 16:47, 22 July 2019 (UTC)
Okey doke, will take a look at that.  EStop Press here for Room Service 17:11, 22 July 2019 (UTC)

Agree entirely about the absurdity of relying on Parliament to do tough international negotiation, or on conservative parties to keep their word about anything. Also agree about the desire of the EU for self-perpetuation; recall that my country conducted its most disastrous war, not about slavery (that was the sales pitch for Northern mothers) but to bring the South back in, under the terms of federation that were deliberately disadvantageous to it, and the President who took us to war with ourself is the greatest national hero. Uncertainty (not separation nor the specific terms of separation) is the nightmare, which I hear has cost one steel corporation already. But trade is not between countries or blocs, but between individuals (some corporate), and they will continue insisting that their political bodies find a way to let trade continue. Long live shrimp crisps and curved bananas! Spıke Radiomicrophone.gif18:03 22-Jul-19

UnNews:Urgent review ordered for Covid death recording[edit]

Welcome back! Thanks for this; you are on the Front Page. Spıke Radiomicrophone.gif16:50 17-Jul-20

It's Captain EStop!Laurels.gifRomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate) ® 21:06, 17 July 2020 (UTC)

Good to hear from you, hope this finds you all well. The Admiralty has finally taken pity on us and cranked up the internet — a contemporary "splice the mainbrace".  EStop Press here for Room Service 03:27, 18 July 2020 (UTC)

Aye aye Captain! At last the Royal Navy has moved from the steam powered internet to the modern age...but isn't your kit Made in Chi-na? Laurels.gifRomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate) ® 14:07, 18 July 2020 (UTC)

Everything on here is made in China, even the china!  EStop Press here for Room Service 15:47, 28 July 2020 (UTC)

Clay[edit]

Run and vote for yourself! Also other noms, VFD is languishing, and am I the only voter for Llwy for UotY-2019 for creating this refuge for us? Spıke Radiomicrophone.gif13:42 26-Jul-20

Thanks for nom and will do. There's an UnNews on my desk(top) to upload too.  EStop Press here for Room Service 15:50, 28 July 2020 (UTC)
Re. VFD No Vowels, the text is not appearing on the page. Probably finger trouble, did a copy/paste of the template.
Would you be so kind as to help me get going with the maintenance gadgets? The box is ticked in preferences, but nothing evident in Recent Changes or at the top of the page.  EStop Press here for Room Service 12:17, 30 July 2020 (UTC)

I am using a gadget to unwatch pages (check User:Spike/common.js) which Llwy helped me get to run on this version of Uncyclopedia. The Rollback button is also working for me. I know "patrol all" is not working and Llwy looked at it briefly. I dabble in script once every 6 months and the learning curve is always greater than the results! Spıke Radiomicrophone.gif12:27 30-Jul-20

Oh, I see. There was a bug in User:Avronyx/Signature that I thought I fixed in June. Ctrl-F5 to purge the page doesn't work. Spıke Radiomicrophone.gif12:34 30-Jul-20

Got it. Avronyx specifies that his signature file is to be followed by a vertical bar. This of course breaks the template. Spıke Radiomicrophone.gif12:38 30-Jul-20

Thanks, seem to have most of the widgets actually — I came unstuck trying to huff a couple of photos not used for Clay. Didn't there use to be a button at the top of the page for that (can't remember)?  EStop Press here for Room Service 12:58, 30 July 2020 (UTC)
Found it... yes, I am useless.  EStop Press here for Room Service 13:02, 30 July 2020 (UTC)

Aye, Sir! That would be the delete button. Unless you want to nuke yourself. Spıke Radiomicrophone.gif17:50 30-Jul-20

Just as well I didn't join the Silent Service.  EStop Press here for Room Service 03:17, 31 July 2020 (UTC)

UnNews:Trump: Elections not as democratic as my Twitter feed[edit]

Your Trump reads very much like Trump! But your news doesn't read like news, but like yet another Jimlemon "Here I am, the witty reporter!" piece. Spıke Radiomicrophone.gif18:06 31-Jul-20

Okay nevermind, it was quite fun trying to imitate his conversational language. David Brent with a personality bypass.
His presentation is fascinating. There's no interest 'lines to take', going into depth or formulating proper words and sentences; he's winging it and it's astonishing he keeps flowing; though with that repetition.
In comparison, Theresa May seemed more eloquent, but it was a facade. Awkward in interviews, she clung to lines like limpets to a rock, to the point exchanges were equally circular, shallow and without conviction (Trump at least attempts the presidential pause and head-tilt). What they seem to have in common is the ability to sound convincing, if you don't really listen, and appear convincing if you don't really look. The art of camouflage.  EStop Press here for Room Service 04:57, 1 August 2020 (UTC)

That was Bill Clinton's forte. Ah feel yo' pain! Now have you studied Joe Biden's alleged diction?! Spıke Radiomicrophone.gif09:19 1-Aug-20

Transformed and renamed. Kept all your quotes. Spıke Radiomicrophone.gif10:34 1-Aug-20

Reads so much better, thank you for sorting it out. Read an article about Biden's wobbly diction, but not really heard him speak that much. Plenty for commentators to unravel after debating with Trump. The only current affairs TV channel available in the last months stuck offshore, is CNN International and more recently recently BBC News 24. So it's been Cuomo's war face, Trump's misadventures and the latest trend in having bookshelves as a backdrop during lockdown filming... except Robyn Curnow (mantlepiece and flowers), perhaps her shelves are full of romantic novels.  EStop Press here for Room Service 10:50, 1 August 2020 (UTC)

"Not really hearing Biden speak that much" is his strategy. You might want to change the photo, as I've set your story in the Rose Garden (or you could change that to the briefing room) and I stole the caption for the headline. Spıke Radiomicrophone.gif10:55 1-Aug-20

PS--A guy tweeted me a juxtaposition of a bug-eyed Tucker Carlson (Fox) and an interviewee with Atlas Shrugged in his bookshelf, suggesting that Carlson was startled to see that. No window into the USA except CNN! Are there lifeboats? Spıke Radiomicrophone.gif11:01 1-Aug-20

That's superb, Ms Curnow should have Nightmare in Red beside her orchids. Lifeboats yes, but it's 48C on deck and they're glass-reinforced plastic, I'd last longer swimming. BBC News 24 as a window on the UK is no better for a balanced political commentary. However, there is alternative entertainment, the Chief Engineer on my last ship (also stuck) and I have a monthly book club via email, centring around Lovecraftian fantasies & tales of derring-do with vintage aircraft.  EStop Press here for Room Service 11:58, 1 August 2020 (UTC)

UnNews:UK coursework to be graded by Zoella[edit]

Entertaining as always! I contributed purely stylistic edits; mind the Categories. The only problem I had with the article is that the first word of the old headline, GCSE, would convince any Yank he didn't care; so I renamed it.

Jimlemon has another article in. I have had enough of claims that a new Postmaster General with both innovative and routine reorganization is an attempt to steal the November election, more so than Democrats' attempts to give unprecedented reliance on the Postal Service for the election in the first place. As usual, it reads more like an UnScript than an UnNews, and the headline is a dud. If you care to rework it, I might put it on the Front Page.

The Babylon Bee, in contrast to us, puts not just a hint of the comedy strategy but the whole punch line right in the headline. I see them on Twitter, always laugh, and never read the articles. Twitter, by the way, has "mistakenly" banned the Babylon Bee (then brought it back, with one tenth the followers), pursuant to its campaign to guard against dangerous misinformation (I say electioneer). The Bee is getting much more notoriety lately than the Onion. Spıke Radiomicrophone.gif00:40 18-Aug-20

Thanks for handling GCSE, I wasn't thinking. Will take a look at Jimlemon's piece, perhaps try to do what you did successfully with mine.
Hadn't heard of the Babylon Bee, just having a chuckle at the headlines. The Daily Mash over here has the same approach — pity their increasingly left-wing bias prevents them moving on from "Johnson is a buffoon" (that's what the Guardian is for after all). Love The Onion, maybe mentioned it before, one of my all-time favourites is: "The majority of God's Blessings burn up in the atmosphere", an inspired mash of what looks like the physics behind a meteor shower and well-known excerpts from the bible. They have a clever approach on Facebook using "local reader comment" as the hook, rather than the headline.  EStop Press here for Room Service 10:07, 18 August 2020 (UTC)

Yes! More texture, less conspiracy!

Babylon Bee this morning: "Wife Unaware That Movie Will Answer All Her Questions If She Just Pays Attention" Spıke Radiomicrophone.gif17:06 18-Aug-20

Yup — that's the last time we watched Apollo 13.
WW News: "For Some Reason, Hay Fever Sufferer Really Thought He’d Get This Year Off"  EStop Press here for Room Service 11:51, 19 August 2020 (UTC)


UnNews:Trump twitchy over Postmaster zeal[edit]

Jimlemon's UnNews might go off in a completely different direction. The idea of DeJoy's utter unscrupulousness seems like more fun to explore. Do I try to incorporate into his piece or do a separate one?  EStop Press here for Room Service 11:51, 19 August 2020 (UTC)

This is a wiki, you are free to do either. Unscrupulousness is a garnish, not the main course; one man's unscrupulousness is another man's "innovative manager" and your result may play to one side of the US's battling conspiracy theories. I see that Babylon Bee describes itself as Christian, and bloggers describe their "technical glitch" ban as one facet of Twitter's war on conservatives, so my opinion on their "notoriety" vs The Onion may just be a result of whom I follow. Spıke Radiomicrophone.gif15:16 19-Aug-20
I applied some post-edits:
  • Don't put moderating phrases ("a bit") in our headlines!
  • As the interview occurred in Bedminster NJ, that should be the dateline.
  • You used "Mr." (sometimes British "Mr"); this is not obligatory but I tried to do it the same way everywhere.
  • Avoid writing about states-of-mind (Trump's "inclination"), not knowable and not newsy.
Just one other thing, the photo is obviously in an executive jet not on a golf course; can you find a better one? Never mind, did something else with it. Spıke Radiomicrophone.gif16:48,23:11 19-Aug-20

Twitter[edit]

Since the new wave of Twitter-centric Marxism in the UK, right-wing/conservative humour is considered a criminal offence, Twitter being judge and executioner, the press being jury.

A while back, Jeremy Clarkson was visited by police, following a complaint that he said he kills foxes for fun on Have I got News For You (HIGNFY).

The policemen were confused about what crime, or whether a crime at all, had been committed. They could hardly ask him to confirm he said it without looking stupid, because as you know, HIGNFY is one of the most popular shows on BBC prime-time. They couldn't really ask if he actually did it either, because it is a comedy show and taking comedic quips as serious is another can of worms altogether. Nor could they work out whether running over a fox on the road is a crime anyway.

So by the process of elimination, his actual crime was right-wing humour (and being a bit right-wing) — killing foxes is what those dreadful and cruel posh people on horses do, and they must be called out about it. As a journalist/comedian that likes to take a wry poke at the establishment (however distasteful), that visit must have been the ultimate reward. Bit of a scary trend though.  EStop Press here for Room Service 02:24, 20 August 2020 (UTC)

There was a US Supreme Court opinion that said that some government action was not allowed, not for preventing free speech but for having "a chilling effect," which a visit from the police certainly does! And there was that NY Times editor who resigned with a very public statement claiming Twitter had become the Editor-in-Chief. Rush Limbaugh says he was the victim of a Twitter mob that sought to get radio affiliates to drop him, and he claims that it was a dozen people seeming to be thousands. Spıke Radiomicrophone.gif10:24 20-Aug-20

That's right, Bari Weiss — a friend emailed the story, quite a resignation letter. The story grew legs too, it was surprising how many journalists were quite snidey, saying her motives were a publicity stunt to maintain a media profile. Remember Gamergate controversy? Something that struck, was the "anonymous swarm" attacks. Depressingly, I couldn't help thinking this would move into the adult world, and oh boy has it ever. Or at least that's the impression, because I have absolutely no clue how significant Twitter really is, other than it seems to be taken seriously by certain mainstream media and sections of society.  EStop Press here for Room Service 12:53, 20 August 2020 (UTC)

Quite significant, given that it is the President's favorite direct channel to constituents and most-rabid supporters. I like it, as it has let me exchange thoughts with a couple national columnists. I have gotten 1 Like from Trump. Chief executive, most staff, and anonymous swarm are palpably left-wing, and their continual "technical glitches" always go in one direction. Many conservatives tout competitor Parler.com, though its boss, ironically, promises to be more active about censorship and they want more information on users. That information might keep people civil...or it could be a gold mine, and it could be abused.
Trump would wound but not kill Twitter if he took his toys and went elsewhere. Twitter was a monopoly because everyone wants to be on a single network. However, we no longer are.
Gamergate I remember, but only through trying to patrol editing about it here. No one could seem to make it funny. Once, I tried researching it, but it was drama, identical to Uncyclopedia drama, only I didn't know the cast of characters. Spıke Radiomicrophone.gif14:03 20-Aug-20

Stephen Fry was the first 'name' I remember being associated with the platform, he loved it, then became in and out over trolling; there seems to be a lot of that in Celebland. Some of the stuff on politicians' feeds is awful, the Mayor of London's springs to mind as one of the more visceral. Podcasts are my thing at the minute, although had to curb that as bit, as the half the point of massive dog-walks was chilling-out listening to birds, trees and babbling brooks, not Joshua Rozenberg on Amazon's tax evasion. Mr. Rozenberg is better reserved for mowing.  EStop Press here for Room Service 07:39, 22 August 2020 (UTC)

Hooray for podcasts, versus waiting for the broadcast hour and being unable to skip past the commercial breaks! And hooray for noise-cancelling earphones, especially when mowing. I used to get an hour in of Larry Kudlow's radio show in 40 minutes in the car on the way to a ballpark. He can't do shows now as he is employed as a Trump cheerleader, but the theme of the Uncyclopedia article, irrational optimism, is still on the mark.
Before there were Twitter trolls, there were paparazzi, and before them, there were unreasonable fans insisting on interrupting your restaurant visit to sign Junior's shirt and willing to bad-mouth you forever if you don't. I don't see the allure of fame, or of opening a retail business! I've read that Amazon's tax evasion consists of evading the taxes the various governments wish they had imposed after seeing how much money Amazon makes, and how.
Your photo of the "Cardbaord" fighter plane doesn't need to be renamed, as I added a description, nudge, nudge, so that we can find it later under "cardboard" (or Category:Aviation). Spıke Radiomicrophone.gif08:58 22-Aug-20

Got it. Reading back I was rather down there about Twitter. Quite unintentionally, it's about as much as I know about the platform, other than it's just turned me into a troll without even getting an account. Some people are very good on social media, natural at it — my Mrs is superb. I'm not which perhaps explains it, some of us are best kept busy in the yard! I guess retail will never be the same again, I've been stuck offshore since the beginning so imagine it will feel like a different world when I get off finally.  EStop Press here for Room Service 11:45, 22 August 2020 (UTC)

Biden has now made face masks a personal Virtue Signal and promised a nationwide mandate; moreover, tomorrow he is reportedly going to express on network TV a willingness to lock the US down a second time. "Dictatorial" Trump wisely made his own unwise decisions in the form of Centers for Disease Control "guidance" to states, in which power is decentralized, as his Executive Orders have been careful to cite emergency powers contained in actual laws. More disturbing is his declaration that the recent Supreme Court decision (Obama work permits for Mexicans were always illegal but Trump didn't cross all the T's in ending the program) gives him "new power" to act without Congress. On the other hand, Congress's current paralysis always lets a President fill a vacuum. New Hampshire nominates candidates on 8-Sep and I am interested to see whether masks become electioneering at the polls. Spıke Radiomicrophone.gif14:03 22-Aug-20

Know very little about Biden, he seems like the Toyota Camray of politics. From a little lazy browsing on wikipedia, I've learned is he's career politician (who has suffered awful personal tragedies actually). Not the brightest but apparently good with people — provided he remembers it's not appropriate to kiss them on the back of the neck. Seems to have been negotiating the meandering rivers of opinion competently if without fanfare, taking the odd low-profile u-turn to avoid falling down a weir. How am I doing? Guess it will be no surprise he will seek the comfort of a face mask, haven't the Democrats got a noisy, controversial bastard lying around anywhere?

I'm ridiculously behind on politics and current affairs. To give you a bit of my perspective: when I left for work, Jeremy Corbyn was Labour leader, Australia was on fire, Boris was bonking for Brexit or something and there was this flu going about. I get onboard and within a couple of weeks, CNN is acting as if New York was having an alien invasion, BBC News 24 was hosting this year's academia bookshelf competition and thousands of people were dying... are still dying. It's just astonishing. All of this I've watched on TV like a dystopian series box-set — that is until they turned the wick up on the internet the other day. The juxtaposition (word of the week, thank you) is that onboard it has been business as usual — apart from the fact we can't get off, but probably not a bad thing right?  EStop Press here for Room Service 11:06, 23 August 2020 (UTC)

Cherish business-as-usual! Around here, we can get off, but there is very little to do in the evening. The local Walmart has just gone back to staying open until 22:00, but their mask mandate means they are still in Zombie Apocalypse, as is the city where I am due to start sports announcing again in a month, we'll see. Ozzy Osbourne (M.D.), while trying not to be political, slams Trump for inaction as the "epidemic is worsening." Yes, Biden has a noisy, controversial bastard; that would be Kamala. Spıke Radiomicrophone.gif11:33 23-Aug-20

Did the easy button work?[edit]

Do I now have god-like powers? --BFDIBebble (talk) 03:56, 7 October 2020 (UTC)