Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/August 29

August 29: International Androgynous Goat-People Observance Day

• 328,987 BCE - Goats evolve from dolphins, on time and under budget.
• 240v AC - Electricity becomes the new fad in tribes.
• 33 CE - St. John of Patmos has a wet dream.
• 1189 - Ban Kulin writes The Charter of Kulin, which is later banned.
• 1493 - Chet Columbus lands in Ohio.
• 1862 - Second Battle of Bull Run. This time, Bruce Willis is brought in as lead actor in an effort to stimulate box office sales.
• 1924 - The cheeseburger is invented in Cheeseburg, California.
• 1927 - Helen Keller is born but doesn't even notice the difference.
• 1942 - In response to World War II, ham is invented. Winston Churchill proclaims it "One small step for man, one giant leap for breakfast".
• 1942 - Famed restaurant the Grease Hut opens it doors for the first time, collectively clogging arteries across the nation.
• 1956 - In a remote corner of Canada, a moose teaches ice hockey to a pack of wolves.
• 1972 - Pringles, the first tessellating potato snack, are invented in Leicester by mathematician Dr. Julius Pringles in order to save storage space in his tiny kitchen.
• 1999 - The War of 1812 is fought by several confused historians. Albert Einstein is the special guest referee. The soundtrack is available from Arista. It is shown worldwide on Pay-Per-View, presented by Snickers: "Hungry? Why Wait?".
• 2005 - The Gulf Coast experiences light rainshowers and a moderate breeze, followed by giant armored penguins by late afternoon.
• 2006 - The Antichrist comes, wearing a miniskirt and playing an accordion.
• 2008 - The individual presumed to be The Antichrist was in fact the new Republican Party publicity director. It seems they dress in similar fashion.