UnScripts:How to Kill a Mockingbird

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Unscriptlogo.png


This script art a part of

The UnScripts Project

Your personal Shakspearian folio of humor, love, woe and other silly emotions.


Main Page | Marlowe of the Month | Requests | The Scripts Collection


To Kill a Mockingbird is a novel by Harper Lee published in 1960. It was instantly successful, winning the Pulitzer Prize, and has become a classic of modern American literature. The plot and characters are loosely based on the author's observations of her family and neighbors, as well as on an event that occurred near her hometown in 1936, when she was 10 years old.

What the front cover should be


The novel is renowned for its warmth and humor, despite dealing with the serious issues of rape and racial inequality. However, in the resent years, the concepts and the beauty of the novel are not fully appreciated by today's youth, and subjects such as racial inequality are regarded as "things in the history books", thus, Universal Studios seized this opportunity to recreate the classic novel in a movie format that will appeal to today's culture.

Act 1, Scene 1[edit]

(Takes place during the years of the late 2000s recession, in average sized town of Maycomb, Alabama, a placed filled with unemployment due to the collapsing monoindustry, obeised low income families, white and minority gangs, and greatly divided between the various social and economic castes such as skin color. The camera now follows the 6 year old, scantily dressed Scout on her way to meet Jem, her older brother, wearing oversized jeans, a wife beater, and a baseball cap in reverse.)

SCOUT: What'cha doing, Jem?

(Jem continues to look out at a very expensive looking house on a treehouse with a pair of binoculars.)

JEM: Shut the fuck up, Scout! I'm tryin' to peep into the Radley place!

SCOUT: Hey! Atticus told us not to swear!

JEM: Well Atticus can go fuck himself, is not like he has anything better to do after his firm closed down.

SCOUT: Well can I take a look, Jem?

(Scout climbs up the latter up the treehouse, Jem looks back at Scout.)

JEM: Damn it Scout! Didn't I tell you to wear more clothes! You're gonna attract them pedophiles dressin' like that!

SCOUT: But Cal said I could wear 'em, and it's hot out side today!

JEM: Well Calpurnia used to be a crack hoe, you dress like a proper young woman, now.

(Scout tries to grab Jem's binoculars, Jem reluctantly gives it to her after she kicks him in the genitals.)

JEM: Ah fuck! You could've just asked for them, you little bitch!

SCOUT: What were you lookin' at, Jem?

JEM: I was tryin' to spy Boo Radley.

SCOUT: Boo Radley?

JEM: Don't you know the stories, Scout? Boo Radley was the son of old man Radley, a oil man from Texas, bought this big house and lived there.

SCOUT: What else happened?

JEM: Well one day Boo stabbed his dad, but the old dude couldn't believe that his son was crazy, so he locked him inside the house ever since.

(A call from down the treehouse grabbed the sibling's attention.)

DILL: Hey! What'cha doing up there!

JEM: Who are you?

DILL: My name's Dill! I'm spending my vacation here with my aunt.

(Scout peeks out from the treehouse, Dill sees her.)

DILL: Well hello there, what's your name, sexy lady?

SCOUT: Scout? What's your's?

DILL: I like were this is going.

(Marvin Gaye's "Let's get it on" plays in the background (search for it on youtube if you have not heard it, but I'm pretty sure you already heard it), Dill puts on a rape facade.)

JEM: His name's Dill.

DILL: Scout is it? Would you like to play strip poker with me sometime? Don't worry, I'll take off my clothes if you're too shy to start.

SCOUT: What?

JEM: Anyway, we're trying to get a peak at that psychopath in that big house, you wanna join us?

DILL: Giggty.

(Dill climbs up to the treehouse. Just then, Caplurnia calls for them)

CALPURNIA: Get over here y'all little crackers! Is time for yo lemonade!

(They all rush down to the ground and to Calpurnia. They grabbed their drinks and started drinking)

SCOUT: Cal! This is alcohol!

CALPURNIA: So? My mama let me drink alcohol when I was yo age, and I turned out ok.

SCOUT: But Jem said you're a crack whore.

CALPURNIA: What'd you say you skinny ass white boy!?!

JEM: I said Calpurnia was a respectable escort who was unfortunately addicted to crack cocain, Scout always makes up stuff.

SCOUT: But Jem-

CALPURNIA: That's enough out of you two! Go drink yo hard lemonade, I'm going inside to watch Oprah.

(Calpurnia exits to inside the house)

DILL: Well, Scout, it looks like my time to leave.

SCOUT: Alright, bye Dill!

(Dill exits)

JEM: Let's go inside and find Atticus.

(Both leaves)

(Camera zooms out, showing the slightly-worser-than-normal neighborhood.)

Act 1, Scene 2[edit]

(Takes place inside the Finch home, it looks ok, not that bad, Cal's microwaving food, Atticus is reading the paper.)

ATTICUS: So Scout, I heard you start school today.

SCOUT: That's right, Atticus! I'm so excited!

JEM: Hey! Give me another peice of toast, hoe!

ATTICUS: Jem! Apologize to the lady, right now!

JEM: Sorry, Calpurnia, your profession is well respected and your client take delight in your presence.

ATTICUS: That's better, now finish your breakfast faster, you don't want to be late again, do you?

SCOUT: I'm finished!

(Grabs her school bag, runs out the door)

ATTICUS: Jem, follow your sister and make sure she doesn't get run over by a car, will you?

JEM: Why, so you could have your all day sex session earlier?

ATTICUS: Jem, Calpurnia is well valued member of this household, we should thank her for the meal she prepares and the chores she's doing, now go along, will you?

JEM: Alright, bye Atticus

(Grabs his school bag, leaves out the door)

CALPURNIA: Are those the only reason I'm here for, Mr. Finch?

ATTICUS: Cal, you know I couldn't mention your sweet ass in front of the children.

(Atticus spanks her, end scene)