Uncyclopedia:Wilde/RandomAnecdote

Return to the Wilde Project Main Page (if you dare)

Oscar Wilde is traveling through the countryside one day in a dray cart. Only the dray cart driver isn't actually driving the dray cart, because he's back at the local village library, trying to look up the word "dray" to find out what it means and why he is sometimes referred to as a "drayman," a word he utterly detests. "I'm going to find out the etymology of this word if it kills me," he says to himself, and in fact, when he finds out, he suffers a massive stroke and dies. Wilde, of course, is oblivious to all of this, being a mere passenger in the cart, many miles away. He begins to think that something truly absurd is going on. He's right. "I'm right," he thinks. Ultimately, though, this has no effect on the cart or where it's going. "At some point I'll have to find out where this cart is going," Wilde thinks. There are other passengers in the dray cart, one of whom is an enormous squirrel named Elroy, who looks at Wilde and says — in perfect Squirrelese — "Could you spare a few nuts?" Wilde thinks for a moment, then says, also in Squirrelese, though with a heavy Irish accent, "I only have two, and I can't spare either of them. But you're welcome to a copy of my latest play," which he hands to Elroy. Elroy thanks him and proceeds to eat the play.