Wireless network

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to: navigation, search


~ A Computer on A Wireless Network
A wireless network in operation near Salisbury.

A Wireless Network (pl.: Wireless Networks) is a specialised form of Computer Network designed for high-security. Although standard networks can provide a reasonable assurance of security thanks to various magick spells, wireless networks provide 'the next level' in computer security for use in high risk/high finance/high heaven situations.


  • Yesterday, About tea-time: Wireless Networks were invented by Ghandi on a brief visit to Ilkeston.

The Technology[edit]


The principle upon which a wireless network operates is, once understood, deceptively simple and quite ingenious. The designers realised that no matter how clever they thought they were, there would always be others who were cleverer, thus being able to crack any software that could be written. Unfortunately, this realisation immediately elevated their cleverness levels above that of those whom they were so clever in assuming to be cleverer than they, causing a logical paradox that will remain suspended until the end of this article.

In any event, the designers of the wireless network decided that, rather than write software, chant spells, boil newts, or any of that, they'd just take the next step. A step that has inspired mankind from that day to this. A step that has been called "Incredible... Just Unmissable" by the Daily Mirror. A step that has held you in suspense for at least twenty-five seconds. And the step they took was...

... Cut short when someone tripped over a network cable, simultaneously ripping it from it's socket and inventing the most secure computer network ever conceived by man - a network in which nothing was connected to anything else.


When viewed from below, a wireless network will usually appear as a fine mesh of alternating red and blue lines. If these lines are allowed to cross, The Earth may be destroyed due to Protonic Reversal.

Why does it work?[edit]

As mentioned above, the concept is deceptively simple, once understood. See Overview, above.

Wireless Security[edit]

Since wireless networks are incredibly secure, they are a tempting target for skilled script kiddies who find them to be an easier (or softer, in network parlance) target than the average Commodore 64 with an auto-answer modem. This glaring incongruity is the result of poor planning by the author of this article, and has necessitated the creation of a multi-billion dollar industry that deals exclusively in high-security wireless products.

For a more in depth treatment of this subject, see Wireless Security.

The Benefits[edit]

Aside from the obvious security benefits inherent to wireless networks, these systems provide a range of side benefits to the wireless user. These include:

  • Zero configuration - Everything just doesn't work
  • Hassle-free surfing - No spam, no popups, no viruses, no network!
  • Send and receive email - From work if you have to
  • No legal overhead - Since no-one can send anything, no legal niggles to worry about
  • Cost - Network cable is just ridiculously expensive in many Western nations.

The Downfalls[edit]

  • Tourism - Every now and again (evry minute of every day) the wireless broadcasting hubs, such as the one near Salisbury are over-run.
  • Interdimensional rifts - As demonstrated by the Cybermen, who plans were repeatedly foiled by the Windows wireless system crashing.

Windows again boys...

See Also[edit]