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UnFair and UnBalanced UnNews Monday, November 30, 2020, 16:39:59 (UTC)

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Trump about to concede
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In a leaked copy of Trump's concession speech, he says, "I have decided to focus my impressive talents on other things until fake ballots are identified, piled up, and burnt on the White House lawn.

"I will continue to manage the important affairs of the United States from Trump Tower and magnanimously let the single worst candidate in the history of America occupy the White House as fake president." Full story»

Pope Francis decides he isn't a Catholic after all
ROME, Italy -- Catholic Church leaders are wrestling with what to do about Pope Francis I after his announcement that he approves same-sex relationships and marriage.

The heavyweight in this wrestling match is Cardinal Torquemada. He said, "Pope Francis needs to be deposed. The church has done it before with wayward pontiffs." UPDATED Full story»

Trump infected, Biden asleep
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump is taking on the evil Coronavirus directly at the source. He has volunteered to catch it to prove that it can be beaten out of the park.

The President's heroic decision to risk his own life and that of others proves that the November 3 election is America's last Great Chance Saloon. Full story»

Pence attacked by Antifa fly
WASHINGTON, D. C. -- Vice President Mike Pence was attacked in a television studio, by a fly. The insect evaded security and a SWAT team as it silently buzzed around and landed in Mike Pence's hair.

Eager to show he was in complete control, Pence endured the fly for over two minutes before it flew away under pursuit by Secret Service agents heavily armed with insect repellent. Full story»

Virtuosos hijack Banksy migrant boat
MEDITERRANEAN SEA -- Bohemian artists and curators from the Tate Gallery of Modern Art have hijacked the Banksy-funded boat MV Louise Michel, currently in distress on the Mediterranean Sea.

The hijackers have demanded the vessel and all personnel onboard be bubble-wrapped and transported to London, to be placed on a marble plinth within the Boiler Room of the prestigious Tate Gallery, alongside Takis’ Magnetic Fields sculpture. Full story»

UK coursework to be graded by Zoella
LONDON, United Kingdom -- Students are to be awarded their grades by YouTube fashion-vlogger Zoella.

The policy shift comes as there were no A-level exams, because nobody took advantage of the COVID lockdown to write them. Gavin Williamson scrapped plans to calculate grades with a mathematical model of past performance, instead leaving the decision to the YouTube sensation and Girl Online author. Full story»

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About UnNews
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UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible. Full story»

This must be what I get if I seek Amy.

TV Highlights November 30

Quinn the Quantum Guy Children
Nick Jr. 8:00 PM EDT/7:00 CDT
If you read this, you cannot watch the show. If you watch the show, you cannot have read this.

Product Testing Lab Documentary
Discovery. 8:00 PM EDT/7:00 CDT
Minute examination of how products are tested. This week: Preparation-H.

Repeat of 1960s American Drama Drama
CBS Action. 5:00 PM GMT
This week Captain Kirk meets Walker Texas Ranger in NCIS for the showdown of a lifetime.