Arbroath

Arbroath or Aberbrothock (Scottish Gaelic: Obar Bhrothaig,) is most famous for the Scottish delicacy the 'Smokie'. Arbroath is a complete dump and is populated by the poorest of people to inhabit its complete council house residential situation. It consists of a stinking harbour, a heritage of the smokie "charming", and a high street of boarded up shops druggies ad peasants. The town has a ruin known as the sandstone mess that should have been demolished years ago.

As Montrose gets everything new such as a £12M swimming pool, a £5M sports centre, new supermarkets and shops Arbroath has nothing and shops are non-existent apart from charity shops and greasy spoons. The high street has a mass called the abbey gate that consists of more plywood boarded windows and a slowly shrinking co-op. No one knows how it gets smaller but it does every year. The shrinking co-op is the town's main attraction and it is attended by 10 people every year, a record for such a poor area. The people of Arbroath are rarely educated and attend smokie school to keep the tradition of smoking fish alive. I mean what heritage! Fish on a hook over a smoky fire, it truly is mind boggling that such low class hicks could actually light a fire and smoke a fish. The town's most famous residents are Polish immigrants, the only group really thriving in Arbroath, due to their Bigos and Pierogi shops in town and on the beach. Immigrants also like to visit Lidl which is their favourite hang out as they find it an easy source of easy pickings, Arbroath natives, who have the audacity to think they can gamble. The town is also famous for its many traffic lights and public crossways. This is because the population are generally uneducated on road safety and the council spent £1M adding extra just to make sure they could cross safely every five feet. Unfortunate bloody accidents still occur weekly, which might explain why the co-op is shrinking.

History

Arbroath Abbey - Made from Playdough

The first settlers to Arbroath were the Picts, who came about 1500 BC, probably on a Thursday afternoon so as not to miss signing on at the local Job Centre. It is thought that the plentiful fish and its cliffs made from red playdough were what attracted them to an otherwise desolate area.

Arbroath's famous abbey was built by King William the Lion, using playdough quarried from the local cliffs. Taking several days to build, people came from distant towns and cities to see its wonder and bask in the glory of King William, only for the roof to melt on a very hot day only 5 weeks after it was completed. The people of Scotland then decided having a Lion for King, but making all the decisions for them wasn't such a good idea. But we'd like to see you try and take a crown off a Lion's head. It was hard enough putting it on in the first place.

Demography

With a population of over 20,000, Arbroath is a buzzing metropolis. Or at least it would be if everyone who lived here didn't leave everyday to go to Dundee. Just because they have employment opportunities for the young, housing associations to provide roofs over heads, decent shops. Stupid Dundee.

Football

Although now lingering in the Scottish second division (by the skin of their teeth), Arbroath FC once were a towering force in football and still hold the record for the biggest win in a match, a staggering 36-0 against Bon Accord. This has been put down to the skill of the young red Lichties playing that day, but its more likely to be down to the the fact that Bon Accord were a cricket team from Aberdeen.

Due to Arbroath's 36-0 victory the Martian Intergalactic Club Championships invited Arbroath to represent Planet Earth as they deduced that Arbroath must be the best team. However due to there being a lack of gravity, a budget snafu, and the Zorg's boycott the championships were cancelled. Some football pundits have speculated it was good that the games were cancelled as Arbroath were 1000-1 to win the championship.

The Smokie

A Spink,following the traditional method of smoking fish

The smokie is essentially a haddock, that has been locked in a shed with a 'Spink' who proceeds to work their way though several cartons of cigarettes. The Spinks are a family that settled here from a nearby town, and are the force that dominates the fishing industry in Arbroath today. They have managed this by not sharing there secret ratio of Marlboro and Camel cigarettes to haddock with anyone at all, going so far as to not let their sons marry out of the family which has resulted in armies of albino fishermen down at the harbour.