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Truth doesn't "live here" — It's just camping out

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Saturday, May 18, 2019, 08:44:59 (UTC)

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Grumpy Barr loses a sibling
WASHINGTON D.C. -- Attorney General William Barr is in mourning following the death of his brother Grumpy Cat yesterday.

Barr has been excessively grumpy in public of late, after he refused to hand over a fully unredacted copy of Robert Mueller's report with added illustrations, photographs, and spicy rumors. Full story»


Trump awards Woods Medal of Sexual Freedom
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Trump awarded the nation's Medal of Sexual Freedom to golfer Tiger Woods, as the recipient's sordid romantic history might conceivably make the "#FakeNews" stop talking about his own.

Trump referred to Woods as "a global symbol of American promiscuity excellence," and said loose women are "making America great again"—a key reason millions of foreigners are penetrating. Full story»

Mueller + Senate + House = 0
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- After the release of the Mueller report on whether Donald Trump colluded with that nerdy kid who always has gum for his friends, US Senators and Representatives have returned from their 6-week school holiday to continue to ignore it.

Both parties are taking naps and additional rounds of golf before continuing with the heavy work of attacking each other with strangely worded playground insults and off-the-cuff remarks. Full story»


Assange freed from captivity
LONDON, Great Britain -- Julian Assange, the WikiLeaks founder living under political asylum in the Ecuadorian embassy in London, was turned over to British police and was immediately charged with jumping bail and pissing off the United States without a licence.

His extradition was requested by the US and 78 other governments since Assange had managed to anger so many people around the globe. Full story»

Orange Man denies he's going bananas
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- American President Donald Trump has caused confusion in the White House when at recent meeting he talked about paranoia, China and Robert Mueller's 'oranges'. The unofficial heads of government, Jared Kushner and his wife Ivanka Trump, put down speculation that 'Papa Donny' was on the last stage of going completely loco. Full story»

Calls for Theresa May to resign over failure to resign
WESTMINSTER, Great Britain -- MPs and public called for Theresa May to lose her job after she failed to deliver on her promise not to be in the job she is in anymore.

The Prime Minister had promised to leave her role and perform limited domestic cleaning duties, if MPs backed her negotiated deal to leave the European Union. But the Democratic Unionist Party refused to back May's deal, saying it would not deliver on something to do with some backstop thing that no one really cares about. Full story»

Theresa May's Brexit deal sinks again
LONDON, United Kingdom -- British Prime Minister Theresa May vowed to keep going with her SOS Brexit deal, despite the ship recently sinking in 300 metres of murky water.

The recently re-floated SOS Brexit sank when it was hit by a multitude of torpedoes, mines and the actions of the crew who left open the port holes. Everyone abandoned ship, except Theresa May went down with it to the bottom of the sea. Just as well she had taken an aqua lung with her. Full story»

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About UnNews
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UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible. Full story»

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Today...only, two years ago

TV Highlights May 18


Jesus Slaps the Shit Outta _____. Fantasy
EWTN 6:00 PM EDT/5:00 CDT
This week's guests: American Catholic Bishops.

Spanish Inquisition Game
HIST 6:00 PM EDT/5:00 CDT
Betcha weren't expecting this.

Test Patterns Art history
CBS 8:00 PM EDT/7:00 CDT
In an effort to boost ratings, the network replaces one of its several crime dramas with an hour long slide show of test cards used throughout TV history.