Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/October 7

October 7: International Juvenile Penile Obsession Day

• 1512 - Cockfighting is invented by Goorg, a Turkish peasant in Asia Minor. Confusion reigns as roosters square off against genitalia.
• 1655 - The Kingdom of Russia builds penile colonies in Siberia, considered by historians to be a ballsy move.
• 1947 - Engrand is set up, a few years before spell check is invented.
• 1949 - Yet another pinko commie country is spawned for a few brief years before being tossed back to Germany and laughed at.
• 1959 - Simon Cowell, English recording executive and television judge is born. The doctors who brought him into the world have since fled to remote regions after subsequent death threats.
• 1960 - Kennedy and Nixon debate the Cold War and penis length in the second of four scheduled debates.
• 1970 - Dick Nixon announces he has a penis and launches a new five-point peace proposal to end the Vietnam War.
• 1980 - Ronald Reagan announces his plans to resolve the energy crisis and hostage situation in the Middle East by "whipping it out". Reagan wins the erection.
• 1997 - The song Detachable Penis becomes a solid gold, rock-hard hit for a few minutes.
• 2001 - U.S. invades Afghanistan with an air assault, to eradicate all small penises.
• 2003 - California Governor Gray Davis loses his penis and it is replaced by Arnold Schwarzenegger.
• 2007 - Actor Daniel Radcliffe, concerning a penis-enhancement e-mail, sues "that guy who keeps offering to make my penis larger" for sexual harassment; "that guy", who turns out to be Jesus, claims to have been trying to work on his miracle-performing skills.
• 2009 - The Nigerian inheritance scam is combined with a penis enlargement system and a free iPhone offer and everyone gets it in the crown jewels.