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Cards Against Humanity is a cruel, deadly game that pits two warring parties -- cards and humanity -- against one another to fight to the death. In an especially cruel fashion, said death rarely occurs in a physical or bloody manner, but instead consists of a victim keeling over and kicking the bucket out of sheer embarrassment, or sometimes, on rare occasions, laughing to death. This makes it a highly popular form of entertainment at college parties and other such social gatherings.
The titular cards come packaged in an unadorned black box. This stark, minimalist design, which evokes the image of an alien monolith looming sinisterly on the horizon, is intended to remind any observer that they are merely a fragile meat-sack staring constantly into the void of death. The game itself, likewise, revolves around this grim principle. Any seasoned player of Cards Against Humanity is well aware that on any day, at any moment, their time may come, be it by chainsaws, sharks, the Care Bear Stare, or... bees?
A boxed set of the game can often be found in the common college dorm or apartment, resting in plain sight on a shelf in the TV cabinet. The idea behind this is much the same as that of ancient philosophers who kept a skull on their desks, thus keeping the concept of death ever fresh in their minds. This placement also makes it quite convenient to pull out and set up during a party. (more...)
Previously Featured Article - Roller derby
Roller derby is a contact sport played by two teams of five members, roller skating around a track. Roller derby is played by 1,250 amateur leagues, mostly in the United States, making it the most prominent pastime-claiming-to-be-a-sport except for four square and hedge-trimming. (more...)
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Did you know...
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- ... that early in her career, Angelina Jolie used extensive CGI effects to cover up her anorexia? (pictured)
- ... that virtual reality will soon allow you to read this in 3D?
- ... that since haste makes waste, and slow and steady wins the race, it follows that everybody who loses a race must therefore be charged with littering?
- ... that the answer is Colonel Mustard in the drawing room with a candlestick?
- ... that moisturizer was a failed attempt at making human water-balloons?
- ... that by court order, you can have garnish, like chives and croutons, added to your wages?
- ... the Boy Scouts were actually a concept developed by Gen. Gordon at the siege of Khartoum? And since the scouts saw no boys in the Mahdi army, they failed to give an alarm and the British garrison was wiped out?
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On this day...
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December 8: Llamas Against China Day, The Death of Metal
- 1000 BCE - A little Chinese prince is holidaying in Tibet. Whilst he was innocently trying to feed a local llama some grain, it viciously bites him. And so begins countless millennia of conflict.
- 684 - Tibetan llamas eat all the grass so that when the Mongolians try to invade there is nothing for their horses to eat. This is the first example of scorched earth tactics.
- 751 - Chinese invade Tibet again. The Chinese strike a deal with the llamas – they will have a singing competition and whoever wins gets sovereignty over Tibet. This is the first instance of the Llama Song. Thousands of Chinese soldiers get nasty nips from vicious llamas in the victory celebrations.
- 1231 - The Dalai Llama seduces the Chinese king, but after they'd been going steady for a couple of months the Llama cheats on him with Kublai Khan. The Chinese king calls the llama a slut and finds a less attractive rebound girlfriend and cries himself to sleep for a month.
- 1567 - The Dalai Llama tells all the other Central Asian leaders that the Chinese king is gay. This does not have the negative connotations that it does in the West so the Dalai Llama also said the king had sex with young boys.
- 1789 - Llama blah blah blah Tibet blah China. Blah blah blah China blah llama. Llama breaks China's grandmother's hip and takes the last bit of cheesecake.
- 1931 - Llama mentions to Emperor Hirohito that China is pretty shit and that he might as well go in and take over. Then he whispered quietly in the Emperor's ear that if any Japanese are looking for easy women, Nanking is the place.
- 1950 - The PRC takes over Tibet, suffering many painful llama bites.
- 1980 - Mark David Chapman, aided by a llama, kills John Lennon.
- 2001 - In a secret coup d'etat the llamas topple the Illuminati, the Skull and Bones Club and the Jews and assume de facto secret leadership of the world. And when China least expects it... POW!!! Right in the kisser with a big llama bite.
- 2003- Llamas take over Wikipedia and use it to take over the world.
- 2005- Jeff from accounting nails your wife in the parking lot at the company Christmas party. A llama gets sloppy seconds.
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