Did You Know

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  • ... that Every Good Boy Does Floccinaucinihilipilification?
  • ... that if you hold a seashell to your ear at the beach, you can hear the ocean?
  • ... the world has nearly run out helium for airships and toy balloons?
    • ... but dog farts will provide enough gas to last thousands of years?
  • ... that Mexican General Antonio de Padua María Severino López de Santa Anna y Pérez de Lebrón knew at least three people whose names began with the letter "L"?
  • ... that Forrest Fenn buried treasure worth over $1 million in the Rocky Mountains?
    • ... and it was found by billionaire Paul Allen who used it to buy socks and nose hair clippers
  • ... that the A Train is "a" train?
  • ... about alliteration articulating an artistic approach aimed at annotating and arranging alphabetic accoutrements as alarmingly asinine alignments?
  • ... that the Philadelphia Eagles have won 10 consecutive Super Bowls, but only in their minds?
  • ... that Afghanistan is known for its lush dirt farms, where dirt and dust are cultivated by villagers to enhance the scenic emptiness for which the region is known?
  • ... the US Postal Service delivered over 7.7 billion pieces of mail last year?
    • ... and that unfortunately those started out as 5.2 billion packages and letters?
  • ... air is a fictional substance that was once believed to fill the space above the surface of the Earth? While this "air theory" was once used to explain various phenomena, air theory, at last refuted, has joined the gene, the atom, Antarctica, and the free lunch in a long list of scientific red herrings.
  • ... that the answer is Colonel Mustard in the drawing room with a candlestick?
  • ... that by court order, you can have garnish, like chives and croutons, added to your wages?
  • ... that during his tragically brief lifetime, Harambe the Silverback Gorilla penned 19 novels and 74 short stories under the pseudonyms Stephenie Meyer and Christine Schutt?
  • ... that GMOs are kind of safe? Sort of?
  • ... that I only slept with your wife as a prank?
  • ... that some believe the Earth is actually flat-chested and a clandestine multinational program is keeping it stuffed?
  • ... that fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to foreplay?
  • ... that my girlfriend has herpes? Neither did I.
  • ... that Anonymous has written over 4,323,904,528 poems and 23,900,241 short stories, among a million other kinds of written word?
  • ... that you need to stop reading this page and get a job?
  • ... that Arceus is the true Lord and Saviour and not that fake Felix Hossil or whatever he's called?
  • ... that Yashasvi Jaiswal sold panipuri whilst living in a tent before he became the youngest List A double centurion in both cricket and snack food sales?
  • ... that moisturizer was a failed attempt at making human water-balloons?
  • ... turtles can run at top speeds of 87 miles per hour, but only in short bursts?
  • ... thanks to a transporter accident, the joke about suicide bombers' 72 virgins being Star Trek geeks is older than Islam?
  • ... the inventor of the Nobel Prize invented the Nobel Prize so he could get a Nobel Prize for his invention of the Nobel Prize?
  • ... that Kanye persuaded Kim Kardashian to make Mastercard famous?
  • ... that this page will self-destruct in 5 seconds?
  • ... that no one ever reads these sentences all the way to the end, except for a select few, who have the diligence and patience, and are bored enough, to read to the very end of these very long, dull and uninteresting sentences?
  • ... that I don't know that you don't know that I don't know that you don't know nothing?
  • ... people suffering from writer's block are usually very... something?
  • ... that Tetris is generally considered to be the cause of the collapse of the USSR?
  • ... members of Flat Earth Society travel all around the world to promote their views?
  • ... the Ronco Pocket Fisherman lets you go fishing anytime in your jacket pocket?
    • ... and it can also be used to play pocket pool?
      • ... but wait, there's more...
  • ... the Channel Islands exist in a time-space warp that allow them to appear in the English Channel and off the coast of California at the same time?
  • ... that Donald Trump drinks his covfefe with milk and sugnar?
  • ... that if Robert Plant heard Stairway to Heaven on the radio, he would sing along?
  • ... that resistance is futile, so you should calculate using impedance instead?
  • ... that all mass murderers' education went up to at least high school? What about yours?
  • ... Fork Knife is a game about finding fine dining and making reservations during an apocalyptic Uncyclopedia split?
    • ... and that the Battle Royale version has hundreds of Oscar Wildes throwing shade at each other?
  • ... when your grandma said, "You gruesome", you misunderstood and proudly stood up as tall as you could?
  • ... in just one week you can learn the complete lyrics to the 1960s song Tequila?
  • ... because of Anonymous' credibility, he has become a frequent source of information for news articles?
  • ... that Flying Spaghetti Monsterism is the world's most intelligent and fastest-growing religion?
  • ... the reason for 50% of modern marriages ending in divorce is because those people try to go to IKEA together for a relaxing afternoon?
  • ... that Crime does indeed pay very well, especially after you get caught?
  • ... that it is important to tune your Air Guitar constantly, as any dust particles that stick to the complicated arrangement of air will completely deform it?
  • ... that St. Peter's Basilica is a large reptilian creature with breath of fire and a gaze that can turn people into stone?
  • ... that the Michigan Firehouse Museum is home to the largest collection of fire truck bell hanger mounting rivets in the United States?
  • ... when Pong! the Movie was released alongside other video game genre releases like The Super Mario Brothers Movie and Resident Evil, it did not play out well in the box offices?
  • ... that the oozy, off-colored mound of bloody what-ever-it-is stretching its way out of what used to be a tiny hole is a baby's head?
  • ... that the United States presidential election of 1948 saw the overwhelming defeat of then-President Harry S. Truman at the hands of Thomas Dewey, the Republican governor of New York and former partner in the law firm, Dewey, Cheatem & Howe?
  • ... that if we lose cabin pressure, masks will drop from just above your head?
  • ... that Barns and Nobles is the most successful medieval farming roleplaying game, played by millions of teenage nerds worldwide?
  • ... that Martin Van Buren is a total dick and nobody likes him?
  • ... that if you hold a seashell to you ear, you can hear a hermit crab moving into your skull?
  • ... that Oscar Mayer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A?
  • ... that helium is found in natural underground deposits of thousands of party balloons of all colors and sizes?
  • ... that the process of dying and coming back to life as a bovine is known as reincownation?
  • ... that paper beats rock, but guns beat everything?
  • ... that Alexander isn't really that Great?
  • ... that explorer Robert Peary, first to reach the North Pole except for seals and whales, also was first to reach the West Pole that no one knew existed?
  • ... that bipolar bears are not to be messed with, more-so than polar bears?
  • ... that witch-hunting for fun and profit has mostly turned into witch-hunting for fun in this modern era of cheaply produced Chinese assembly line witches?
  • ... that Calvin and Hobbes was an action-packed buddy comedy series that ran from 1542-1549, featuring philosophers John Calvin and Thomas Hobbes as themselves?
  • ... that torture is better to give than to receive?
  • ... that you have probably broken at least three of the Ten Commandments just by visiting this website?
  • ... that making a band usually involves frantically begging family and strangers to join?
  • ... the Rorschach inkblots all look kinda like my Aunt Gladys giving head to Satan?
  • ... that the great Wall Street Crash of 1929 led to many opportunities for great photography of homeless people and farmers covered in dust the following years?
  • ... that walking in the air will not make you fly in the moonlit sky?
  • ... that you can't wear my sweatshirt? It's mine!
  • ... that Cirno will always be the strongest, beating the nuclear raven?
  • ... the Earth is indeed hollow, but you might fall off the edge trying to find the entrance?
  • ... that broccoli is a hybrid made from from Isaac Brock of Modest Mouse and coliform bacteria?
  • ... that Tyrannosaurus Rex went extinct because it couldn't reach anything put on a top shelf?
  • ... that virtual reality will soon allow you to read this in 3D?
  • ... if the entire human race linked arms around the Earth, most of the population would drown?
  • ... that the Byzantine Empire is pretty much the same as the Roman Empire, only not as cool?
  • ... that the Mauna Loa volcano is actually taller than Mt. Everest if the four elephants standing on the back of giant turtle underneath it are counted?
  • ... that colorless green ideas sleep furiously?
  • ... that Jackson Pollock is the Jackson Pollock of painting?
  • ... that the The Root of All Evil is fishsticks?
  • ... that the sport of water polo can be greatly improved with the addition of sharks?
  • ... that the Mayan colander was a drain on its civilization?
  • ... that a 40 foot tall pine tree is almost always taller than a 30 foot tall one?
  • ... the French Revolution was just a rip-off of the American Revolution?
  • ... it's i before e except after pootwaddle?
  • ... that Alexander the Great would ride his horse in front of his troops before battle, so they would be so mad at having to march in horseshit they would be ready to fight anything and everything?
  • ... mnemonics now erase man's oldest nemesis, insufficient cerebral storage?
  • ... that no greater man hath subtriculated the monolith than the one who hath manifested odontological callioptery?
  • ... that under Communism, everyone gets an C?
  • ... Heaven has met its quota, and your dead granny has just been waitlisted?
  • ... Thomas Edison was arrested on charges of pornography following the release of his short film, Woman Whose Ankle Is Partly Visible?
  • ... that the bow-tie is an aphrodisiac worn by male humans which instantly increases the sexual appeal of the wearer by 16%?
  • ... on a semi-regular basis, Britain is mercilessly hit by an attack of 'falling water'?
  • ... bingo is the 3rd biggest killer of seniors, ranking just after posing for pictures with wild bears?
  • ... that ostriches do not stick their heads in the ground but in molten lava? This explains why they are not found on the island of Hawaii.
  • ... that if it ain't broke, it wasn't made in China or America?
  • ... that apparently, this Charles Norris fellow is quite the ruffian?
  • ... that the Mars Climate Orbiter crashed because engineers had failed to convert measurements in fathoms and rods to the metric system?
  • ... the British can eat all they want? They measure weight in stones, and lighter stones are used to adjust their numbers.
  • ... that since many hands make light work, workers at nuclear power plants are encouraged to grow extras?
  • ... that a hammer is a great diplomatic tool?
    • ... although on an international level, a nuclear arsenal is even better?
  • ... that hitting your kids may be beneficial to their health, or at the very least amusing to you?
  • ... that pillow fighting is a violent trend among the world's pillow population, and must be stopped?
  • ... the White House is really off-white?
  • ... that the butler did it?
  • ... about this?
  • ... that Wright-Patterson Air Force Base is home to a heavily guarded repository of bad puns?
  • ... that science works in nearly every country?
  • ... that incomplete sentences cause?
  • ... that due to the recent and highly successful reforms in education, grammar studies isn't need anymore?
  • ... that Killing Joke, the band that performed the song Eighties, are now in their eighties?
  • ... that when a man with a .45 meets a man with a rifle, the man with a pistol will start giggling uncontrollably over the scene in Fistful of Dollars?
  • ... that since north is an impossible direction at the North pole, the latter should be called Not the North pole pole?
  • ... that vandalism is fukcing queer haha gay?
  • ... that 92% of hipsters only purchase iPhones that are locally sourced?
  • ... the Boy Scouts were actually a concept developed by Gen. Gordon at the siege of Khartoum? And since the scouts saw no boys in the Mahdi army, they failed to give an alarm and the British garrison was wiped out?
  • ... taht wrods and snetnces are raedalbe eevn wehn tehy are toatlly fckued up?
  • ... that the parasitic wasp Lathrolestes luteolator has changed its host from the sawfly to Steve Harvey??
  • ... that Alaska is a mooseocracy, in which citizens select a moose to lead them?
    • ... that bears have been known to challenge for the role of Alaska's leader?
  • ... that at some point, hanging in there just makes you look like an even bigger loser?
  • ... that he who hesitates is lost?
    • ... but you should look before you leap?
  • ... that GPSs accidentally dropped in the ocean have caused whales to become confused and try to migrate to Oklahoma?
  • ... that back in my day, we didn't have no fancy Did you know sections on our wikis? We had to get all of our factoids from the library, like decent folk! And after we walked there barefoot across three counties 'cause bicycles hadn't been invented yet, we had to teach ourselves how to read the books - none of that fancy free-contents education you kids're all on about...
  • ... that a new broom sweeps clean but a Zamboni does it faster?
  • ... that sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from science?
  • ... that wearing a top hat is not only a sound fashion choice, it gives you somewhere to hide candy?
  • ... that at the 2018 Grammy Awards ceremony, Beyoncé had an accent malfunction?
  • ... that Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? DRINK COCA COLA
  • ... that since haste makes waste, and slow and steady wins the race, it follows that everybody who loses a race must therefore be charged with littering?
  • ... that there is no other word for thesaurus?
  • ... that a bird in the hand is better than crabs in your bush?
  • ... that there are at least three other businesses like show business?
  • ... the muffin man?
  • ... that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?
  • ... if you laid out all of the nerves in your body end-to-end, you'd die?
  • ... that it was I who let the dogs out?
  • ... that Leonardo da Vinci invented the little round thing put in the middle of a pizza to prevent it from hitting the box top?
    • ... and that because he had no name for it, it would not be used for over 500 years?
  • ... that the American Civil War was actually marked by many instances of uncivil behavior?
  • ... that George Washington was an avid heterosexual?
  • ... that food is probably the most addictive substance known to man?
    • ... that withdrawal symptoms include nausea, hallucinations and possibly death?
      • ... that the reason the government does not ban it is because of the tax money it gets from the food industry?
  • ... that, despite the invention of the doorbell, knock-knock jokes have yet to be replaced by ding-dong jokes?
  • ... that if Abraham Lincoln was alive today, he would be clawing desperately at the lid of his coffin and screaming for help?
  • ... my name is Iñigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to do something or the other?
  • ... if Mommy is willing to lie about a freaky old dude who sneaks into children's bedrooms in the middle of the night to eat your cookies and drink your milk, she'll no doubt be willing to deceive you about everything else?
  • ... that anyone who dies at Disneyland receives a free lifetime pass?
  • ... that a rose by any other name would be called something else?
  • ... that you can always pay your credit card bills using your credit card?
  • ... that originally, Hell was an acronym for "Happiness, Euphoria, and Lively Laughter"?
  • ... that one person can change the world?
  • ... that forgetting to carry the one is the leading cause of disaster for world domination plans?
  • ... that the Virgin Birth is no longer considered a miracle? Women have been giving birth to virgins for centuries!
  • ... that the only thing money can't buy is poverty?
  • ... that Pennsyltucky is not really the 57th state but is a good source of fiber?
  • ... that while laughter is the best medicine, many cancer patients prefer chemotherapy?
  • ... that the first use of "LOL" is in Shakespeare's play, As You Like It, and that the first use of "OMG" may be found in Macbeth?
  • ... Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? DRINK IRN-BRU, YA DOBBER YOU
  • ... that it wasn't a rock? It was a rock lobster.
  • ... that the dolphin is the only animal other than man that laughs at its own farts?
  • ... the Japanese have a saying: "A man cannot read the same Wikipedia page twice"? The pages are constantly being edited, and the act of reading it will make you a different person. Therefore, when a man goes back to re-read it, both the text and the man have been changed.
  • ... snacking on bait while fishing just makes you more tempting to sharks?
  • ... coin collecting does not consist solely of walking into banks with a mask and a gun?
  • ... the person that was sitting next to you and jerking off during fire scenes in Only the Brave just might have been a pyromaniac?
  • ... if it ain't Scottish, it's crap?
  • ... Uncyclopedia prefer to use cats instead of dogs for data retrieval for references?
    • ... and this explains why most of its articles don't have references?
  • ... Time travel from the US now requires screening by TSA agents?
    • ... but that you can just skip forward in time and avoid it?
  • ... goldfish have been found not to be particularly aggressive, yet they can often be found guarding a castle?
  • ... that many diseases can be prevented by washing hands before eating, after eating, during eating, and another couple of times just in case?
  • ... antibiotics have failed to rid the Earth of its deadliest organism?
  • ... is 8th grade math?
  • ... that a fool and his money are always welcome in my store?
  • ... an apple a day keeps the doctor away if thrown hard enough?
  • ... ask a silly question and you end up on Uncyclopedia?
  • ... behind every successful man is a hairy ass?
  • ... brevity is?
  • ... Hope springs eternal? Dammit, girl, can't you stand still for minute?
  • ... if at first you don't succeed, keep hitting the refresh button?
  • ... that hitting the refresh button does not bring you a relaxing beverage when you are signed in?
    • ... however, it will bring you a new clutch of Did You Know entries,
      • ... thus suggesting you might be a masochist?
  • ... if you fall asleep reading this, when you awake you will find that brownies have made you new shoes?
    • ... and that they will always be lime green Crocs?
  • ... the movie Snakes on a Plane only exists in your imagination?
    • ... but you are mysteriously still out the cost of the movie plus parking?
  • ... that telling someone you masturbated to their Facebook picture is frowned upon in society?
  • ... the song Harder Better Faster Stronger by Daft Punk is a giant "That's what she said" joke?
  • ... dihydrogen monoxide is a substance found in car exhaust, pesticides, acid rain, and YOUR ENERGY DRINK!?!?!
  • ... that the universe is made up of protons, electrons, neutrons and morons?
  • ... that water is bad for your health because fish have sex in it?
  • ... that the rumors that you are paranoid were started by someone who's out to get you?
  • ... that abstinence is only 99.999% effective?
  • ... that Uranus is a gas giant?
  • ... that the milk of human kindness is the 1% sort?
  • ... when a Chinese Uncyclopedia member writes an article, ██████ █████████████ ████ █████?
  • ... that staring into a mirror and saying "Bloody Mary" three times will get you one if you are standing in a pub or bar?
  • ... that in the dark, all cats are in the dark, too?
  • ... chickens can count to a hundred but are reluctant to show you up?
  • ... That over 100 Martians have been run over by the rover Curiosity?
    • ... and that it was all covered up by CGI directed by the clone of Stanley Kubrick?
  • ... a woman with three mustaches is better than a cat with an ironing board?
  • ... The Rapture came and went and left behind everyone except for six people and an aardvark?
  • ... that ionic transitivity negates asymmetric pseudosidereal locomotion?
  • ... that some of us are old enough to remember when there were only 3 elements in the Periodic table? Oh yeah, earth, wind, fire and water, so 4.
  • ... that, now that I really think about it, I'm not sure what the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle is?
  • ... a stoat bloated with oats in the moat floats all boats?
  • ... that you use only 10% of your brain?
    • ... and everyone else uses 100%?
  • ... Mister Rogers was not a Navy SEAL as rumored but a sea lion in disguise?
  • ... if you open your refrigerator door you will make a chilling discovery?
  • ... the Treaty of Ghent includes a clause that neither Americans nor the British are allowed to push in the backs of chocolates to see what's inside, then put them back in the box?
  • ... Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? GO AHEAD AND FART. NOBODY'S AROUND.
  • ... Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? MOVE BACK INTO SURVEILLANCE CAMERA RANGE
  • ... Edward Scissorhands was never capable of running with scissors, much less a scissor?
  • ... cats smuggled into screenings of The Black Panther only gave it a rating of 65% on Metacritic?
  • ... that a live action version of Steamboat Willie is set for release next summer?
  • ... showings of the movie Frozen 2 will require moviegoers to sit in a tub of liquid nitrogen for maximum effect?
  • ... if a tree falls in the forest and no one's there to hear it, Bishop Berkeley will get into a fistfight with William of Ockham?
  • ... that cats only pretend not to like to swim?
    • ... and that they like it even more while inside a burlap sack?
  • ... that the amount of cats in the area is directly proportionate to the distance from the Hot Dog factory?
  • ... that if we used a language without homonyms, a certain type of pun would be impossible, and thereby much gaiety would be lost?
  • ... that the populations of many endangered species can be increased with a simple Wikipedia edit?
  • ... that none of the links in this sentence have anything to do with it?]
  • ... contrary to popular belief, popular belief isn't all that popular?
  • ... that oxygen is a highly addictive drug, with 100% of all users becoming addicted with their first hit?
  • ... that I like cats, but could never eat a whole one?
  • ... that I am a schizophrenic?
    • ... and so am I?
      • ... me too?
        • ... shut up, Frank, you're not even supposed to be here today.
  • ... that this is just a distraction while we take your car?
  • ... that the word 'fuck' originally referred to a cross between a frog and a duck?
  • ... that people who "have their cake and eat it too" are 10 times more likely to die of obesity than people who only "have their cake"?
  • ... verb noun preposition article verb noun?
  • ... that Plato said "Necessity is the mother of invention" but forgot to mention the parts about monkey fur and lemons?
  • ... that it's not butter?
  • ... that genocide is a perfectly healthy response to any personal problems you may have?
    • ... and that every person considers it at least once a month?
  • ... that within a few weeks of being held in captivity dolphins are able to train humans to stand at the side of a pool and throw them fish?
  • ... that your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory?
  • ... Wikipedia features DYKs about mosaic floors that were discovered between 1932 and 1939?
  • ... Freddie Mercury was banned in some European countries due to his extremely toxic last name?
  • ... that the road to hell is identical to the stairs to heaven, but with elevator music and traffic?
  • ... that the light at the end of the tunnel is commonly reported to be a strobe light accented with techno?
  • ... there is no truth to the rumour that Candlejack kidnaps people who sa
  • ... that a drummer is someone who hangs out with musicians?
  • ... that reading this section is a severe waste of time?
  • ... that this statement is not not not not not not not not not not not possibly confusing to no one somewhere right now?
  • ... that many children in third world countries don't have enough to eat, but most have access to the Food Network?
  • ... that 69% percent of statistics contain sexual innuendo?
  • ... that the phrase "¡Ay Chihuahua!" can be used to mean both "no, I don't have any bathtub cheese" and "yes, I have a great deal of bathtub cheese"?
  • ... one of the great ironies of the Crimean War was that the Earl of Sandwich's troops were constantly sandwiched between Russian artillery and cavalry?
    • ... and that Lord Raglan had nothing up his sleeve?
  • ... the sound of a kitten falling into a wood chipper is still more pleasant than listening to Kidz Bop?
  • ... that your Windows computer is still updating?
  • ... when the going gets tough, the tough get going?
    • ... and since it's 5PM, I'll be headed for home?
  • ... Raimond Lap is a composer of music for babies, whom could hardly be expected to hold instruments much less read music?
  • ... water has been found on the surface of Mars?
  • ... Aabye is a popular Danish name, with over a thousand people named Aabye Normal?
  • ... the 400m (1300 ft.) Wichnor Viaduct was built to carry the materials needed for its own construction?
    • ... therefore Water buffaloes have been added to the first mission to Mars?
  • ... that contrary to the name, the London Underground is actually quite well known?
  • ... that space is just a money-making scheme by NASA?
  • ... if you feed a man a fish, he'll eat for a day, but if you feed a man to a fish, you go to jail?
  • ... the number of users the admins have banned is considered the largest countable number since 1998?
  • ... that Richard the Lionheart of England had a "Richard the Lionheart" of his own?
  • ... the reason they tell you not to look at the sun is because if you look too long you'll realise it's just a giant lamp taped there?
  • ... that intellectual theft refers to the stealing of one's ideas, not his IQ points?
  • ... colourless is actually a valid colour, making "colourless" very colourful?
  • ... on the nth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me a total of gifts?
  • ... Google Street View cars replace their cameras with potatoes once they cross the Connecticut border?
  • ... that without lists, we feel listless?
  • ... that Dog is offended by this statement?
  • ... that 9/11 might not have ever happened if dates had not been invented?
  • ... that you're late for work?
  • ... the great idea you had last week was already thought up by Elon Musk and will soon be realized on Mars?
  • ... Ötzi the Iceman was found with an overdue library book, with the fine now exceeding €4.2 million?
  • ... rattlesnakes no longer rattle a warning before striking but send a potential threat a tweet and attack when the threat is checking their phone?
  • ... that in the dark, all cats are rather badly lit?
  • ... that the speed of light is inversely proportional to the intelligence of the person holding the stopwatch?
  • ... P.T. Barnum indeed said "There's a sucker born every minute" but that he was talking about aphids?
  • ... Wikipedia has an article about potato production in Zimbabwe, leaving Uncyclopedia editors stunned?
  • ... the Butterfly effect is making you read this entry? Pushy things, butterflies.
  • ... a stitch in time doesn't save nine, but saves nuns from being sucked into time portals or wormholes?
  • ... that the chickens are finally coming home to roost, but roosters are too chicken to be coming home?
  • ... historians agree that in the Battle of Solent (1510), warship HMS Mary Rose should not have tried to come about to starboard in strong gusts and instead should have made a left at Albuquerque?
  • ... that if you see Buddha on the road, you should kill him, but first get his autograph on a baseball or something?
  • ... that censorship is a tactic practiced by oppressive governments who believe in upholding an arbitrary social standard for the so-called "good of the people" while simultaneously imposing their peremptory moral values on their unwilling populace by dictating what is and what is not necessary for them to experience?
  • ... Area 51 is just a clever ploy to distract you from being curious about Areas 1 through 50?
  • ... that Cheetos never prosper?
  • ... that Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? DRINK PEPSI COLA
  • ... that Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? IHYPNOTOAD
  • ... Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? YOU HAVE THE UNCONTROLLABLE URGE TO PUT A PANCAKE ON YOUR HEAD
  • ... in just one week you can learn the complete lyrics to the 1960s song Batman?
  • ... killer bees only became murderously aggressive after being subjected to a barrage of yo mama jokes by a researcher in Brazil?
  • ... Usain Bolt is so fast, he can run 100 meters in the same time as he can run 10 decameters?
  • ... that you should not cross a bridge before it is hatched?
  • ... to the untrained ear, John Aglethorpe's Ode to the Monotony of Life may simply sound like one continuous, monotonous tone, but the song is actually composed mostly of alterations between the A sharp and B flat notes tied together?
  • ... you can't skip this GEICO ad, because it's already over?
  • ... Samuel L. Jackson or Scarlett Johansson have appeared in every minor and major Hollywood movie since 2017?
  • ... the answer to this question?
  • ... the Order of St. John is the #4 platter, to go?
  • ... that you shouldn't count your chitlins before they are hatched?
  • ... the sponge was the highest form of life in the early Cambrian period?
  • ... what goes around, gets pretty dizzy after a while?
  • ... Nature abhors a vacuum? So what about brooms?
  • ... your local restaurant "borrowed" its special recipe from the movie Pink Flamingos?
  • ... the film Casablanca takes 102 minutes to tell the story of a guy who gets his ex and her husband to the airport?
  • ... that every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings?
    • ... and that's why you have to wait so long to get your takeout order?
  • ... I'm ready for my closeup, Mr. DeMille.
  • ... that nihilists believe that life is like a box of chocolates?
    • ... and that it is a Whitman Sampler that has been sitting on the shelf for too long?
  • ... a Missouri woman lived for years on ketchup packets? They can be made into excellent flooring if you are careful.
  • ... that The Manchurian Candidate is about a blustering hotelier that is brainwashed by a foreign government to do its bidding when he becomes president? Oh, wait...
  • ... children were golden in 1999 when bad kids were threatened with Jar Jar Binks figures for Christmas if they did not behave?
  • ... that Wikipedia tells us that Drypetes gerrardii, a South African tree, was named after William Gerrard, a botanical collector active in the 1860s?
    • ... and it is a contest to see which of us could care less?
  • ... Ven de Moon is full, Lahry Talbot becomes a Vere Volf?
  • ... Ham Chan is a 4chan imageboard on Iranian servers dedicated to pork and pork products?
  • ... Nazi war criminal Klaus Barbie tried to change his name to Klaus Barbie Doll while hiding out in Peru?
  • ... WWII pocket battleship Admiral Graf Spee sank only one naval warship?
    • ... and that it was itself?