New York Giants

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The Mara family bought the New York Giants for ~5 billion dollars, as it is the only legal way to own black people.

The New York Giants are a minor league affiliate of the World Football League.

History[edit]

The Giants began as a polo franchise experimenting with riding wild boars through Manhattan’s city streets. Thus stickball became developed because the boars were too wild for the metropolitans. ‘Twas at the moment that one New York City shopkeeper used his fire poker to shoe away an inexperienced polo player to the ground. The shopkeeper went on to cook the pig he was chasing after, develop ham and pork products and very first can of spam.

The Mara years[edit]

The shopkeeper sold all of his goods to Wellington Mara for five hundred dollars. That included uniforms, playbooks, leather helmets, cleats, and other various things found laying around Manhattan that became available in thee running of the boars.

Mara bought the franchise on the terms that he had to relocate to New Jersey. That meant while the pigs could stay and be domestic potbellies all the players, coaches, and cheerleaders had to go. The first days of training camp were difficult because none of the players had matching apparel. Old tapestries, tuxedos, prom dresses, silk suits, and ripped jeans were stitched together to form a mascot. The Giants later found that there mascot got swiped by thieves and thrown in the lost and found in a homeless shelter. The culprits thought the mascot was stupid, and decided providing clothing to needy people would be a better idea. They brought them to the Brick City and were awarded with the key to Newark.

Switch to football[edit]

After the debacle with the mascot Mara tried to sell the team but nobody wanted to buy the trinkets and Mara chose to re-evaluate his investment. Parting with the old school ways of having the best team win he hired scouts to scope the area for referees willing to offer corrupt services. The first game the Giants played on September 27, 1925 and won 3-0. The object of the game was simple, The first team to stand an upright goal post on the field were the winners of the sudden death competition. Using long trees that fell in the area which were found on a scavenger hunt through the swamps in East Rutherford the Giants assembled three telephone poles for the city of Newark. Later on the city hired tree climbers to rig clotheslines to them and attached buildings to the posts so that the timber did not fall.

Fortunately the 6 day long game came to a close because the Giants were due to go to Connecticut for their second game on October 4. For that game the object changed course. The team had to find 26 players willing to put up more goal posts. Mara himself thought it never should happen, but nevertheless somehow the team coerced 26 locals of New Britain to pack up and head on a road trip to Rhode Island. Fourteen of the recruits gave up along the way to Providence and went back home due to inclement weather. The remaining twelve extras were hungry and kept pushing on because they had no other jobs or food available. The refs were ashamed of such behavior and awarded the team with their first loss on October 11.

See also[edit]