Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/June 4

June 4: International Deserved Child Abuse Victim Day and International Celebrate Yesterday Day

• 1452 – Christopher Columbus is outvoted on naming the Santa Maria, The Shitbag.
• 1453 – Columbus sells children into sex slavery, starting an American tradition. It will ensure an unending supply of future mass murderers so that newsfeeds will have something to write about.
• 1776 – Thomas Jefferson asks for his first two-week extension on the Declaration of Independence.
• 1863 – Rain causes International Celebrate Yesterday Day to be put off until the next day; mass confusion results.
• 1900 – John Jefferson of Oak Ridge, PA awakes from forty-year sleep. He dies of asphyxiation inside his coffin.
• 1942 – The Battle of Midway begins with a surprise attack on Konami. (pictured)
• 1946 – The father of Donald Trump screams at his son on a regular basis, creating the president we know and love today.
• 1976 – Americans celebrate the bicentennial of Thomas Jefferson asking for his first two-week extension on the Declaration of Independence.
• 1980 – Every child abuse offender is released in Texas due to prison overcrowding and a decline in child abuse.
• 1989 – Many young people are gleefully beaten, killed, and abused in the Tiananmen Square massacre.
• 2006 – June 3rd, 2006 is celebrated despite it being International Celebrate Tomorrow Day.
• 2013 – Republicans and nostalgists yearn for the good old days of killer influenza and other fatal diseases, as well as incessant war; they prove not to be satisfied with just the latter today.