Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Miss Teen South Carolina
Miss Teen South Carolina[edit]
My friend and I decided to make this article after we discovered Uncyclopedia didn't have one on her. Please, assist in corrections. And yes, I already know it needs pictures, I just haven't gotten around to that. We mainly based this article off of her Wikipedia page, and yes, some parts are actually 100% real.
TheGreatOmNom 23:16, June 9, 2010 (UTC)
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Fear Not! John Lydon is here to Pee all over you! If he hasn't reviewed it |
I'm on it --—John Lydon 13:59, June 11, 2010 (UTC)
| Humour: | 2 | I'm going to start off by telling you to just ignore the scores for now. The whole purpose of Pee Review is to help authors crank out the best possible articles that they can, not see who can get the highest score. If you really focus on the advice given in this review, the scores will come. That being said, lets get started.
The first thing I would recommend is to take while to really research your topic. By researching the topic, you can often get quite a few ideas for some solid humor. After you get a good idea of exactly what and how you want to poke fun of the subject, I would advise looking over HTBFANJS for some suggestions on how to properly execute your ideas. Another thing I would recommend is to work on eliminating some of the overall randomness. Make sure that you follow the framework of an informative article. (The HTBFANJS gives a much better explanation of how and why to do that.) For example, the line "I personally believe that this page, like such as, will educated people, like such as the Iraq and the Asian countries like such as about Miss Teen South Carolina such as." This line is very signifigant because its your opening sentence. This line should be used to set up the entire vibe of the article. Look at some featured articles like this one on Eisenhower. Notice how the author uses his opener to set the tone of an encyclopedic entry while still managing to inject some humor. This is the goal you should be shooting for. Setting up a factual base that you can build on is important to any article about a celebrity. Most people know at least a small amount about Miss Teen SC and so jokes have to be based off of fact and not just random. Look at this line: "Miss Teen South Carolina was born Smarch 29th, 1989 in Lexulous, Connectikentuckistan to a Harvard professor and his genetically modified lab monkey." This is much better than the first example because there's a ring of truth to it. If you sort through some of the unneccesary stuff, it's a pretty solid line. With the entire article, make sure your not forcing things in for the sake of being funny. In the above example, weeding out a few things like "smarch" and the random birth location leaves us with a very good line of "Miss Teen South Carolina was born March 29th, 1989 in Lexington, Kentucky to a Harvard professor and his genetically modified lab monkey". This is solid because it all sounds very believable until you catch the reader off guard with the lab monkey part. that's the way that random humor should work. Set the joke up in fact, and then throw the reader a curve. |
| Concept: | 3 | I think Miss Teen South Carolina is a good target for some solid humor. I would suggest you expand the article and flesh out the whole idea of an encyclopedic entry of her. Include subjects about her childhood, early pageant years, maybe even something about her high school days or her social life. At the very least you should detail the events of the pageant that made her a household name. Don't just assume people know why she's famous, spell it out for them. When writing, try to keep in mind what a typical encyclopedic entry on someones life might include. Most will include a pretty thorough detail of the subjects life, as should yours.
Another problem here is the fact that majority of your article is written from the Perspective that Miss Teen SC wrote it herself. While this is a clever approach, it doesn't work to switch into this style midway through the article. If you really like the idea of writing from Miss Teen SC's perspective, then run with it. Write the entire article from this standpoint. Bouncing between first and third person styles only serves to confuse the reader and make the humor that much more difficult to pull off. |
| Prose and formatting: | 3 | Most of your sections are very short. This hurts the article because it causes the reader to start and stop alot and breaks the flow of the article. An easy way to fix this is to either expand on subjects or merge two smaller subjects together. Remember that every sentence does not need it's own header. Only use headers when the entire focus of your article is shifting to something different. A good way to set up a solid article is to look at the Wikipedia entry for Miss Teen SC. What topics do they cover for her? How do they lay the whole thing out? Also look at some of the featured articles. Use all this info as a mold for how your article should look.
The random quotes sprinkled throughout do not help the articles flow either. Try to place quotes in spots where there going to be relevant to the narrative. You want the quote to go with the narrative, not the other way around. Focus on using quotes to enhance the article and not just fill space on the page. Don't be afraid to cut some of the quotes out either. Some really good articles have been featured without using a single quote. One final idea for the quotes is to attempt to fit them into the narrative directly. For instance, saying something like, Miss Teen SC is best known for answering a pageant question about the state of education in America by saying "I like cheese" or whatever she said. This allows you to include the humorous quote and expands the article at the same time. |
| Images: | 0 | You stated that you already know that the article needs images, so I won't harp on it. |
| Miscellaneous: | 2 | Averaged Score |
| Final Score: | 10 | As I stated before, you have some good ideas in here, but they get lost in the murkiness of the article. HTBFANJS is really going to be your best friend on this one. I think if you are willing to put the time in, you can turn this into a very solid piece. It will take some hard work on your part, but the more work you put in, the better it will be. |
| Reviewer: | --—John Lydon 18:04, June 11, 2010 (UTC) | |