Give, today

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
(Redirected from Philanthropist)
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Because tomorrow could be too late...

First...[edit]

...I'd like to welcome each and everyone of you to our pledge drive, today, and I want to take a few moments to ask you to reach into your pockets give, today as well.

Organizations like ours can't survive without people, like you.

You, understand that organizations like ours perform a very vital function in our community, and without what we do, well, you and I and the neighbor down the street who depends on our organization wouldn't have the benefits that, we, provide.

Thats why its so important that you give, today.[edit]

I'm not going to stand before you, and tell you that I know what its like in your household, because only you know that for sure. Each of you faces unique challenges in your day to day life. Each of you have to find that corner to cut, or that special something that you've had to give up and do without. I know its hard - our household goes through the same thing. We wonder where will it end, and we ask when will things get better. But somehow we manage to find one thing that we do that we can still do, but less often.

That means I can stand up here and ask you to do what I have done: give, today.[edit]

You see our organization is facing the same challenges that you are in your own home. Income is down, but expenses are up. Why, we're even looking at ways to recycle tape, and straighten out old paper clips so that we can make new paper clips from the old straightened out paperclips. Trash bags, hand towels, and rubber bands have all been pushed into lives of second service, all in the name of making sure that we are careful with the things that your money buys for us. And yet we know that all good things must come to an end. We all know that washing out Kleenix takes time, that hanging up those Kleenix's after they are carefully washed out, to dry, all takes time.

That's why it so important for you to give, not tomorrow, or the day after, but, today.[edit]

But what, you asking, do we do for you? Well look around - it is all around you after all. We bring you the intangible sense of seeing the joy on the faces of other people that we touch every day.

You know I think it was our Founder who once said that:

"Where there is a need we will find it. Where there is a call for help, we will heed it. And where there are people who ask for our help, we will give it - even if it means the shirt off our backs, its theirs. We are there for you. But without your help, we may not be able to keep being there for you."

Can you imagine needing us - being at the point in your life when you say to your self:

If only I had understood the importance of giving to them that day, I would not be here asking myself what would have been if I had been there for them that day.

But if it comes to this scenario, then you know that you didn't dig down deep, beyond what you thought you had to have, and you didn't give. And that would be shame, because you and I and everyone in this knows that the possibility of you needing us is slim. But folks I'm here to tell you that if the base isn't strong - that if its cracked or chipped - why even the slightest of gap could cause a leak that could result in all of what we have built to coming spilling down upon us, and what would be left, but the shattered remains of what could have been.

Why, you know last week I saw a child without shoes, and I thanked God because while she was barefoot she had feet. And what if she had had shoes, but no feet? Would she have been rich with possessions, or weighed down by objects that she could never use. That would be cruel, funny, but I am sure you will agree it would be cruel.

Thats why its so important that you give, today.

In closing, if we take from the well what we feel we need, there will be nothing for the person who truly needs it most.

Is this a burden you wish to live, with?[edit]

Well, by giving to us, today, you won't be denying those poor children of Central America faces with which they can smile. And you won't be denying a child in the Republic of Vera Hurba Ralston a meal that they need. Why? Because that place doesn't exist! Did you know that? It does not exist. So how can these people suffer. They can't. But you will and your neighbors who are too proud to tell you will. Do you love thy neighbor as you love yourself? I thought so. You've been loving yourself a bit more than healthy well-adjusted person should.

And that is why its so important that you give, to us, today.

See, also[edit]