Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/December 31

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"You spin me right round, baby. Right round."

December 31: New Year's Revolution Day, Fall of the Triple Mocha Latte (Church of Latte-Day Saints)

  • 406 - Vandals, blankers and 12-year-olds cross the Wikipedia River to begin an invasion of Uncyclopedia.
  • 776 - The almighty triple mocha latte falls to the decaffeinated beverage.
  • 1543 - Caucasians revolt in the hope that they'd be able to gain control over the pornography industry of Amerika. They fail to keep it up because of their dwindling supply of condoms.
  • 1905 - Leonard Bernstein is born to the Bernstein Bears.
  • 1993 - Four Non-Blondes pray every single day for revolution, then roll over and cry while lying in bed.
  • 1994 - U.S. internet jokewriters realize almost too late that there are only twelve months in the year, petition for a thirteenth so the date 13/37 can be so l33t and "amusing".
  • 1995 - U.S. internet jokewriters realize there are at most thirty-one days in a month anyway, thus decide to wait until January 3, 2037.
  • 1999 - Boris Yeltsin stops trying to fake his death realizing that he can simply resign in order not to do any work. Billions around the world celebrate for some odd reason.
  • 1999 - Procrastinators around the world (except in Third World countries) panic and rush grocery stores at 11:55 pm (local time) in attempts to prepare for the Y2k Bug, but find the shelves are empty.
  • 2000 - 2000th New Year's Revolution begins. Like the one in 1999, it fails after midnight kissing leads to an R-rated experience. Children pout for the 2000th time for being left out of the action.
  • 2001 - Realizing the 2000 failures of New Year Revolution, people from all around the world made a resolution to try something different this year, changing New Year's Revolution to New Year's Resolution. This attempt fails due to the obvious reason that no one follows the resolutions they make every New Year.
  • 2007 - Uncyclopedia replaces Wikipedia as THE source of all knowledge after idiots make everything Uncyclopedia says true.