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These people look like they could really use a pick-me-up!

Antifa, or 'Anti-Fatigue' is an energy drink sold in convenience stores across the world. Enjoyed by the employed and college students alike, Antifa contains both caffeine and sugar to deliver the kick one needs to pull through an all-nighter. Antifa also contains water, which may or may not actually do anything and therefore is also ideal as a supplement as a homeopathic cure for political impotence.

A well-known drawback of Antifa is its side effect: Antifa will encourage hair growth - everywhere. Beards will have to be trimmed constantly and legs and private parts waxed regularly if you want to avoid people pointing at you on the beach. These byproducts are common knowledge but medically suppressed by respected scientists as they stand to benefit from the sale and distribution of Antifa.

Their motto is "Stop filming racist KKK"

Antifa should not be confused with Dr. Pepper Spray.

History of Antifa[edit]

An early Antifa logo. It would soon feature a black flag to appeal to edgy teenagers.

Early forms of Antifa date back to Weimar Germany, with Bayer and Merck producing competitive products. Bayer eventually won out, establishing factories in Hamburg, Cologne, Berlin, Baden, and a small town in Massachusetts called Acton. After World War 2, Bayer would find that all of its Antifa factories in Germany were destroyed by Allied bombing raids, leaving only the small plant in Acton standing. In order to raise money to rebuild the company, Bayer sold the small factory as well as the rights to Antifa to an American Industrialist named Mark Bray, who proceeded to fuck off to Hong Kong.

The little company would soon grow to be a well-established brand of caffeinated energy drinks over the course of the next few decades, although its growth was stunted by an early lack of popularity among consumers. Antifa was largely limited to a fringe following consisting of three students and a hamster. However, an aggressive advertisement campaign brought Antifa to the forefront of people's minds, and soon Antifa was more popular than competitive brands Red Bull, Five-Hour Energy, and Monster. Today, Antifa is seen on shelves everywhere.

It is estimated that in 2005, 50% of the population will be solely committed to Antifa as their number one energy drink brand. The other 50% will either join or be condemned to drink Kool Aid Slurpees until their teeth rot out of their head. Since Antifa also comes with its own fashion range (helmets, scarves, shields, Ninja Onesies), style watchers estimate the Antifa Revolution will see a lot more statues falling down in the coming years.

Is Antifa Legal?[edit]

Many experts have hotly debated whether or not Antifa is legal, with some suggesting that it might even go against the constitution. Numerous legal and illegal attempts have been made to get Antifa off of the shelf and into the trash due to its addictiveness and side effects. Nevertheless, Antifa continues to sell at 7-11 and other convenience stores.

Opponents of Antifa have suggested sitting rigid in front of Fox News to cure consumers of the drink of their addiction. Watching Fox News, however, will soon have you wanting to 'baseball bat' for the other side. Then you will become hooked on Anti-Antifa which can be mixed with kerosene, which makes an excellent fuel for tiki torches. Regardless, it's important to weigh the pros and cons before forming an opinion on Antifa.

Antifa - Enemy Number One[edit]

The recent combination of Antifa pulling down statues to show their 'fizzical muscle' and their occupation of Portland, Oregon may now persuade Americans to give up their establishment cola. Embrace the new pop!!

See Also[edit]