Oblivion
“I grew up in that place as a child. Can't remember much of it, though...”
Oblivion isn't a fun place to be. Oblivious is a theorem doctored by Skeletor. It consists of the theory that certain places contain varying degrees of particle-type energy resulting in the 'impotence' of synapses in the human brain.
Here is a brief list of places that fit this MO:
- Technical Support at Websense Inc.
- Talking to Brian Bennett
- Being in the physical presence of anyone who has uttered the phrase "Linux has no place in the job market"
- #sleepers on efnet
- Holding for Chase Visa to come on the line
- Anywhere in the US Congress, Senate or White House
- Ohio
History[edit]
Oblivion was devised in the Roman Times by Skeletor to describe his reaction to skin care product commercials he would see on television. The technical readers can liken this to a 'divide by zero error', or a pesky regex that doesn't catch what you want it to.
Owner's manual[edit]
Those who come into possession of Oblivion should beware of a couple of key items:
- Never let Oblivion out of your trunk. Ever seen a trunkmonkey? It would be like that, except times a thousand (yes, one thousand trunk monkeys.)
- Never let Oblivion sit shotgun.
- Oblivion must be kept on a strict diet of fish food and refried beans.
- Never eat Oblivion, for it will not only make the universe implode but also give you terrible indigestion.
Ease of use[edit]
- Oblivion is built out of sturdy Kevlar-reinforced polyurethane. It can be machine washed, and machine dried.
- Folding makes storing Oblivion easy.
- Oblivion is lightweight and portable, perfect for standing in line at the bank, sitting on the phone or discussing religion or politics.
- Oblivion was made right here in America™!
Suggested use[edit]
Oblivion's maximum power output is just shy of 750mW. If directed properly, Oblivion can pop tires at 50 yards. Oblivion can be used in both daytime and low light conditions. Never point Oblivion at your friends. Remember to feed Oblivion at least twice daily. Oblivion may require grooming. Requires 2x AA soul gems (not supplied). DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE FEED OBLIVION AFTER MIDNIGHT!!
Warranty void in Ohio, some assembly required, batteries not included. Special fees and offers apply, void where restricted, no purchase necessary to win. All rights reserved. Subject to change without notice. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Do not fold, spindle, staple, or mutilate. No substitutions allowed. For a limited time only. User assumes all liabilities. Not liable for damages due to misuse. Quantities are limited. Quality may vary. No substitutions. Keep away from direct sunlight. Limited one per family. No money down. Breaking seal voids warranty. Has been shown to cause cancer in laboratory animals. Action figures sold separately. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. For recreational use only. Preservatives added to improve freshness. Safety goggles must be worn at all times. Sealed for your protection. For external use only. If a rash, redness, irritation, or swelling develops, discontinue use and consult your physician. Use only with proper ventilation. Sanitized for your protection. Avoid extreme temperature. Store in a cool dry place. Refrigerate after opening. Keep away from open flame. Avoid contact with eyes. Wash, rinse, repeat. Do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit. Do not place near any magnetic source. May be hazardous to your health. Slippery when wet. For official use only. Not affiliated with with any government agency. Edited for television. No salt, MSG, or artificial color added. If ingested, contact your nearest Poison Control Center immediately. Contents under pressure. Restaurant packaging, not for resale. Contents may settle during shipment. Other restrictions may apply. Your mileage may vary. Do not use without professional help.
WARNING: Oblivion contains chemicals, including lead, known to the State of California to cause cancer, and birth defects or other reproductive harm. Wash hands after handling.
Oblivion also contains small pieces of ready break which will blow up after ten seconds of use. GOOD LUCK!