Yuki Nagato

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

“This room reeks of the Galatikoi... Wonder Yuki was behind this...”

~ Necromancer

“I ordered the attack on Hellespont and sent Xerxes in panic, but I had my counterpart? weeeeee!”

~ Themistokles on Yuki Nagato

“She can't ride horses? Sucks to be a horseless Somatophylax!”

~ Megas Alexandros on Yuki Nagato

“I wouldn't want one of those in my army, but love to have one for a satrap!”

~ Genghis Khan

Yuki Nagato
Yuki_Nagato_by_EvilSaku.png
Strategos Klerouchos Basileias Ptolemaion
Assumed position
June 28, 2012
Preceded by None
Place of Residency formerly Fayuum Depression, oikos located at Alexandreia/Mikatopolis, now resides in Memphis
Born (Really Created) March 6, 1992 at Athenai
Birth name Chryseis, Surname is not confirmed.
Nationality Hellen/Galatikos
Political party Damn all who hate the Ptolemaioi (i.e. Pretty much every EB player who did not play as the Ptolemaioi) Party, Later on Panhellenic Socialist Movement (Πανελληνιο Σοσιαλιστικο Κινημα/Πανελληνικη Σοσιαλιστικη Κινημα)
Affiliation Ptolemaioi
Spouse None
Children None
Profession General and Scholar, one of the honorary members of the Didaskoloi Basilikon Bibliothekes Alexandreias
Religion Christianity, although highly knowledgable in Islamic law and Jewish laws
Rating A-


Yuki Galatikos Ostrakatos Philoptolemaios Misaitolos Philopator Philadelphos Nagato (March 6, 1992 - ) is a half-Greek half-Galatian Strategos, now a Klerouchos Strategos working for the Basileia Ptolemaike. Yuki Nagato was one of the prominent politician and military general at the time of Miku, where Yuki led a pro-Makedonian force while Miku's Master was still not "assassinated." In fact, Yuki supported the Makedonians in the battle of Chaironeia by sending and leading 5,000 hoplitai and 500 hippeis at the left flank of the Makedonian army, armed in the Iphikratean style even though Iphikrates wouldn't appear for few decades. Yuki was a staunch supporter of Miku's policies, especially the mandation of celibacy, which led to Yuki filing a case against Kagami for committing sodomy with Konata, decision that will lead to Yuki's persecution after Kagami establishes the Aitolian league.

Early Life[edit]

“I am not of the noble Grecian race, I'm poor data and not born of men; Let the Greek women and data score me, if they please, I was the mother of Yuki Nagato”

~ Motherboard

Yuki, as a half-blooded Hellen, was not viewed favorably by other full-blooded Hellenes, much like Themistokles. Yuki however persuaded many youths of the nobility to come exersize and learn together in a successful bid to blur the distinction between hybrids and nobles. Yuki at that time did not have glasses, one of the reason why noble male youths were more than glad to do so. Yuki was a bibliophile even when young (thus her choice to move to Aigyptos, where the Bibliotheke Alexandreias is located), and loved to read books about military tactics, biochemical weapons, and unconventional warfare, which made the older nobles think that Yuki was a potential future tyrannos, and ostracized Yuki when Yuki was in Athenai, giving Yuki one of the middle name Ostrakatos.

Yuki was known to have always wanted to visit Pella after having met Megas Alexandros, and despite being a bibliophile had a tendency to burn all books written by Ayn Rand, Milton Friedman, Friedrich August von Hayek, Richard Dawkins, Sam Harris, and Christian Hitchens (of course, Ayn Rand's work could potentially cause a BSOD, directing Yuki to quit the job and overlords don't want that). Yuki was noted to read the Communist Manifesto (recommended by Miku) 9001 times, although that number is debated.

Military Career with Megas Alexandros[edit]

Yuki first served in the city of Thebai, where Yuki would be forced to fight the Makedonians. Yuki at that time met Miku, who was sent as a hostage to Thebai to maintain temporary peace, and had discussions with one another. Miku won Yuki over, as Miku also had experiences with the modern idea of ostracism. Yuki leaves Thebai for Thessalonike, where Yuki would bring in the military knowledge to Thessalonike and allowing for the recruitment of less conventional hoplites carrying longer spears and wearing stout boots instead of greaves and sandals according to the Iphikratean model. Yuki had Hippophobia, and as such never rode horses, much to the chagrin of the Thessaloi, who were largely horsed much like but to a lesser extent than the Steppe Nomads. Athenaioi, in the Battle of Chaironeia, is shocked to see a former citizen fighting against them, especially since Yuki led a lochos symmachon hopliton of 5000 hoplitai and a band of 500 hippeis Thessalikoi. Although there are no historians confirming the theory that Yuki was Miku's first Somatophylax not inherited from her master, Druid and the Necromancer found some fragmented evidence that Yuki might have been a somatophylax (although this is debated, since Yuki cannot ride horses). Whatever the truth might have been, it is certain that Yuki was accompanying Miku in campaigns against the Persai and the defense of Makedonia in the Britannian invasion. Yuki often was left in charge of Hellas before XP-Tan became somatophylax, a fact attested by Necromancer's work. Yuki helped to establish Miku's Alexandrian army, complete with the combined arms approach, supplying medium and heavy infantry along with some lighter cavalry for the left flank. Miku had always wished that Yuki could rise horses, as Miku wanted Yuki to be a part in leading the Hetairoi, a very prestigious position. Instead, Yuki fought in a Hellenic style, armed as a hoplite serving in the foot Somatophylakes Strategou much like XP-Tan later on. In fact, on R:TW Miku, Sending Yuki along with Miku in a tough time often gives Miku an ancillary Heroic Savior. It is surprising that Yuki never assumes the title "Soter", as Yuki's strategy often revolved around minimizing allied losses.

Political Maelstrom and the Ptolemaioi[edit]

Krateros: You FILE A CASE FOR SODOMY BECAUSE OF THIS?!?! TIME TO PERSECUTE!!!!! Yuki: FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUU

. Yuki's maelstrom began with a video allegedly of Aratos and Krateros committing sodomy. This at first did not incite Yuki to file a case against Kagami, a Somatophylax, but as the rumors grew into legions of screenshots, some real and fake, Yuki decides to file a case against Krateros. Krateros, rather than face the humiliating possibility of being dishonorably discharged, chose resignation and placed an unduly dislike for Yuki. Later on, after Miku retires in Persepolis, Kagami creates the Aitolian league, and first thing Kagami does is to order an arrest of Yuki. Fortunately, Yuki slipped away by hijacking a Penteres and sailing away to Aigyptos, where Ptolemaios I Soter welcomed Yuki and gave her land and peasants in the Fayuum Depression. This was a precedent for the Galatikoi Klerouchoi, whose tales were largely arcane to the mainstream population.

Yuki is known to be present in the Battle of Samaria, where Yuki led the Ptolemaioi against the Seleukidai under Seleukos I Nikator's Misthophoros Strategos, Amu Hinamori. Before Ptolemaios II Philadelphos succeeded Haku as the Basileus kai Pharaoh of the Ptolemaioi, Yuki was involved in affairs of Hellas, supporting Kassandros, the chief ally in mainland Hellas of the Ptolemaioi, against the 3 other major factions, Shirley Fenette (and Teto Kasane)'s Makedonia (troops led by Parmenion, who governed at Megalopolis, which is very ironic as it is in the middle of XP-Tan's Koinon Chremonidides, much like West Berlin), Kagami's Aitoloi, and Konata's Achaioi. It is said that Yuki at that time was dipped in the Stygian waters save for the heel (some say Yuki found and anointed herself with ambrosia), and then went to recruit the Myrmidons even though they were dead at least 27 centuries ago. Yuki was withdrawn by the order of the fourth Basileus Ptolemaion, Ptolemaios IV Philopator to lead the Ptolemaioi in the battle of Raphia against Antiochos III Megas (who was arguably the second best king of the Seleukidai who lost to a powerless ruler whose strength was sapped by Sailor Mars' invasion). Yuki continued the service to the Ptolemaioi, and even fought against the second wave of Romaioi after Miku crushed them. Yuki, by the order of Sailor Mars, also fought against Peukestas' Karchedonian force after Peukestas successfully completed the revolution against the opium-infested senate. Yuki was removed from military service by Otto von Bismarck posing as Ptolemaios VI Philometor, which actually worked, although the retirement was canceled to Yuki's joy when Miyuki returned from the vacation in the former place of Tyre, which was ironically owned by Sailor Mars when she took it away from the previous Pharoah, Sojiro Ptolemaios III Euergetes Izumi.

this guy actually succeeded in posing as Miyuki Takara Ptolemaios VI Philometor
From left to Right all in disguise: Demetrios Pharou, Aratos Sikuonos, Krateros, and Ptolemaios VI Philometor who time travels

Battle against the Eleutheros Roy Mustang, the Basileus of Sparte[edit]

“Lakedaimonioi do not ask about the how many the enemies are but where they are... Next time, they should ask how they are armed... DOWN WITH THE SARISSA!!!!! >:(”

~ Agis II

“Well, I freed the Heilotai... Now I get to keep my own harem... complete with TINY MINISKIRTS! ... Maybe with dogs too!”

~ Roy Mustang after freeing the helots

“I hate dogs. (and tiny miniskirts too)”

~ John "Soap" MacTavish on Roy Mustang's idea of an harem with miniskirts and dogs

“Damn... those heilotai are rich! I WANT LAKONIA FOR MYSELF... so I can pay for all the drinks.”

~ Haku Ptolemaios I Soter Yowane

Roy Mustang, after having seized the throne in Sparte and removing the ephorai (who killed Agis who once was a popular basileus of Sparte), decided to freelance and withdraw Sparte from the Chremonidean League. At the time, Ptolemaios I Soter was still Basileus of Ptolemaioi, and XP-Tan requested assistance in crushing the uncooperative usurper. In fact, XP-Tan even signed a truce with Shirley Fenette (later a temporary alliance) after Roy Mustang repelled several attempts at invasion, and was poised to conquer the entire Peloponnesia. At Korinthos, Mikuru and the Makedonians were barely holding off the Lakedaimonioi, and Teto sent in the Leukaspidai to alleviate Korinthos, while XP-Tan continued to hold off the Lakedaimonioi in a battle of attrition, with Tsukasa leading some of the cavalry. A major shift occurred after Konata decided to intervene against Roy after Konata has taken the upper Pelopponesia excluding Korinthos and the nearby regions (which would be captured by Roy afterwards). With the quadruple alliance, Yuki did not take major actions initially, simply opting for blockading the Lakedaimonian ports which cut trade from the Lusots led by Ed Elric who was struggling againts Nanami Madobe. Roy Mustang eventually captured and sacked Megalopolis after freeing the helots and couping 500 talants of silver (in modern terms, about 372.96 million USD) to reequip the Lakedaimonioi (and use some for his own enjoyment, such as maintaining a harem), which led to the eventual collision at the Battle of Sellasia. At the battle Mikuru's phalangitai easily undid the Lakedaimonioi, while Demetrios Pharou hammered at the right flank of the Spartiatai, while Yuki had a force of 4000 hoplitai (unknown to many historians) and collided against the Lakedaimonioi at the back. Roy Mustang gave a final stand (emitting a total of 16420 joules) buying time for the other Lakedaimonioi to rout, only to be blocked by Yuki's forces. After the defeat of the Lakedaimonioi and reduction of Spartan power, Sparte was forced back into XP-Tan's league, and the alliance shatters after Shirley Fenette demands Korinthos from Konata after Konata captured it from the Lakedaimonioi.

Siege of Rhodos[edit]

“Ploutarchos! What does the scouter say about Shirley's ship level?”

~ Some Historian

“It's 1008! Oh nvm it's over 9000!”

~ Some unknown Greek Historian

Shirley Fenette, also known as the Poliorketes (meaning besieger), decided to strike against the Rhodioi, who declared neutrality although they were close with Yuki's Basileus Haku Yowane, as Rhodos, as a mercantile city, brought tributes of alcohol to Haku's gateways. Most other Hellenic factions sympathized with the Rhodioi, but none so much as the Ptolemaioi, as Haku benefited personally from close relationships with the Rhodioi. Shirley is known to have assembled at least 350 ships, along with thousands of private vessels (some historians say over 9000 private vessels powered by the kaioken) joining Shirley in hopes of massive plunder. Shirley never was interested in being pirate king/queen, but politically speaking, Rhodos was a potential naval base and if it fell to the Ptolemaioi, would have caused shipping problems for her, not to mention Nami's persuasive documents emphasizing plunder. It is known that the Straw Hat Pirates (save for Robin, who was assassinated by Momo Momone) took role in the Siege of Rhodos, although their fates are never explained. Shirley attempted to take the harbor as supply blockade runners successfully escaped the massive blockade which would have been longer than the length of the Marathon itself. Shirley is also known to deploy the Helepolis (not to be confused with the Heliopolis), which sported a 3-talent stone projector (tritalantiaios lithobolos) which was useless in the end because unpopularity of the siege with the people, as well as Yuki's navy and the agreement of the Rhodioi to stay neutral when the war between Shirley and Haku occurred. Yuki ended up cleaning up the mess and delivered Haku the title "Soter". Yuki and the Ptolemaioi piled up metals and siege equipments, which the Rhodioi melted or sold and built the Kolossos Rhodios dedicated to Helios, which would have renamed Rhodos Heliopolis.

Invasion of Delta Neilou[edit]

The military career was immediately jeopardized after Sailor Mars took over Makedonia, because Sailor Mars immediately started by blitzkrieging the daylights out of XP-Tan, Kagami, and Konata and once again unifying Hellas. The Basileus at the time was Sojiro Ptolemaios III Euergetes Izumi, which was a terrible thing for Yuki as the king was interested more in looking at high school girls' skirts than military affairs and thus Yuki never got enough funding to raise a proper army against Sailor Mars' army, which was a modified Alexandrian army. Yuki, now outnumbered 10 to 1, could now only hope to delay Sailor Mars' juggernaught. Yuki was pretty successful considering the terrible condition that her army was in compared to Sailor Mars' army, buying 10 month's worth of time. After Petra fell to Sailor Mars, Sojiro Izumi funally snapped out of the obsession with High Schoolers' pants and gave full authorization to Yuki, but it was too late: much of the farmland was BURNINATED by Sailor Mars' juggernaught, and with heavily reduced income, Yuki held out in Alexadria/Mikatopolis for 2 and a half year until it fell to Sailor Mars. Yuki remained a captive to Sailor Mars, who wanted her as a general due to the fact that Yuki was experienced and quite skilled in commanding forces. Yuki reluctantly agreed, fighting against the Karchedoi of Nanami Madobe, until she escaped to her old masters, even though her masters sucked massively as they lost their money-making region. Yuki ended up being a symbol of loyalty taken into level of stupidity, as Sailor Mars' army was now at least 500 times better than all the forces that the Ptolemaioi now could muster.

Downfall of the Ptolemaioi and Hellenistic World War IV[edit]

The Ptolemaioi never recovered from the loss of Delta Neilou, although some Basileis did successfully conquer new territories: Kiku Ptolemaios IV Philopator Juon for example took the Seleukid part of Syria away from Hitomi Antiochos III Megas, while Kaoru Ptolemaios V Epiphanes Kamiya successfully secured Kypros and castrated some Shin Nohara Tindanotae there.

Sailor Mars eventually conquered most of the Ptolemaic holdings, and reduced the Ptolemaioi, now under E. Ptolemaios VIII Euergetes Honda, to a position of a protectorate under the nigh-invincible juggernaught. Yuki Nagato, being indebted to the Ptolemaioi, risks her life (and her honor as well) by forming the Ptolemaioi Liberation Army (PLA, not to be confused with the Palestinian Liberation Army, the radical faction of the PLO, or the People's Liberation Army, or the Pirate Liberation Army) to wage a war of resistance against Sailor Mars. This naturally created an affinity between Yuki and Megurine Luka, now Sailor Mars' biggest enemy. Megurine Luka, leading the Epeirotai against Sailor Mars' Makedonian troops in the Balkans, viewed Aigyptos as an piece of territory that should not be held by Sailor Mars, and thus sent supplies to aid the PLA. The PLA army was a mixed bag of surprisingly unified group, which was deemed to be one of the Wonders of the World because PLA is one of the few organizations in which sex addicts ostracized by Sailor Mars would agree with celibacy zealots like Yuki herself. Ironically, the PLA liberated Ioudaia and its main city Hierosolyma from the clutches of Sailor Mars and united with the other PLA. In fact, this allowed Yuki to gain favor with the Al-Qaeda and break the long tradition of Al-Qaeda/Makedonian alliance forged by Megas Alexandros her himself. Meanwhile, Megurine Luka was waging a World War against Sailor Mars, and as such Yuki Nagato decided to side with her enemy's enemy and join forces with the Epeirotai. The Basileia Bosphoron fell to Sailor Mars while Yuki and the PLA was laying siege to Alexandreia, which added pressure to Luka's front in the Balkans. Yuki requested that Luka attempt to cut Sailor Mars' empire in half by attacking Asia Minor starting with Lesbos, then proceeding to the Ionian League to free and recruit Colette Brunel, who was unfortunately possessed by Mithos, one of Sailor Mars' majordomo and one of her high commanders besides veterans like Parmenion. Luka succeeded in causing havoc in Ionia as Sailor Mars burned much of Ionia in the attempts to do a serch-and-destroy misions to repel the Leistoi under Lily. However, Luka's success also led Luka to attempt to eliminate the Ptolemaioi and take Aigyptoi for herself, which was easy as Luka cut through Sailor Mars' territory. This led to a shift in the war, in which Yuki Nagato fought an open war against Luka's Epeirote army invading Aigyptos. Sailor Mars capitualized on the chance and offered independence and a treaty not to invade Aigyptos should Yuki side against Luka, and Yuki did so.

Sailor Mars' offensive: the Siege of Memphis[edit]

The Ptolemaioi Liberation Army became a spine in Sailor Mars' policy so much especially after their defense of several dams alongside cataracts that denied flow of water and sediments to Sailor Mars' side of Aigyptos, that is, the Delta Neilou. Sailor Mars did not look favorably to such a challenge, and decided that the risks of a failed offensive outweigh the potential benefit of using the Fayuum Depression and dispatched a General-Governor to admininster Aigyptos and to manage the invasion of Heptanomis, where the PLA is deeply entrenched in. Having learned history from the books, Yuki waged a guerilla war that largely wore out the Makedonian troops, although a sizeable force eventually captured enough land to start the siege of Memphis. Of course, this is not in an average history book for several reasons: The Siege of Memphis, despite its length of several months, did not have enough maneuvering from either side (Yuki was not in Memphis at that time) or the siege engines that broke the stalemate. Additionally, Sailor Mars was deemed the Mengsk, leading people like Gabriel Tosh to join the ranks of the PLA that frustrated the Makedonian task force to no bounds. Also, the mercenaries largely sided with the PLA since the treasury in Memphis would have meant quicker payment. Even with the Leukaspidai and the Agrianikoi, the Makedonian task force failed to take Memphis as it was withdrawn to defend against a counteroffensive.

Yuki's counteroffensive: the Siege of Ptolemais-Theron[edit]

There are adages that state "Best defense is an offense," and Yuki took that lessen to the core. Henceforth, rather than commanding behind walls, Yuki decided to harass enemy supply lines, and when that didn't provide the jolt that Yuki wanted, Yuki decided to make a bold move by besieging Ptolemais-Theron. Ptolemais-Theron was not a population center and henceforth of minor importance in the military perspective, but it was important as it was one of the fastest developing trade-forts, recently gaining more traffic due to the Parthian invasion of Seleukeia that drove the Rikaloid Kingdom of Baktria to seek trade with the Ptolemaioi in the Indian Ocean rim. As such, Yuki led the assault on Ptolemais-Theron, briefly taking the town for 2 weeks until the remainder of the task force withdrawn from Memphis along with troops shipped from Sinai expelled the PLA troops. This doesn't seem like a permanent change, doesn't it? But it did cause a permanent change: Sailor Mars looked more actively to Aigyptos, fortifying the town, sending penal immigrants to populate the area, and building a large dock that would be eventually utilized by Makedonian troops to conduct Spec Ops around the Afro-Asian worlds, most notably Kyou 's assault on Taiwan.

Side-shifting: Pyrrhos Aiakides's invasion of Delta Neilou[edit]

Modern impact of Yuki Nagato[edit]

Yuki Nagato in the Bibliotheke Alexandreias

If you ever get to visit the Fayuum Depression, you will see fair skinned people, because Yuki initiated the military body called the Galatikoi Klerouchoi, who are Galatians (related to the Gauls) who are fair skinned. The intermarriage between many Galatikoi and the Makedones (Yuki and Haku denounced this). Yuki also preserved some data about the Bibliotheke Alexandreias, which was burned by the EVIL ROMAIOI after Julius Caesar III came into power and attacked the Ptolemaioi. Fayuum Depression even now has NO signs of prostitution, less a harem because of Yuki, who FORBADE all Galatikoi from importing hoes there. Haku approved of this, and the royal endorsement of the action continued until it was temporarily stopped by Sojiro Ptolemaios III Euergetes Izumi, who complained that hoes will pay taxes and preventing them from going to the relatively rich sector that is the Fayuum Depression would cut his income, although 96% of his income was derived from the Nile River (whether it be licenses on hunting, taxes-in-kind from the peasants, or water exports to the Arabs) rather than his endorsement of prostitution or his works as an author.

Yuki largely checked the predominance of the phalangitai for the Ptolemaioi, although by no means did Yuki completely eliminate the phalangitai. In fact, as soon as Yuki retired, the Ptolemaioi became overdependent on the phalangitai, allowing themselves to be handed over to the filthy Romaioi when Kleopatra was Basileus. Yuki was also responsible for encouraging the development of the Basilikon Agema that were NOT armed in the Pezhetairoi fashion, unlike the Klerouchikon Agema. In fact, if it weren't for Yuki, the Ptolemaioi probably would have been knocked out by the Karchedoi or the Romaioi very early, perhaps before Ptolemaios IV Philopator even took the throne. Perhaps the most visible contribution of Yuki is the Pharos, which was named after Pharos in the Balkan Peninsula where Demetrios Pharou hailed from.

Books[edit]

Yuki probably would have served Eumenes I, if Ptolemaios I Soter didn't build the huge library that is the Bibliotheke Alexandreias, since the second largest library at the time was that of Pergamon (and later on, Pergamon invents the parchment). So, what did Yuki read? Well, the Iaponikoi wants you to believe that Yuki read mangas, particularly yaoi and yuri, but that is a flat-out-lie. Yuki was more interested in reading about proskynesis, since Yuki wanted to perform the proskynesis to Ptolemaios I Soter, and perhaps the only one to have wanted to do it willingly. When the Bibliotheke was built, Yuki was pretty much interested in all books there, since Yaoi and Yuri never made it there since Haku was not obsessed with those. Yuki, however, was noted to have been tired of seeing an entire section of the Bibliotheke being dedicated to beer brewing, and was reported to have moved the books to a storage warehouse, which was burned when the Romaioi hit Alexandreia again.

Preceded by:
Sailor Mars
Person of the Year
2021
Succeeded by:
Luka Megurine