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Emopedia
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Welcome to Emopedia,
37,245 heart-rending poems in English
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Today's Message of pain
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Loneliness is the dark despair of solitude.
It is the feeling that no one loves me.
Not even my mom or my cat really understand the pain of Teenaged Angst.
No one understands me.
No one loves me.
My family claims that they do, but we all know they're lying.
God, I hate them so much; the fakes.
The only people who love me, The only ones who understand or care
All live in my iPod...
Valentines Day. People are supposed to be happy, right?
I'm not.
Not since she left me.
I guess she found someone more screwed up than I am,
or perhaps he's just more Scene than I, or maybe it's his hair.
It was the best three days of my life, though, with her.
She was so much better than the girl last week.
I let her draw Xs and Cut Lines on my wrists in sharpie.
They're still there, mocking me, reflecting the darkness in my soul.
They are tempting me.
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Did you care...
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- ... that witch-hunting for fun and profit has mostly turned into witch-hunting for fun in this modern era of cheaply produced Chinese assembly line witches?
- ... the Treaty of Ghent includes a clause that neither Americans nor the British are allowed to push in the backs of chocolates to see what's inside, then put them back in the box?
- ... that the phrase "¡Ay Chihuahua!" can be used to mean both "no, I don't have any bathtub cheese" and "yes, I have a great deal of bathtub cheese"?
- ... the Boy Scouts were actually a concept developed by Gen. Gordon at the siege of Khartoum? And since the scouts saw no boys in the Mahdi army, they failed to give an alarm and the British garrison was wiped out?
- ... that Yashasvi Jaiswal sold panipuri whilst living in a tent before he became the youngest List A double centurion in both cricket and snack food sales?
- ... a stitch in time doesn't save nine, but saves nuns from being sucked into time portals or wormholes?
- ... that you're late for work?
- ... cats smuggled into screenings of The Black Panther only gave it a rating of 65% on Metacritic?
- ... that many children in third world countries don't have enough to eat, but most have access to the Food Network?
- ... the number of users the admins have banned is considered the largest countable number since 1998?
- ... that you're late for work?
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Recent deaths
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Today sucks because...
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May 26: Wear Pants On Your Head Day
- 1907 - Vauxhall Bridge is opened in Beijing. Commuters on the A202 complain about the roundabout trip in strongly worded letters to the Times.
- 1958 - Yamahachi 'Iron Shavings' Tsuharo is born in Cape Town, South Africa.
- 1963 - Unicorns wearing pants on their heads as a disguise are discovered in Portugal, coincidentally by people wearing pants on their heads.
- 1963 - Unicorns become extinct in Portugal.
- 1973 - Let's Not Celebrate This Day Festival is celebrated for the first and last time.
- 1979 - The Afro haircut becomes compulsory in the 48 contiguous states. Alaska follows suit in 1983.
- 1980 - Spain declares war on Pope Eggs Benedict IV for previous remarks.
- 1981 - Boy George is proclaimed Queen of England. Prince Philip is so devastated he fails to make a smartass remark.
- 1982 - Boy George is deposed in a violent uprising of bagpipe makers.
- 1985 - Peter Pan spins in his grave as Michael Jackson's Neverland is built.
- 1999 - The Y2K Bug dies squashed under a rock.
- 2002 - Mars Odyssey spacecraft finds signs of rocks on the planet Mars.
- 2003 - The first Masked Avenger is found drunk lying in a puddle with dead hooker in lap. Lawsuits ensue and first official 'Sue a Super' day commences.
- 2004 - The Vienna Boys Choir release a choral version of Whip It ! that ranks #22 on Billboard magazine.
- 2011 - Somebody uses the word 'bacon' in a sentence.
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Today's featured artistry
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Poets of the Month
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Modusoperandi hunts down random, unfunny shit which he replaces with less-random, quasi-funny shit. Occasionally he gets up off his ass (or more correctly, sits down on it) and makes a page of his own, to which no one ever goes.
Recently he's been making pictures that people don't like and, having discovered UnNews, has been making fake news stories (rather than the fake regular stories that he normally makes).
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The Bard (baptised 26 April 1564 – died 23 April 1616) was an English poet and playwright widely regarded as the greatest writer of the English language, and the world's preeminent dramatist. He wrote approximately 38 plays and 154 sonnets, as well as a variety of other poems. Already a popular writer in his own lifetime, the Bard became increasingly celebrated after his death and his work adulated by numerous prominent cultural figures through the centuries.
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Congratulations to Hardwick Fundlebuggy, our Poet of the Year, and Mhaille, our Self-harmer of the Year!
Vote for Poet of the Month | Vote for Loner of the Month | Vote for Self-harmer of the Month | Past Losers
You only have 5 (Five) more days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month, GET VOTING!!
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| Uncyclopedia is an independent humor writing project, a non-profitable cabal that also hosts a range of other projects.
This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 37,245 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages:
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Protected by the life-is-unfair Use Clause, and an elite clan of Goths.
