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Thursday, November 7, 2019, 18:19:59 (UTC)

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Britain to have a Santa Claus election
LONDON, United Kingdom -- Great Britain is going to the polls for a Christmas General Election. British Prime Minister Boris Johnson got his vote to dissolve parliament and wash the remains down the sink.

It is being called the Santa Claus vote, as both main parties are promising lots of financial gifts. Full story»

PG&E behind new law that serves up roadkill
EXCREMENTO, California -- A new California law allowing drivers to eat their own roadkill was backed by wildfire provider Pacific Gas & Electric.

Sen. Bob Archuleta sponsored Senate Bill 395 to eliminate both wasted food and shockingly slender Californians. Before the law, the estimated 20,000 deer struck by cars could not be taken home and barbecued. And the driver could be charged with a violation for hunting from a car. Full story»

Nixon ID'd as secret Russian asset
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Former President Nixon has been identified as a clandestine Russian "asset."

Hillary Clinton had stated that the Russians were grooming Tulsi Gabbard and Jill Stein as "assets" to thwart the 2020 Presidential election. She said they would run an inspiring third-party campaign, unfairly giving Americans a choice other than Donald Trump and Joe Biden, resulting in the surprise seating of a President lacking even the minimal qualifications, again. Full story»

USAF retreats from floppy disks
CHEYENNE MOUNTAIN, Colorado -- The USAF announced it has pulled out, from 8½" floppy disk drives, the last disk formerly used to receive a Presidential order to launch the nation's nuclear arsenal.

But a bipartisan movement in Congress said the pullout cedes territory to the enemy and threatens thousands of safe, cushy jobs. Full story»

Whistleblowers threatened by The Don
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump has officially made it open season on whistleblowers.

Anyone found holding or blowing a whistle will be immediately impeached and tried as a 'ball-buster'. Full story»

Japan celebrates Health Day by clearing typhoon debris
CHIBA, Japan -- Japan celebrated Health and Fitness Day, its holiday meant for promoting an active, healthy lifestyle, by cleaning up all the debris left by Typhoon Hagibis.

Hagibis, which sounds like a crappy traditional Scottish dish, gave Chiba a much-needed bath. Full story»

Japan to hide trash in invisible ink
TSU, Japan -- After receiving backlash from environmentalists about Japan's excessive use of plastics, the government has taken a new approach to reducing waste: just hide it.

The government has announced that it has hired several ninjas to douse the mountains of trash in invisible ink. Full story»

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UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible. Full story»


TV Highlights November 7

Joy Hour Religion
TBN 8:00 PM EDT/7:00 CDT
Up and coming pastors ask for financial support in exchange for joy.

British Farce British Farce
BBC America 8:00 PM EDT/7:00 CDT
Some generically named, impossible to understand British farce.

Quinn the Quantum Guy Children
Nick Jr. 8:00 PM EDT/7:00 CDT
Quinn takes a hilarious look at the double-slit experiment through silly song and dance.