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Truth doesn't "live here" — It's just camping out

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Tuesday, September 17, 2019, 09:24:59 (UTC)

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Huffman flunks big test
BOSTON, Massachusetts -- Actress Felicity Huffman was sentenced today for bribing a high school counselor to fake crucial SAT scores to get her daughter into a "cool school".

Huffman's daughter made a public statement outside the courtroom. "It is not good to discover that your mother thinks you are too stupid to get into college." She was then taken away to begin a lifetime of therapy and mind-numbing drugs. Full story»

India moon failure provokes joyous new mood
ROHTAK, India -- PM Modi said an "Isro spirit" has gripped the country following moon mission Chandrayaar-2, as the events of September 7 got everyone to sit around the television at the same time.

The unmanned Vikram lunar lander was to do a quick check for flocks of penguins and then — when India was on the verge of joining the exclusive soft-moon-landing "club" of three nations — Full story»

Beresheet takes moon photo, mission not total loss
MOON -- Israel's Beresheet spacecraft snapped a stunning lunar panorama moments before it crash-landed, though less stunning than the fact that it cost $100 million.

Engineers and politicians were putting the best face on the dramatic waste of money on the part of a nation notoriously tight with it. Full story»

Tommy Robinson to be new UK ambassador for USA
LONDON, United Kingdom -- Boris Johnson intends to appoint Tommy Robinson as the new British ambassador to the USA, being the only suitable liaison to President Donald Trump.

The vacancy occurred when ex-ambassador Sir Nigel Kim Darroch's emails to Theresa May were leaked. They had described Trump as "mad, insane, crazy, and just batshit nuts." Full story»

Britons prepare for no-deal Brexit
LONDON -- Brave British citizens are preparing for the day when the United Kingdom slams the door on the European Union and goes it alone on 31st October.

"This is Our Day of Destiny," said chief caveman Prime Minister Boris Johnson. "Britons, we have survived the Ice Age before and we will do it again. Trust me. (Someone has to.)" Full story»

Trump and Buffett set for bidding war on Greenland
OMAHA, Nebraska -- Donald Trump asked White House aides to explore acquiring the ice paradise that costs owner Denmark $600 million every year.

However, Warren Buffett is reportedly sitting on $112,000 million dollars — "far beyond" the level that executives of Berkshire Hathaway prefer — and it is literally burning a hole in his pocket. Full story»

San Fran to build housing inspired by Star Wars
SAN FRANCISCO, California -- Rapper Kanye West has devised low-income housing based on the childhood home of Luke Skywalker on the Star Wars planet Tatooine.

A reporter described the prototypes as "skeletons of wooden spaceships." However, it is reported that West refers to the residences as "single-wides." Full story»

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UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible. Full story»

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TV Highlights September 17

Quinn the Quantum Guy Children
Nick Jr. 8:00 PM EDT/7:00 CDT
If you read this, you cannot watch the show. If you watch the show, you cannot have read this.

Product Testing Lab Documentary
Discovery. 8:00 PM EDT/7:00 CDT
Minute examination of how products are tested. This week: Preparation-H.

Repeat of 1960s American Drama Drama
CBS Action. 5:00 PM GMT
This week Captain Kirk meets Walker Texas Ranger in NCIS for the showdown of a lifetime.