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Saturday, January 25, 2020, 13:29:59 (UTC)

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Tulsi lawsuit against Hillary thrown out
UnNews Logo Potato1.pngALL HILLARY...
NEW YORK CITY -- The presiding judge has thrown out a lawsuit filed by Rep. Tulsi Gabbard (D-HI) against Hillary Clinton.

Rep. Gabbard's lawsuit sought total damages of $100 million for "malicious and unrepentant conduct." But the judge ruled that the resulting brief notoriety was the most valuable asset in Rep. Gabbard's entire campaign, and she may have to pay Hillary. Full story»

Hillary previews auto-documentary
UnNews Logo Potato1.png...ALL THE TIME
HOLLYWOOD, California -- Hillary Clinton has revealed tantalizing bits of her forthcoming auto-documentary I, Hillary in an exclusive interview with The Hollywood Reporter.

"It is inconceivable that I was not seen as the natural successor to my husband when his use-by date clicked over. Look at Eva Peron and Kristina Kirchner. Why Imelda Marcos almost aced it and Isabel Dos Santos is still a contender." Full story»

Royal summit takes Gen-X bomb off table
WINDSOR CASTLE -- Queen Elizabeth has managed a "summit" that has guaranteed Prince Harry and Meghan Markle time off from ribbon-cutting and the need to appear mature. The royal family will receive time off from having to treat Harry and Meghan with nominal courtesy.

The youngsters fancy puttering around North America, mostly Canada, where Meghan's darker hue is so fashionable that Prime Minister Justin Trudeau himself avails himself of it from time to time. Full story»

Bernie Sanders denies saying women's place is in the kitchen
CORNVILLE, Iowa -- Serial political offender Bernie Sanders is accused of asserting that a woman has never been elected President of the United States.

Sanders did recall saying something like the Pope would become a Jew and bears would start using public toilets before Elizabeth Warren had a snowflake's chance in hell of beating Donald Trump. Full story»

Pelosi pushed-to-transmit
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Speaker Nancy Pelosi will "take steps" to transmit the articles of impeachment to the Senate for trial.

She had held the resolution for nearly a month, "until we see what the forum is," though the forum is certainly the Senate, where leader Mitch McConnell gave a nod to the motion by Sen. Josh Hawley (R-MO) to start the impeachment anyway and pretend they knew the particulars. Full story»

McConnell promises Senate will do more damage
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Mitch McConnell said the Senate would now take over from the House, and do more damage. "Their turn is over. They’ve done enough damage! It’s the Senate’s turn now," he said.

Among the damage McConnell might have meant is a drug-pricing bill that would remove unaffordable drugs from the market and relieve the dilemma between buying a vital wonder drug and heating one's home. Full story»

Baseball fight spills into public view
SAN DIEGO, California -- A nasty scuffle between Major League Baseball and Minor League Baseball is getting uglier and more public.

Commissioner Rob Manfred Mann seeks to cut costs, and would condemn 42 minor-league clubs to join the mess of independent, college-summer, semi-pro, and dice contests appealing only to parents with children too small to ask, "Daddy, if we lose, do we own the tie-breaker?" Full story»

Cattle dung attains magical powers
KALABURAGI, India -- Parents of six physically challenged children buried them to the neck in a pit of cattle dung here, during the recent annular solar eclipse. The parents believe the eclipse turns the dung holy and gives it magical powers that could cure their maladies.

The action made the children aromatically challenged, and perhaps took their minds off their physical condition. Full story»

Kondo opens chain of empty stores
TOKYO, Japan -- First it was the books, like the best-selling The Life-Changing Magic of Throwing Up. Then it was a Netflix show. Then it was the cash-in KonMari website.

And now, in her latest venture, obsessive-compulsive neat freak Marie Kondo has announced plans to open a chain of empty stores. Full story»

Boris Johnson turns to family for help
LONDON -- Boris Johnson has asked family members to support him on 12th December. He could lose his own seat in Uxbridge and South Ruislip.

While some voters think Boris is funny and deserves more time scruffily representing Britain, many feel he might be less obnoxious, for a while, if he spends Election Night sweating a minuscule victory. UPDATED Full story»

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TV Highlights January 25

Quinn the Quantum Guy Children
Nick Jr. 8:00 PM EDT/7:00 CDT
If you read this, you cannot watch the show. If you watch the show, you cannot have read this.

Product Testing Lab Documentary
Discovery. 8:00 PM EDT/7:00 CDT
Minute examination of how products are tested. This week: Preparation-H.

Repeat of 1960s American Drama Drama
CBS Action. 5:00 PM GMT
This week Captain Kirk meets Walker Texas Ranger in NCIS for the showdown of a lifetime.