Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/May 31

May 31: Feast Day of the Rancid Aardvark (Czech Republic); Fast Food and Baseball Appreciation Day (United States); World No Tobacco Day

• 1357 – The feather bed is invented but it is eventually found that more than one feather works best.
• 1578 – Martin Frobisher sails from England to Frobisher Bay, Canada. He is stunned to find somewhere he's never been has been named after himself.
• 1830 – The first cigarettes are introduced and are approved by the Surgeon General as a treatment for pink lung disease.
• 1884 – John Harvey Kellogg, after seeing a field of corn covered in flakes of snow, patents yogurt enemas and pornflakes. (pictured)
• 1924 – The Soviet Union signs an agreement with the Chinese government, designating Outer Mongolia as One of the funniest place-names in the world.
• 1938 – Adolf Hitler, trying to quit smoking, has his troops invade Czechoslovakia for its candy and gum factories.
• 1945 – Babe Ruth, in the heat of the game, kills the umpire, and is given a stern warning.
• 1961 – Scientists release research confirming anchovies are more at home in tomato sauce than water.
• 1974 – Syria and Israel sign an accord to resolve the hostilities over who gets first dibs on Kojak re-runs.
• 2006 – Bono finally finds what he's looking for.
• 2007 – Bono loses what he finally found in 2006 and begins to look for it again.
• 2011 – In a worldwide protest, aardvarks play anti-baseball in McDonald's parking lots while smoking cheap cigars.
• 2017 – Gwyneth Paltrow invents the the fast food and baseball enema.