Ajit Pai
Ajit Pai (agitated on January 10, 1973) will go down as the Man Who Sold the World. In case you don't know, that is now owned by the Trump Organisation and the Koch Brothers. And when I mean 'the world', the one I am talking about is the medium through which you are reading this article. The Internet has been divided like a pie by a Pai. He's a bitch.
Life of Pai[edit]
No one except about four people cared who Ajit Pai was. This changed when he was selected to become Master-Blaster of the Federal Suck-Up to Big Business, otherwise known as the Federal Communications Commission. Pai was selected for the job so that he could make the internet safe for big business. The days of mom and pop websites were to be over. In the same way that Amazon dominates on-line shopping, Google for searches and Facebook for sad people looking to make digital friends, the internet will Make My American Business Rich Again (MMABR).
Before Pai got the job at the FCC, he was working as a legal suit at various non-jobs. He got a job on the FCC on a recommendation from President Barack Obama. Outwardly he looked like a normal guy, but inside he had been internally rewired by Verizon.
Donations[edit]
Since bribery was officially legalised in the USA after the Citizens United case, Ajit Pai has openly worked for Big Corporate Interests. No doubt he hopes one day to become something a bit bigger and be the one to decide what goes on the playlist. For now the FCC will do. Ajit Pai has a website which cleverly forces you to pay as you leave or threatens to lower your internet access to 1980 levels.
Pai at first wanted to appear like Joe Average Six Pack but soon got turned to the dark side and helped himself to his donations from his business friends. He did as he was told and more.
A Slice of Pai[edit]
In 2007 Pai joined the FCC and was given an office full of interns. This allowed him to save money on expenses and gained him the respect of fiscally constipated Conservatives in the Republican Party.
Pai in face[edit]
Ajit Pai perfected a routine where he would hold up a pie and walk straight into it. He became an avid Republican at around this stage and liked the taste of weird perversions.
Pai the Comedian[edit]
Pai has recently posted videos of him making fun of his decision to close down the Internet. He said these would be the last free things you would see unless you paid five times as much money to watch him monkeying around being a goof.