Bob Hope

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Looks like a vampire to me.

Sir Bob Hope, KBE, KCSG, KSS (born Leslie Townes Hope; May 29, 1903 – July 27, 2003) was a British-born American comedian and actor who appeared in vaudeville, on Broadway, and vampire who just refused to die.


Bob (he lets me call him Bob) began his career in vaudeville before becoming a Nazi eater, and, after a 1000 year accociation with the sport, he escaped his prison and moved to film and, as his face fell into disrepair, radio. Hope's success as an entertainer is largely a mystery. Some credit it to an act of unimaginable brutality in his early childhood, others credit it to his uncanny ability to stand Bing Crosby. All agree however that his success cannot be attributed to his jokes which were, largely, awful.

Entertainment Tours[edit]

Until his "death" in 2003 Bob Hope was the United States only living weapon of mass destruction. Regularly deployed to combat zones under the guise of "Entertainment Tours" Bob would reign firey hell upon whichever country happened to be unlucky enough to be at war with the United States. These "firey hell"'s usually took the form of golf jokes.

Becoming a Vampire[edit]

Bob Hope was embraced as a vampire (not to be confused with "Embrace of the Vampire", in which Bob stars) by George Burns on May 29 2003. (It has been thought that the hundreds and thousands of tonns of human flesh he has consumed contributed to his vamparic ways.) It was widely reported at the time that Burns felt Bob deserved something special for his 100th birthday and that "being an undead monster is a gift that keeps on giving". Bob was last seen flying over the Pebble Beach Golf course as fast as his little bat wings would carry him.

See also[edit]