Freeganism
“I already am eating from the trash can all the time.”
Freeganism is a portmanteau of "free" and "Reaganism", signifying an ideology which places Reaganism in its historical context and concludes that its most important principle, that the government is incapable of doing anything, proved to be way more true than even President Ronald Reagan knew at the time, as evidenced by the ongoing failures of Reagan's most important public policy goals: the War On Drugs and Russian democracy. Hence it advocates the complete abolishment of the government in order to make way for the free market to sort things out. In this sense, Freeganites are more extreme than Reagan but probably much more logically consistent.
Freegan Manifesto[edit]
After years of voting for politicians who said the government was completely useless but then proceeded to attempt to manage it from prominent executive positions, Freeganites finally became fed up and realized that literally no one wants to make their own job obsolete. So they developed an ideology that actually might work for making the government obsolete, consisting of a series of strategies.
Strategy 1: Dumpster Diving[edit]
Because money is printed by the government, and the government is bad, Freeganites refuse to use any form of currency. Even private currencies such as Bitcoin usually require the use of government-developed technologies such as the Internet. Therefore, Freegans dive in dumpsters for food, maintaining an independent will completely free of Big Government.
Strategy 2: Bumming Rides[edit]
Having a car requires that one work, and in order to work, one must pay taxes, which are evil. Freeganites solve this problem by bumming rides everywhere they go.
Strategy 3: Squatting[edit]
Obviously you can't pay rent unless you have a job, or unless you go on welfare, which only dirty hippy liberal commie hippy liberal Marxist communists do. This is precisely why Freeganites have decided to just squat in abandoned buildings.
Strategy 4: Hunting and Gathering[edit]
This is not for everyone (imagine Rush Limbaugh trying to survive in a state of nature), but those who are capable find it a good alternative to dumpster diving. After all, society should solve its own waste problems; they shouldn't look to Freeganites to do it for them.
Strategy 5: Not Trying At All[edit]
Why get a job, when your money is just going to go to some disabled bum? Why get married, when any sodomite couple can get married too? It's just not worth it. The only thing worth doing is completely withdrawing from society, living in the woods and writing a manifesto about the evils of liberalism in the hopes that one day, the Washington Post might publish it. Of course, that will just give more money to that liberal rag, so it's probably better to just slowly starve to death.