This had a short review eight years ago, but it's been rewritten since then. Please read the whole article including the footnotes before you post a review. Thank you!
DAP Dame Pleb Com. Miley Spears (talk) 22:22, June 7, 2018 (UTC)
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Added 22:22, June 7, 2018 (UTC)
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[[Template:Review request/{{#time: ymd|22:22, June 7, 2018 (UTC)]]
Reviewed[edit]
| Introduction to your reviewerLike I really need to introduce myself to my Mommy. But I did run a computer lab at an elementary school and tutored and substitute taught at junior highs.
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| Concept:
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9
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Another spork of a previously huffed article by the uncyclopedian princess of unhuffed sporking.
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| Prose and Formatting:
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9
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I put humour comments here, but do score them separately.
Intro
- I like the pseudo-encyclopedic tone. However, it begins with two long sentences; I'd split them into three or four.
Span
- "(In women's gymnastics, the preteen years are extended to age
16, 17, or even 18."--I'd cut the (), start a new paragraph, and cut (16, 17 or even) as shown.
- "
But this article...."
- "preteen" includes any woman who appears to be under the age of 23.:--I'd either link to something 23ish, or make this 25, which seems funnier to me.
Psychological development/Realistic view of present and future
- "...snipers who only hide under the bed)." I'd change the second snipers to have a different link than the first. I do like this, though.
Psychological development/Responsibility
- "...latest Teenz Poppe Starz album is."-I admit I had to look this up. I like that this fake group means the article will always be current.
- "...delivering papers in their neighborhood"--do kids still deliver newspapers? I live in the country where they have to drive them in, so honestly don't know.
Psychological development/Relationships and self-identity
- I like the progression here to more rebellious.
Romantic and sexual feelings
- You're going to have some people upset at this, even though I know someone (ahem) who was much more obsessed with sex before the teenage years than during.
- "limerence"--I'm guessing this is from the Wikipedia article, but don't know how many people will know what it means.
- "this also applies to girls"--like the gender switch.
Popular culture
- "...movies geared toward preteens such as the classics...." I like the progression; I was starting to question the second movie being preteen until I got to the third which, of course, focuses on a preteen.
- "In contrast, in Eastern society, celebrities who...." The wording of this sentence doesn't click with me, but sorry, don't have any suggestions.
Psychologists on preteens
- I had suggested before that you shorten this, which I see you did.
- "...period of unparalleled suppression...." I like the duplicate use here.
- I get Peter Lamborn Wilson being listed, but don't know about the link. I do like the "other 20th century psychologists" link.
- I like you going back to the roots of pedophile/hebephilia, and the references--maybe that will assuage the ire of those who believe sexuality begins at age 18 (or 21, depending upon jurisdiction).
- Robert Anton Wilson III? OK.
- "...each cannot exist without the other."--in the context of your definitions--and only in that context--literally, and funnily to me, true.
Tween
- "the 10 year span...." ironically and funnily true.
- "no connection...to this article...." I like this.
- While this has the article's strong ending, I don't know about the rest of it being at the end. I actually think it ending of the Psychologist section is better, but it's also highly controversial, so maybe it's best it does end with Tween.
Red links
- I'd either cut some red links, direct elsewhere, or write those articles--you could do that.
Footnotes
- I'd standardize the form of these as per Wikipedia (for example, put the year in the same place on all of them).
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| Humo(u)r:
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8
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Humour comments covered above.
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| Images:
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8
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Images
- I like the images, especially how they fit your theme. All appear to be female or possibly female, and the zombie vampire sniper theme is reinforced. I do think I'd switch the order of the bottom two, move the shootist up and the blood girl down.
- And the Wikipedia link box is on here twice--I'd take the second one off. If you make those changes, my score would go up to 9.
- Yahoo! not revealing any results on an image search for preteen is surprisingly true. I found images searching for toddler, girl, teen, teenager, even young teen, but not that. Weird.
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| Miscellaneous:
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5.75
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Average of above - 2.75. I artificially lowered it, because 40 means I want to see this featured, and I'd like to see you make a few improvements first, then....
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| Final Score:
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39.75
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Let me know when you edit this! (REVISED SCORE AFTER EDITS: 9 + 9 + 8 + 9 + 9 = 44).
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| Reviewer:
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 King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court) 22:26, June 14, 2018 (UTC)
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- Thanks for the review, it should help a lot! DAP Dame Pleb Com. Miley Spears (talk) 02:13, June 15, 2018 (UTC)
- I edited it as per your review! DAP Dame Pleb Com. Miley Spears (talk) 03:50, June 15, 2018 (UTC)