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Today's Featured Article - Roller derby

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Roller derby is a contact sport played by two teams of five members, roller skating around a track. Roller derby is played by 1,250 amateur leagues, mostly in the United States, making it the most prominent pastime-claiming-to-be-a-sport except for four square and hedge-trimming.

Game play consists of a series of "jams" featuring a jammer, who wears a star on her helmet. A prior rule specifying that the jammer would wear a jar of jam on her helmet was reformed in 2011 to minimize broken glass on the rink, as well as hunger pangs during matches. Each jammer scores points by passing members of the opposing team, while the many other flabby women on the rink try to help their own jammer and hinder the other; in effect, playing both offense and defense by skating both forward and backward. Then a lot of lapping goes on, though this phase of the game was toned down in 2011 for suburban audiences. The sport has its origins in the skating marathons of the 1930s, and the first roller derbies were contested in midwestern dust bowls. Leo Seltzer and Damon Runyon are credited with transforming this outrageous spectacle into a commercial outrageous spectacle. Unfortunately, theatrical elements overshadowed athleticism, and scripted bouts with predetermined winners abounded. In modern roller derby, however, theatrical elements and athleticism are overshadowed by player egos, ridiculous stage names, and the need to speechify about each star's sex change. (more...)

Previously Featured Article - HowTo:Add sunlight through trees in_Photoshop

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Have you ever wanted to is fundamental to capitalism,add obviously computer-generated rays of sunlight to your trees for that extra touch of fakeness? With Photoshop, it's remarkably easy. Not only can you create sun rays in a photograph, but you can even add them in real life. This is a great way to make your yard more impressive or attract people to your park or real estate. In this tutorial, you'll learn about the technique for creating these rays and how to apply it to real trees. (more...)

Did you know...

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  • ... that Big Bird was the guest of honor on a special Thanksgiving episode of Sesame Street? (pictured)
  • ... that sheep shrink when it rains?
  • ... that originally, Hell was an acronym for "Happiness, Euphoria, and Lively Laughter"?
  • ... that you have probably broken at least three of the Ten Commandments just by visiting this website?
  • ... that I like cats, but could never eat a whole one?
  • ... that Alexander the Great would ride his horse in front of his troops before battle, so they would be so mad at having to march in horseshit they would be ready to fight anything and everything?
  • ... that Arceus is the true Lord and Saviour and not that fake Felix Hossil or whatever he's called?

In the news:

On this day...

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September 19: Talk Like a Pirate Day

  • 1588 - The Dread Pirate Wesley singlehandedly defeats the entire Spanish Armada in single combat.
  • 1778 - The Continental Congress passes the first budget of the United States, budgeting 10,000 doubloons for defense, 5000 pieces of eight for social programs, and additional booty to highways.
  • 1796 - George Washington makes his farewell address, saying, "Aye me mateys, it were good being captain of this fine ship of state."
  • 1957 - First U.S. underground nuclear bomb test is conducted, shivering timbers as far as 500 km (300 mi) away.
  • 1959 - After Nikita Khrushchev is barred from visiting Disneyland, he threatens to keelhaul a man dressed in a Goofy suit.
  • 1970 - Pirates the world over rejoice at Oldsmobile's launch of the Cutlass Supreme!
  • 1982 - Feared corsair Patch-Eyed Pete posts first recorded instance of an emoticon, P-) to an online bulletin board.
  • 1985- First pirate movie released. It is rated ARRRRRRRRRRR!!!!
  • 1989- Pirate radio goes on the air and is fined for gratuitous use of the words "scalliwag" and "booty".
  • 1995 - First Talk Like a Pirate Day. It rapidly replaces Talk Like a Ninja Day, which involved people saying nothing so as to conceal their presence.
  • 2006 - With the War on Terror becoming increasingly bogged down in Iraq and Afghanistan, President Bush considers shifting focus to a War on Pirates.
  • 2006- Patch-Eyed Pete is fined $100,000 for using a pirated emoticon in 1982.
  • 2008- Due to the unpopularity of his administration, George W. Bush is forced to walk the plank. The outraged Right Wing Naval Forces (RWNF) stage an attack on the District of Columbia from their base in Wasila, Alaska, resulting in the Battle of Stupid Pirate Catchphrases.
  • 2014 - File-sharing site The Pirate Bay is taken down by the ABBA-led Swedish navy but immediately springs up on hundreds of mirror sites. The criminal organization HYDRA sues for theft of concept and for confusing fish.

Today's featured picture


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Quenching the thirst of millions of plumbers across the nation, it's the ultimate soda.

Image credit: CartoonDiablo

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