Tedium

“It's what we men use to please our partners”

~ Colonel Angus on Tedium

“It's my favorite element!!!”

~ Teddy Roosevelt on Tedium

“An element, tedium be.”

~ Yoda on Tedium

“I invented tedium on the seventh day.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Tedium

Basic facts

• Tedium is the third most popular element on the planet Earth and the best in bed, behind RocketScieintisum and Wiium
  

  Tedium in its purest state.
• Every living thing has tedium in it.
• Teddy bears themselves are composed entirely of tedium.
• The elemental symbol for tedium is: Bz (standing for something completely ridiculous to keep in form with potassium ($K$,) silver ($Ag$,) and numerous other misnamed symbolic elements.
• Is an outstanding conductor of kinetic energy. It quickly transforms all types of kinetic energy into photonic light energy.

History

Discovery

Tedium was discovered in the 1700s by accident. A brilliant philosopher, Arachnamedies, a grotesque looking man with spider like qualities, was attempting to kill all the flies in his home. (He planned on eating them later that day.) Arachnamedies spotted a fly upon the tip of his favorite teddy bear's nose. He lunged forward and brought his fly-swatter down upon the soon to be meal. In his fury Arachnamedies failed to hold back his eagerness to kill the fly and ended up tearing apart his favorite Teddy Bear with his fly swatter. Its internal essence spilled out onto the ground surrounding Arachnamedies and subsequently blinded him. All but one of his eyes worked from that day onward.

• For those of you who did not just cut class from your Basic Physics Class, The kinetic energy placed into the Tedium element was converted and released as a photonic light energy. Thus, the light blinded the philosopher Arachnamedies.

Arachnamedies ended up spending the rest of his life determining what happened that fateful day by enlisting help from long-time friend and permanent Man-Card Holder, John Wayne. Wayne soon realized that the substance that Arachnamedies stumbled upon was, in fact, an entirely new element. Whoopdee-freakin'-doo! Wayne quickly built a robot duplicate of himself and left it with his blind friend. Wayne took credit for the discovery of himself in 1784. It wasn't until the 1900's when radio was invented, that Arachnemedie's descendants realized what had happened. Wayne confessed to the allegations pressed on him by the Arachnamedies family and agreed to give them half the rights to the discovery of the element.

To date, that has earned them US$6.74.

Uses

After tedium was first discovered, its only use was to release a blinding light upon impact with a solid object. During the American Revolution Tedium was first put to use as the first Flash-Bang grenades. The British soldiers held one of the greatest Teddy Bear factories in all of the World and so they implemented the element the most during the battles.

The results were devastating. Entire American lines fell to the might of the Tedium based flash-bangs, and it seemed that the war would be won by the British without losing more than a handful of souls. Unfortunately for the Brits, the Americans issued The Proclamation of Independence, not to be confused with the Declaration of Independence, in which they objected to the use of the flash-bangs, on the grounds that the entire United States supply of males was going blind and if this continued the U.S. would be very angry indeed. The most famous line form the Proclimation is:]]

Tedium can be found naturally in Grizzly Bears, which are made up of 75% Tedium.

“Please dear god, don't use those retarded Flash-bang Grenades anymore! They are completely ridiculous and unfair. Think about it, you have an unfair advantage over us because of your access to Tedium and we have no Tedium in any part of the United States. So please, please would you stop using those darn things?”

~ Thomas Jefferson

Finally, after much whining and complaining on the American's parts, the British agreed to demolish their factory and stop producing the Tedium based Flash-Bangs.

The U.S. Stood and smiled as the factory was leveled, for the U.S Did have the world's largest, natural supply of Tedium, Grizzly Bears. The U.S went quickly to work killing the Grizzly's and sucking the Tedium out of them using a special Meat Cleaver designed by the United States' Department of Offense(DOO). The U.S became the world's largest carrier of Tedium and began building the "evil" flash-bangs for their own use. The British were furious.