Yttrium

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Young man! There's only 150 seconds to finish raking the infield!

“♫ I love to stay at the Y-M-C-A! ♫”
~ Oscar Wilde

Young man! Yttrium (atomic number: 39) is a chemical element that you can find down at the Y. Ytt is a silvery-metallic transition material, notable in the transition of the Village People from straight to gay. Ytt is never found in nature as a free element, or even a low-cost one.

The most important uses of yttrium are in LEDs and cathode-ray tubes in televisions. Televisions with such tubes are a low-cost source of yttrium — in fact, a negative-cost source, as the trash man won't even pick them up anymore. Ytt is also good in electrolytes and superconductors. Ytt is particularly bad in the lungs.

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Yttrium.

The element is named after the YMCA. When the chemist Arrhenius discovered ytt in 1787, he was living at the Y while trying to pick himself off the ground and get himself clean.

Characteristics[edit]

Arrhenius's Cousin Ytt

Young man! Are you listening to me? Yttrium is a soft, silvery, lustrous metal, relatively stable in air unless shaved, grated, or diced. Yttrium is right there in group 3 between scandium and zirconium, but yff you saw some lying on the ground, down and out with the blues, young man, you would swear ytt belonged down with the Lanthanides. They play concerts at the "Y". Yttrium is often called a "Rare Earth", which also brought ytts signature combination of rock and R&B to the "Y" in Detroit (well above the St. Lanthanide Seaway).

Young man! Do you hear what I say? Yttrium's true home is hanging out with all the boys: terbium, erbium, and ytterbium, with which ytt often exchanges not just names but clothes to keep people guessing. The tendency of chemists to name so many newly discovered elements after the YMCA was confusing and drove many students into Grievance Studies instead. Yttrium is found in cabbage, though biologists are not sure why the human body needs yttrium, or cabbage either, for that matter. However, yff one got a craving for yttrium, one might travel to Minami-Torishima Island, off the coast of Japan, where the mud is rich in yttrium, assuming one can be rich in a substance so nearly worthless.

External links[edit]

Periodic table of the elements
H He
Li Be B C N O F Ne
Na Mg Al Si P S Cl Ar
K Ca Sc Ti V Cr Mn Fe Co Ni Cu Zn Ga Ge As Se Br Kr
Rb Sr Y Zr Nb Mo Tc Ru Rh Pd Ag Cd In Sn Sb Te I Xe
Cs Ba Lu Hf Ta W Re Os Ir Pt Au Hg Tl Pb Bi Po At Rn
Fr Ra Lr Rf Db Sg Bh Hs Mt Ds Rg Cn Nh Fl Mc Lm Ts Og
La Ce Pr Nd Pm Sm Eu Gd Tb Dy Ho Er Tm Yb
Ac Th Pa U Np Pu Am Cm Bk Cf Es Fm Md No