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Tuesday, September 17, 2019, 09:24:59 (UTC)
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 BOSTON, Massachusetts -- Actress Felicity Huffman was sentenced today for bribing a high school counselor to fake crucial SAT scores to get her daughter into a "cool school".
Huffman's daughter made a public statement outside the courtroom. "It is not good to discover that your mother thinks you are too stupid to get into college." She was then taken away to begin a lifetime of therapy and mind-numbing drugs. Full story»  ROHTAK, India -- PM Modi said an "Isro spirit" has gripped the country following moon mission Chandrayaar-2, as the events of September 7 got everyone to sit around the television at the same time.
The unmanned Vikram lunar lander was to do a quick check for flocks of penguins and then — when India was on the verge of joining the exclusive soft-moon-landing "club" of three nations — Full story»  MOON -- Israel's Beresheet spacecraft snapped a stunning lunar panorama moments before it crash-landed, though less stunning than the fact that it cost $100 million.
Engineers and politicians were putting the best face on the dramatic waste of money on the part of a nation notoriously tight with it. Full story»  LONDON, United Kingdom -- Boris Johnson intends to appoint Tommy Robinson as the new British ambassador to the USA, being the only suitable liaison to President Donald Trump.
The vacancy occurred when ex-ambassador Sir Nigel Kim Darroch's emails to Theresa May were leaked. They had described Trump as "mad, insane, crazy, and just batshit nuts." Full story»  LONDON -- Brave British citizens are preparing for the day when the United Kingdom slams the door on the European Union and goes it alone on 31st October.
"This is Our Day of Destiny," said chief caveman Prime Minister Boris Johnson. "Britons, we have survived the Ice Age before and we will do it again. Trust me. (Someone has to.)" Full story»  OMAHA, Nebraska -- Donald Trump asked White House aides to explore acquiring the ice paradise that costs owner Denmark $600 million every year.
However, Warren Buffett is reportedly sitting on $112,000 million dollars — "far beyond" the level that executives of Berkshire Hathaway prefer — and it is literally burning a hole in his pocket. Full story»  SAN FRANCISCO, California -- Rapper Kanye West has devised low-income housing based on the childhood home of Luke Skywalker on the Star Wars planet Tatooine.
A reporter described the prototypes as "skeletons of wooden spaceships." However, it is reported that West refers to the residences as "single-wides." Full story» |
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UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible. Full story» |
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TV Highlights September 17
Product Testing Lab Documentary Repeat of 1960s American Drama Drama
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