“They don't serve fried chicken and watermelon on a daily basis in my mess hall!”
Fried chicken is tasty delicacy made by enclosing pieces of chicken within a seasoned coating and frying them in hot fat. Fried chicken is the national bird of the Blacks. Although any part of the chicken may be fried and eaten, generally it is the exterior parts you will find in a KFC bucket. This is enjoyed by black people everywhere. Internal organs (such as the lungs, thorax, spleen, and appendix) are more valuable as delicacies and are seen as too prestigious for black people, therefore are often reserved for use in the confectionery industry.
Purple people love it too, but they are usually too busy trying to avoid the Purple People Eater.
An especially popular purple person is John Crimmle who got pissed off because KFC could not fill his order of over 9000 buckets of chicken. So he preceded to fuck everything up in the restaurant and force everyone there to smoke crack which ended up not being a big deal because every nigger in the place was already a crack addict. This is known as the biggest scandal ever for the purple people whom now ignore John Crimmle as being a true purple and classify him as a dumb nigger now.
Originally created as a sacrifice to the gods of ancient Kentuckistan. God is known to the locals simply as the "the Colonel," though in other cultures his variants may be called anything from "Pappy" to "you motherfucker."
Eating fried chicken is a common religious practice among Rednecks. Rednecks, or hillbillies, have been known to eat up to twenty family sized buckets of KFC a day, usually accompanied by large helpings of Jack Daniels and Country Music.
Types of fried chicken
- Fried chicken - A general term used for whole, bone-in chicken pieces, usually breasts, thighs, penises, and other sexy bits. Invented by this plantation owner known as the colonel, who stole the recipe from his slaves, and never gave them credit.
- Chicken fingers - This is one of the most common forms of fried chicken, although it isn't made from chicken at all. Chickens don't have fingers. But people do.
- Chicken nuggets - Balls.
- Buffalo wings - The blood-drenched wings of a Buffalo/Chicken Hybrid (see:Juggalo}
- Popcorn chicken - Popularly served in movie theaters, this style of chicken is cooked in a pan of boiling oil until they explode. It is usually topped with salt, butter, and/or clemen.
- Chicken patties - Breaded chicken shit. In the 4th century, slaves were forced to eat this crap by their cruel masters. Yet, for some reason, this dish continues to remain popular among Rednecks even to this day.
From Method of Cookery With Receipts &c. first published in 1525:
1 chicken, cute upp in pieces An egg, beaten welle Halfe a glass of milke, squeezed freshe from the teate Flowrr, to cover the bits of chicken A potte of fatte Taketh the egg and beateth it well with the milke. Put the chicken to this and after rubbe in the flowrr, adding salte & pepyr as your heart doth desireth. Cook these all in the hot fat and serve forth.
There have been numerous reports of people overdosing on fried chicken and watermelon. (Mostly in the southern US) On a more notable note, watermelon has been a friendly counter part with fried chicken, for some families all over the U.S. particularly the south.
|Chicken Soup for the Eyes|
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