Zoramthanga
“Now, I shall make corruption, wristwatches, and myself disappear. Please close your eyes.”
Zoramthanga is a recurring political leader in the Indian state of Mizoram. His re-election from time to time shows the poor quality of memories in the region, and also of all the alternatives.
Early life[edit]
Zoramthanga, or Yo-Zo as known to his homeboys, was born in 20 B.F (Before Famine) to a family of magicians and illusionists. As a young gorilla he spent hours practising the family craft in the thick jungles that concealed his beloved hamlet from dirty old bhaiyyas of the great smelly plains of Ass (formerly United States of Miya). The continued love for the wilderness goaded him to take up gorilla warfare (and later guerilla radio) and in 1 F.D (Famine Domini) left his hovel to lead a band of sophisticated, Kalashnikov-wielding cowboys into the enchanted forests of pre-prohibition in the quest for an independent Republic of Teetotalism. He was a great student of Rage Against the Machine who influenced and encouraged him to take the path of being dope on the mic.
The Mizo Cowboy Front[edit]
Zoramthanga formed the Mizo Cowboy Front with his homeboy OG (Original Gangster) Laldenga the First in 2 F.D. (Famine Domini) and served as 'Supreme Lord Commander-in-chief'. The organisation engaged in several community based activities like making cowboy hats and capping road construction labourers. His dedication to environmental concerns made him despise any development of infrastructure and specially, the laying of roads.
Trips to China and East Pakistan[edit]
His grip on the microphone and mad magic skills earned him an all expenses paid trip to China to procure cowboy hats and automatic sling shots from the communist homies up north. Legend has it that he performed for Mao Zedong, who was so impressed with the act that he granted a 50 per cent rebate on the whole transaction. Zoramthanga returned home, donning a new cowboy hat and coupons for McDonald's, in the summer of 1969.
In 4 F.D., he and his team called the Yo-Zo's (that later developed into a battle cry) swooped down on the flatlands of East Pakistan, a territory controlled by the East Side Bangers (formerly East Pakistan United F.C.) to engage their rivals in a battle of yo-mamma. Zoramthanga single-handedly annihilated the Eastsiders in a gruelling 40 day battle that won him critical acclaim and more cowboy hats.
Conflict with the West Side Soulja Boys[edit]
Zoramthanga's exploits in the very backyard of a rival's hood came to the attention of the Westside Indian Soulja Boys who, sensing a threat to their street cred, decided to hunt him down and cap his a** on his own turf.The westsiders arrived in the hills of Mizoram by the truckloads upon truckloads. However, the Cowboys under Zoramthanga, who had already got wind of the plan, laid an ambush. On an exceptionally warm summer night of 6 F.D. as the horde of gangbangers landed on the border the Cowboy unit surprised their foe with bhai repellants in an assault typical of the gorilla style of warfare - concealing themselves between thick growth of the bamboo plant, and munching on a shoot or two. Hundreds of the Westsiders were sodomized. Zoramthanga is said to have raped atleast 400 of them that very night.
The war raged on till 20 F.D when a truce was agreed upon by Zoramthanga's homeboy OG Laldenga, and the reluctant Maharaja of West Side, Rajiv bhai Mainlander. The truce ultimately led to the formation of an ill-demarcated 'hood of the United State of Total Prohibition (renamed Mizoram in 2015).
Tenure as Head Honcho and ZOXIT[edit]
Tired and disillusioned by the underground scene, Zoramthanga, in 25 F.D., decided to go mainstream; his dopeness on the mic and proficiency in the art of magic getting him elected as Head Honcho of the hood. However the public soon grew tired of his illusions and more and more people began to switch to the local sports channel. Zoramthanga lost in an SMS vote conducted by Zonet cable TV Network to his arch nemesis King Hawla (AKA MC Alcohawla) of South Central District. Currently unemployed, Zoramthanga can often be seen organising street rap-offs and spewing illusions through his microphone. For a large portion of the hood, Yo Momma is a thing of the past. He is currently hosting a magic show called 'The No Church service Night Magic Show' on FM Guerilla Radio.
Trips to China and East Pakistan[edit]
His grip on the microphone and ability to weave oral illusions earned him an all-expenses-paid trip to China to procure cowboy hats and automatic assault slingshots from the Communists up north. Mao Zedong was so impressed with the act that he offered a 50 percent rebate on the whole transaction. A high-morale Zoramthanga returned to the jungle hills, thumping his chest and donning a new cowboy hat, in the summer of 1969.
See also[edit]
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