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Turks know how to have fun.

Turkish (Türkçe) is a language spoken by over 50 million people worldwide, making it the most commonly spoken of the Turkic languages. Its speakers are located predominantly in Turkey, with smaller groups in Cyprus, Bulgaria, and other parts of Eastern Europe. Turkish is also spoken by several million immigrants in Western Europe, particularly in Germany.


The roots of the language can be traced to Central Asia, with the first written records dating back nearly 1,200 years. One of their first leaders was Arp Aslan, best known for appearing as a god-like lion in the Narnia stories. He spoke an early form of English as well.

Turkish as a language was spread during the era of Ottoman Empire. They also spoke Arabic (badly) and Persian even worse. They also used a handwriting style like a drunk spider which no one could read without an advanced career in linguistics. This was all changed by the former Turkish general turned national hero Mustafa Kemal, AKA Kemal Atatürk. He wanted his Turkey to be more like Europe so introduced the use of the Latin alphabet to write in Turkish. The language was also purged of foreign words used in Turkish up until then except the really filthy ones.

The distinctive characteristics of Turkish are vowel harmony and extensive agglutination. The basic word order of Turkish is Subject Object Verb. Turkish has a T-V distinction: second-person plural forms can be used for individuals as a sign of respect. Turkish also has no noun classes or grammatical gender.

The most interesting feature of Turkish grammar is that each word is longer than the one before it. It is also very repetitive, and strangely hypnotic. Many Turks and foreigns fall asleep before..zzzz..KNOCK IT OFF!.. So one ordinary sentence might be:

  • Ev (the) house
  • Evler (the) houses without doors.
  • Evin your house, that little pokey one.
  • Eviniz your (pl./formal) house. Let me introduce the wife.
  • Evim my house, stay out.
  • Evimde at my house many strange things happen.
  • Evlerinizin of your houses live many louses.
  • Evinizdeyim I am at your house but this isn't your wife.
  • Evinizde miyim Am I at your house? I feel light headed.

Other languages like Turkish[edit]

Turkish is related to Hebrew (via Borat) and Arabic (via money support).It shares absolutely nothing with Greek except who invented the kebab. The Turks have invented the throatal decongestant mouth spray which helps to pronounce their words. Turkish is also related to Finnish, since if it has long words, it MUST BE related. And also because of similar vowel harmony structure, with Hungarian as well. Turkish is very similar to the obscure languages of the former Soviet Nations of Central Asia- Azeri, Uzbek, Kazakh, Turkmen... where is from! Turkish has nothing to do with French, Greek, Armenian, Arabic, Farsi and Hebrew- only borrows words from them because it's cool to seem 'international'. CIA recently discovered, that Turkish was the inspiration for Tolkien's Black Speech of Mordor. Tolkien's books are now banned in Turkey.


Aa - u in cunt

Bb - b in bitch

Cc - g in ginger

Çç - ch in cheerlander

Dd - d in dumb

Ee - a in gay

Ff - f in fuck

Gg - g in garfield

Ğğ- they don't read it,no one knows why they are writing it

Hh - h in whore

Iı - you know how it is

İi - i in pimp

Jj - j in jerk

Kk - k in fuck

Ll - l in lick

Mm - m in milf

Nn - n in nob

Oo - o in sodomizer

Öö - ö in wörterbuch

Pp - p in pussy

Rr - r in fart

Ss - s in skol'ka dollaraf? (in Russian, "how much dollar?" while asking to a Russian natasa)

Şş - sh in shake it baby

Tt - t in toilet

Uu - u in ouch

Üü - ü in grüß got

Vv - v in wave

Yy - y in gay

Zz - z in zort


Turkish is an agglutinative language and frequently uses affixes, and specifically suffixes, or endings. One word can have many affixes and these can also be used to create new words, such as creating a verb from a noun, or a noun from a verbal root (see the section on Word formation). Most affixes indicate the grammatical function of the word.[39] The only native prefixes are alliterative intensifying syllables used with adjectives or adverbs: for example sımsıcak ("boiling hot" < sıcak) and masmavi ("bright blue" < mavi).

The extensive use of affixes can give rise to long words. It is jokingly said that the longest Turkish word is:

  • Çekoslovakyalılaştıramadıklarımızdanmışsınız:

It translates to 'You are said to be one of those that we couldn't manage to convert to a Czechoslovak'. Very Cold War.

Common Expressions and Greetings (with pronunciations)[edit]

  • Nasılsın?- How are you?
  • Tekrar edebilir misin?- Could you please repeat it?
  • Özür dilerim - 'Excuse me' in a formal way.
  • Ne kadar güzel bir gün- Have a nice day. (used in governmental areas)
  • Tatlım/Aşkım/Hayatım/Canım- oh my dear!
  • Çay nasıl olmuş/Çay hakkında ne düşünüyorsun? - What about drinking tea?
  • Günaydın- Good morning.
  • İyi Akşamlar - Good night.
  • Yavaşça tekrar edebilir misin? - Can you repeat it slower?
  • Çok zekisin - You are brilliant.
  • Merhaba - Hello
  • Çok güzelsin/yakışıklısın - You're so beautiful/handsome.
  • Buraya bak- look here
  • Ülkemi seviyorum - I love my country.