Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/No Child Left Behind
No Child Left Behind[edit]
Oh, I'm so going to get burned on this deal. But I think it has potential, so why not review this article and dash all my hopes and dreams?
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MaxPayne 17:55, 28 April 2009 (UTC)
| Humour: | 3.25 | Quotes: Umm... well... is there a nice way to say this... no. If I were you, I'd take a shotgun, and shoot the asses off these quotes, and then the rest of them. Honestly, they're are completely unnecessary and make the article look, um, unprofessional or something.
Intro: Now to the articleish part of the article. Well, it's funny, but I think it's a bit off. Firstly, it's too short. The irony over the children being left behind is funny, but it needs to be expanded. So expand it. Explain why they get left behind. It seems like you were in a rush while writing this, which takes away from the enjoyment of the article. Small Children: Well, the start of this section , like the 1st sentence or two, are not very, well, good. This starts out being an informative article explaining what the NCLB act is, like in one of the SPCA commercials. This contradicts this, bringing it to a bit of a rant, which doesn't fit, and isn't funny. The Origin of Todlerus Annoyunus: See, it's getting better, as for cleverness, but I still haven't had more than a quick smile. Saying things like "removed their Potty Training from their minds" sounds akward. You could make it more professionalish by saying something like, um, "adaptation to their environment made them suppresively violent, cruel, and removed their ability to control bodily excretions, which was not only unnecessary for the small children, but distracted them from their strides for survival," or something along those lines. The main problem that's stopping these from being funny is the lack of maturity. Watch the SPCA commericials about 9233 times, and then type the 1st thing that comes to mind. But really, get a constant flow of smooth language. Physical Description and Behaviors: Umm... this just got worse. Early on, you could've used more clever links, but never have a link that's over half of a sentence. That gets distracting. Again with the language, and really some of the stuff doesn't make much sense. They have the power to poop? Really? Things like that need to be worked on. The History of No Child Left Behind: Well, some good points here, but nothing great. No new comments to be made, other than getting rid of "one president but were not sure which one" and "the only people not afraid to go near small children." It's a bit childish (haha that's a pun). Present Day: This doesn't make much sense, which is a big no-no. Why were more children left behind? You briefly mention this at the beginning too, and I was hoping you'ld explain during the article, but you didn't. Also, maturity level factors. |
| Concept: | 6.75 | Not a bad concept, but you didn't stick with it. Was it informative about the history of the NCLB, like a documentary? Or an argument about why it left more children behind? Or a scientific study of the small child in it's mnatural habitat? It would be a nice concept, if you'ld stick with 1 concept. |
| Prose and formatting: | 2.5 | This is pretty poor. There are many spelling and grammar mistakes. You have run-on sentences and Captial Words in the middles of Sentenes. Some links are akward (especially the baseball bat one). And just the general tone of the article is poor. It's distracting and makes the article seem like a small child wrote it FUCK FUCK FCUK. Also, random mentionings of Uncyc aren't very funny. |
| Images: | 6 | The images you have aren't bad, and the captions are okay, but you have a lot crammed in, and placed akwardly. For ex. the 1st pic to the left of the TOC looks strange and unbalanced. You have pics going thorugh weird spots and, it's just distracting. The images don't need a whole lot of work, but they need moved. |
| Miscellaneous: | 3.75 | An overall rating of the article. |
| Final Score: | 22.25 | It has oppurtunity to be good, but it'll be a long hard process before it's feature worthy. Currently, if it goes to VFH, it'll be shot dead. But in a couple weeks (or months) it could be okay. Not trying to be mean, and I hope you found this helpful, but it's not there, if you kinow what I mean. |
| Reviewer: |    Whore cHeDDaR    03:00,12May,2009
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