Wandering faggot-bird

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Among the world's fowl the Wandering Faggot-Bird just has to be one of the most sporty and trim of all the flighty species. With a genus name like Fregata we just know these black, buff, and beautiful birds cut a wide swathe amongst seafaring men of all genders.


Thanks to History we know exactly when the first Brit sighted a Faggot-Bird.

In the balmy and oh-so-sportif year of 1892 Sir Bruce Saint-Saucy DePooves designed a Royal Navee uniform which included lilac lace, nipple studs, and jackboots. (Hello sailors!) Even the Snooty Terns started hanging around Royal Navee ships at bathing-time then. And one May evening in 1893 as Oscar Wilde and Sir Brucie were snorting a little something on the poop deck they saw just the most impressive black beauty ever sailing through the pink-on-baby-blue sunset.

Wandering Faggot-Birds just flat tearing up the air at an absolutely giddy disco event.

Yes, dears, it was a Wandering Faggot-Bird.

Oh my, weren't Oscar and Brucie just thrilled? You bet your nipple studs they were, sugar.


Just you go to a dance anywhere -- anywhere! -- and you're likely to see Faggot-Birds spinning giddily in the coloured lights. They just love to fly, baby. As the Poet wrote:

You're a faggot-bird,
And faggot-birds are free to fly
Fly away,
high away
Bye bye.

("Someone Saved My Ass Tonight" © 1975 by Elton John and Bernie Taupin, used with persimmons)

Yes, these gorgeous birds love to fly...they fly just like Elton John in spandex.

The Gathering Storm[edit]

But dears, there is just the tiniest dark cloud on the horizon. (See it? Over there, just south of Tahiti?)

Yes, it's penguins!

Those black-suited fascist webfooted bastards want to destroy the darling Wandering Faggot-Birds.

These days we burn our bridges before we even get to them, don't we? But Wandering Faggot-Birds are teetering on the tippy-slippy edge of your consciousness. They're the dark flicker in the corner of your eye. They wheel and veer just beyond the boundary of what you think you know.

Honey, they are out there. And all the penguins in the world can't stop them. The Wandering Faggot-Birds are coming, coming faster than Paris Hilton ever did.

They're coming home to roost.