Ever Looping Explanation, Theory of

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“WTF is this shit?!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Theory of Ever Looping Explanation

Theory of Ever Looping Explanation

The Theory of Ever Looping Explanation (aka TELE) maintains that almost anything that is floating on human minds may be explained by an inexplicable infinite loop that reaches back to the origins of that floating anything. In TELE terminology (aka TELminology), that floating anything is usually reffered as "floating" which is just an abbreviation for "float"ing anyth"ing".

History

Deep in the past (aka Deep Past) human parents were overwhelmed by questions thrown to them by their children. Children were asking everything about everything at every opportunity. Parents, trying to keep up, were reading, exploring, inventing in an endless quest for answers to all sorts of questions. Yet, nothing was enough. The moment an answer was given, two or more questions were born and parents were off for new answers again. Society was going straight to hell as parents had little or no time for more adult stuff (like snorkeling). Crisis was so big that it was deemed a Crisis and was given it's very own name: Question Crisis.

Question Crisis led to a ten-year war between parents and children which claimed countless victims from both sides as the war coincided with the invention of one of the most vicious war machines of all times, the potato gun. At last humanity did one of those crazy things it sometimes does and decided to solve the problem peacefully instead of silently perishing as everyone had hoped by then.

Scientists with large beards and Clerics with even larger beards and politicians with no beards but with huge bellies gathered in a global meeting full of beards and bellies and decided on a committee that would resolve the problem. The committee worked hard for months but everyone was disappointed when all it proposed was ordinary umbrellas for the heavy rain of questions.

As it's usual for human history though, a Messiah appeared out of nowhere and proposed a theory that would resolve the problem, save humanity from Question Crisis and let it find other, more painful ways, of self-destruction.

Messiah, later known a TELEiah, claimed that everything is in essence an infinite loop in itself. Using broccoli and high level math proved beyond any possible philosophical scrutiny that looping could last for ever and ever if we are to accept a relativistic relation of everything and that way all might be traced down to it's roots given the correct looping loop. TELEiah added that even though that may seem nonsense to some, will be loved by children the way fast food is and anyway given the right time a properly designed machine could find an answer to any question.

Special machines were built and dispersed throughout the known universe. TELEchines, as they were branded, were capable of looping till the end of the world in frond of questioning kids who would wait till they got an answer or their moms called for dinner.

TELE today

TELE has still strong supporters although more modern theories appeared since TELE's appearance. Most of those supporters (usually reffered to as TELEevangelists) are kids that still wait for their answers in front of TELEchines. TELE has also beared fruits on more daily basis in the form of altered TELEchines. Myriad of machines are based on the initial TELEchines and work through infinite looping with no apparent cause and purpose. Televisions, automobiles, vibrators are but a small sample.

Theoretical Example

It is said that one can grasp the essence of TELE just by reading the TELE definition till the end. 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See also

• Theory of Ever Looping Explanation