User:Speedyexpress48/Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
THREE NANOHAS, DAMMIT.

Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha is a Japanese animu aimed at otaku, pedobear and the mentally disabled. The story starts out with a 15-year old teenager stuck in the body of a 9-year old with a personality from millions of other anime girls. Produced by porn studio Ivory Studios, it went to the great idiot studio known as Universal Studios Japan. Since the first series was so goddamn successful, the Nanoha franchise has spun into many anime and manga sequels which have little in common except for the amount of porn involved and some recurring characters.

Background

In 2000, Ivory released the first game in the Triangle Heart series, a series that would entertain us for years to come with panty shots, blood and bland romance stories. One day, a developer who cannot be named due to shame saw potential in a certain 12-year old minor character in the series and after spending 5 minutes playing around with Adobe Flash, wrote one of the best money making ideas in the history of animu.

Plot

A 23 9 year-old Japanese girl named Nanoha Takamachi finds a small injured ferret in a forest. The ferret suddenly talks and reveals himself as an archaeologist from a parallel universe that came to find magical stones known as Jewel Seeds. He then gives Nanoha an red marble (aka magical device), which then gives her unlimited powers against everything in the universe. Really?

Lyrical Nanoha

The perfect love story of protagonist and former enemy. SO FUCKING KAWAII YO!

As Nanoha goes around at midnight collecting Jewel Seeds, she encounters a powerful and stupid blond hair 9-year old Italian girl from another universe named after a Ferrari who is also after the Jewel Seeds...err...Fate Testarossa. She is a clone of Alicia Testarossa, the daughter of child abusing mad prostitute Precia Testarossa who is wanted for random universal crimes that are completely unknown to most people in the universe for some reason. They fight over the jewel seeds until inter-dimensional cops known as the TSAB stop them and arrests Nanoha. 10 minutes later, Nanoha is hired by the TSAB to hunt down Fate (which she does. Duh.) Nanoha then tries to capture Precia, however Precia escapes to another universe never to come back.

Lyrical Nanoha A's 6 months after the Testarossa incident, a disabled girl named Hayate Yagami finds a Book Of Darkness and is given the assignment to fill out the book of magic with a team of Wolkenritter Knights. Fate is now adopted by Japan loving TSAB commander Lindy Harlown and they return to Earth to buy anime goods because their ship broke down. Violence ensues, knights are defeated. Then a devil appears and almost destroys the earth before breaking down in tears and disappearing the next day.

Lyrical Nanoha StrikerS 11 years later, Nanoha, Fate and Hayate are now working for the TSAB training a pair of girls named Subaru and Teana, both also named after cars. A giant mad scientist takes over the world with cyborgs. The central government of Midchilda is planning to attack. Lindy is now retired. Her son took over a ship. Just like the anime itself, nothing I say here makes much sense.

Record Nanoha Force 5 years after StrikerS, the story is centered on the investigation of the Book of the Silver Cross, an ancient Belkan magical tome, and that tome's accompanying Dividers, magical weapons with unknown powers. A British kid travels to a desert and frees a girl from a tomb. He then gives the girl a magical device (as you guessed, one of those dividers.) An army uses it as a power weapon, and the TSAB tries to investigate, leading to a big messed up pile of story that has no actual direction.

Lyrical Nanoha Vivid The story is centered on Nanoha's new daughter, Vivio. The story revolves around Nanoha taking care of Vivio when suddenly she receives her new magical device (which resembles the Sailor Moon rabbit for no reason). From there, Vivio meets another girl her age named Einhart Stratos who came from the same Saint Keiser era. Wait, this story seems vaguely familiar...

Reception

This series is usually commended for it's panty shots, nudity, and boobs. It is mainly watched by lolicons, retards, perverts and lesbians, but heavily critized by anyone who has any idea what good writing is since the entire plot makes zero fucking sense.