Milkshake
“Shake it up ohh yeah shake me up baby!”
A milkshake is a common, semi-liquid beverage served throughout the world. It was created in the 1800s and persists to this day. Recipes can vary, but milk is a primary ingredient in all milkshakes, hence the name. It is commonly served with a side of burgers and an entree of french fries.
Origin[edit]
In the 1800s, world-renowned bartender Hannibal "Bitchin" Itchin Crotch noticed one of the local cattle breaking it down, as if someone had pointed a musket at it and subsequently ordered it to dance. When the cow stopped dancing Crotch ordered it to milked as he felt thirsty. The frothy substance that came out of this cow's udders created the first milkshake. He immediately felt nourished by the vivacious substance. He immediately realized the marketability of his new drink. His first served iteration of the milkshake was known as "The Dirty Crotch" and was a standard milkshake with chocolate stirred throughout with a sprinkle of caramel. The Dirty Crotch was an immediate success and was copied by many fine beverage establishments. By approximatly 1930 the drink's popularity had reached sectors outside the U.S.
Modern era[edit]
In the 21st century, the milkshake has evolved into a new kind of beverage. The infamous "Dirty Crotch" underwent modifications that varied depending on the region. For example, the milkshake took a new name in the English sector of Europe. It received a new name the "Pub Pervert"--which underwent major media controversy. It was a standard Dirty Crotch, but with a large amount of beer from many assorted English pubs. There are many other notable examples throughout the world.
Your Grandmother's Milkshake Recipe[edit]
Ingredients:
- 1 Breadcrab
- 2 Cows
- 2 NASA-Grade Centrifuges
- 2 1/2 Cups of shaken milk
Step 1.) Come up with something
Mass production[edit]
Eventually, major corporations decided to mass-produce this enjoyable substance. Modern strategies usually utilize a centrifuge with bovines strapped to it. It is highly efficient and retains a high quality despite the speed of production.
Animal abuse allegations[edit]
Some groups such as People Eating Tasty Animals have alleged that the process of strapping cows to a centrifuge and spinning them at 9Gs for 20 hours a day is unethical and should be considered animal abuse. Major Corporations have fought them at least 15 times in court, and PETA has managed to lose all 14 times (The 15th case was a stalemate).
Future[edit]
Milkshakes continue to persist as a popular drink across the world. It retains cultural significance and has no signs of being removed from today's modern human society.
Addiction[edit]
Milkshakes have been classified as an addictive substance similar to alcohol. Its effects are little and not well documented.